Does his secret stash mean that he's gay?

I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and but there has been no ­intimacy between us for most of that time
By Coleen Nolan

Dear Coleen,

I’ve been with my partner for 12 years and, this may shock you, but there has been no ­intimacy between us for most of that time. I can count on my hands the times it has happened.

LIMITLESS FORGIVENESS

 "Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee?"  Matthew 18:33

MATTHEW 18: 21-35

Peter thought he was being very generous by offering to forgive his brother seven times in one day, but Jesus said he should forgive him 490 times in one day. It would be impossible to have someone sin against you 490 times in one day. Jesus is actually saying that there should be no limit to our forgiveness.

When we are offended or hurt, we often feel justified in holding a grudge. The Old Testament law expressed this when it stated, "Eye for eye, tooth for tooth" (Ex. 21:23-25). Until the offense was paid, we did not feel free to forgive. However, God dealt with all men's offenses by placing sin upon the perfect Savior who was judged in place of every sinner of all time. To demand that others now earn our forgiveness is not Christ like. Jesus died for every man's sins, extending forgiveness to us while we were yet sinners, and we should do the same.

3 Critical Tools for Paying Off Debt

Written by Gary Foreman stretcher.com

This is the time of year when many people look at their debt situation and shudder. They dream of what it would be like to be out of debt. And, if they’re brave, they begin to plan a strategy to reduce the amount of debt they carry.

They’ll begin with high hopes. But many of them will quit before reaching their goal, disappointed, discouraged and defeated. Is there something that they could have done differently that would have given them a better chance at success? I think so.

You can find all kinds of advice about how to get out of debt. The web is full of the stuff. But, when you boil it all down, there are three things that form a foundation for a get out of debt effort.

1. Don’t expect immediate results. You won’t be getting out of debt in a matter of days or weeks. The only way to eliminate your debts quickly is to inherit a large sum of money, win the lottery or declare bankruptcy. The first two are unlikely. The third may remove debts quickly, but you’ll suffer with a lower credit score for years to come.

Going through financial struggles? Ask for prayer
How much does success mean to you?: Getting over a business failure

Recognize that it will probably take about as long to get out of debt as it took you to get into it. You can speed up the process but you won’t eliminate debt that took 10 years to accumulate in 10 months. You can shorten the time by being aggressive in your payback plan, but it still will be a long process.

What’s the take-away? You need to be prepared for a marathon race. This is not a sprint. If you’re prepared for the long haul you won’t be disappointed and discouraged when a year passes and you haven’t eliminated all your debts. You’ll expect a long battle and be ready to fight it.

2. You need a good plan. A good plan will stand the test of time. The longer you work with a good plan, the more you appreciate its usefulness. There are a number of good plans readily available. You may find that one is particularly well suited to your situation.

Any good plan will have a number of characteristics:

1. It will include all your debts. That’s important to help you see the whole picture.
2. It will help you evaluate exactly how bad your debt situation is. Not only will you know how much you owe, but you’ll know how much it’s costing you in interest each month/year.
3. It will include a priority of which debts to pay off first – smallest to biggest? Highest to lowest interest rate?
4. It will allow you to know how much money you’ll have each month to repay debts.
5. It will free you from having decisions to make each month. You know how much money you’ll have and which debt is being reduced first. The decision is already made. It’s just a matter of executing your plan.
6. It will allow you to calculate an approximate date that you’ll be debt free.
7. It will help you monitor your progress. You should be able to predict where you’ll be 6 months from now. And, then compare your actual results to that prediction.
8. It will take your personality into account. Some people need the motivation of seeing many small accounts being repaid quickly.
9. Others are happier watching the average interest rate their paying decrease each month. A good plan will be tailored to your personality.

A good plan will do all those things. Some offer other bells and whistles. But any good plan should do all of the above things. If your plan doesn’t do them, keep looking for one that does. This job is hard enough with a good plan. Don’t weigh yourself down with a bad one.

3. Find a way to keep yourself motivated throughout the process. Once again, you’ll need to know what would encourage you when you’re thinking of quitting. For some people, rewards along the way work well. Perhaps a nice dinner or that coffee maker you’ve wanted would be a good reward when your car loan is repaid. Knowing that a reward is within reach could be enough to keep you going.

For others one big reward at the end is the best motivation. I know of people who’ve wanted to go on a cruise for years. They’ve added the cost of the cruise to their debts. And when it’s all paid off they’ll be packing their bags. To remind them now, they’ve posted pictures of cruise ships around the house as a continual reminder.

Getting out of debt is a tough challenge, but it’s a worthwhile one. And it’s one that you can accomplish with the right tools and sufficient determination!

Take the next step:
Managing debt starts with a plan
Digging out of debt 
Take a lesson: How to beat stress

http://powertochange.com/world/tools-for-paying-off-debt/

What Happy People Know About Money

By Kimberly Palmer | U.S.News & World Report LP

In Laura Vanderkam's new book, All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending, she argues that many of us need to shift the way we think about money. Instead of focusing on budgets and how we're doing relative to our friends, she suggests thinking of money as a valuable tool. She says that her research reveals people who are "happiest about money" feel like they have enough (even if they aren't wealthy), could get more if they needed it, and that they have full control over how to earn and spend their cash.

[50 Ways to Improve Your Finances in 2012]

We asked Vanderkam more about her insights into money and happiness, including why she decided to start buying more fresh flowers. Excerpts:

Your last book, 168 Hours, focused on time management. Why did you decide to tackle money next?

Time and money are related variables that are always pulling in opposite directions. You can spend money to save time or spend time to save money. Money issues came up frequently when I was writing 168 Hours, so I decided, with All the Money in the World, to do for money what 168 Hoursdid for time: re-examine some conventional wisdom, look at how people are spending this scarce resource, and see what the research says about how we can spend it better.

As you point out in the book, sometimes we waste money on expensive purchases, such as engagement rings, just because we think we should, and not because it actually improves our happiness. What are some splurge-worthy investments in happiness?

Travel is almost always worth the splurge. You'll anticipate the experience beforehand, live through the adventure, and then savor the memory afterwards. So even if travel is expensive, you get a triple happiness whammy for every dollar spent. Taking a class in a subject that intrigues you is another good use for cash. Challenging our brains is enjoyable, and many of us don't make a habit of learning new things after school. We should.

How did writing this book change your own money habits?

I've learned to sweat the big stuff and splurge on little things. For years I would walk past a flower shop in New York, where I used to live, and I'd want to bring a bouquet home, but I'd never buy one. I felt it was wasting money. In the course of writing the book, I learned to spend more on flowers, and on fun groceries like produce and cheese that looks appealing. But we also moved from New York City to Pennsylvania, in part for the lower cost of living. You can buy a lot of flowers for the difference in tax rates between the two places.

[The Secret to a Long and Happy Life]

You recommend thinking of money as a tool to make us happy. How can we start doing that?

Using money wisely involves being mindful of what makes you happy, and what does not. Look over your bills and receipts, and see which give you pleasure to pay, and which feel like pulling teeth. Over time, can you allocate a higher percentage of your income to things that are pleasurable or meaningful for you and the people you care about?

Another way to get at the idea of what you enjoy is to ask what I call "The $10,000 Question." Say you got a $50,000 windfall. You put the first $40,000 toward savings, retiring any debts, and your usual charitable commitments. Ten thousand dollars is for fun money. The only ground rule is that, looking back on your life, you'd think you spent it in a memorable way. What would you do with it?

Spend some time thinking this through, because there are probably some insights into other things that can become financial goals in your answer. In general, people use money best when they spend on experiences, spend to nurture their social networks, and spend to buy time--a more absolutely limited resource than money. Since I know this, I always make time to meet friends for lunch, and I try to err on the side of having adventures. It's always easier (and cheaper) not to try something new. But afterwards, I'm glad I did.

Twitter: @alphaconsumer

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/happy-people-know-money-165915618.html;_ylt=As2MyNcoBf0UkCLc.le3ISjE34dG;_ylu=X3oDMTIzcmlwc2c1BG1pdANGaW5hbmNlIEluZmluaXRlIEJyb3dzZSBTcGxpdARwb3MDOQRzZWMDTWVkaWFJbmZpbml0ZUJyb3dzZUxpc3Q-;_ylg=X3oDMTNvamc0cW9oBGludGwDdXMEbGFuZwNlbi11cwRwc3RhaWQDODA5ZDFlNjMtMmQ3Ni0zMDQ4LTgwNDctNmFhYjY5ZmMyZjM3BHBzdGNhdANwZXJzb25hbGZpbmFuY2V8c2F2aW5nLXNwZW5kaW5nBHB0A3N0b3J5cGFnZQR0ZXN0Aw--;_ylv=3