Start Living the Good Life!

Whitney Hopler

Editor's Note: This article summarizes the practical applications of Philip Carlson's recent book, Love Written in Stone: Finding God’s Grace in the Boundaries He Sets, (Bethany House, 2011).

Our culture in this fallen world tries to convince you that the “good life” – the life you’ll most enjoy – comes from pursuing pleasure. But God’s biblical commands often stand in stark contrast to pursuing pleasure, so God can seem like a cosmic killjoy who wants to hinder your pursuit of the good life.

By asking you to follow His commands, God isn’t trying to prevent you from living the good life; He’s trying to prevent you from falling victim to dangers He knows can harm you. As your loving Father, God wants what’s best for you – the ultimate “good life” – and that’s only possible when you recognize the love behind His commands and start following them.

So don’t settle for anything less in your life than what’s truly best. Here’s how you can change your perspective on God’s commandments to start living the good life that God intends for you:

Are You Empty and Weary?

“The conclusion, when all is heard, is: fear God and keep His commandments, because this applies to every person.” - Ecclesiastes 12:13

Do you ever feel like you’ve done it all? Success, wealth, pleasure, thrills and yet you feel empty inside? 

Solomon, the ancient king of Israel, was such a man. He had extraordinary success and wealth, incredible intellect, more women and sex than Wilt Chamberlain, and yet it all became meaningless to him. He felt so empty inside because he turned his back on God to pursue all that he wanted for himself. He was a classic example of a good man who started strong, but turned wrong and wound up empty.

The Most Common FSD: Low Interest

Female sexual dysfunctions are highly prevalent, multi-dimensional, interrelated and associated with personal distress. Symptoms include problems with desire, with arousal, with orgasm/ejaculation and with pain during intercourse.

Female sexual function (interest in sexual activity) is associated with psychologic factors (mind, relationship) and biologic factors (brain, hormones, blood flow, nerves).

On the other hand, female sexual dysfunction, especially low interest, is associated with problems with mind and/or relationships and problems with brain, hormones, blood flow and/or nerves.

If a woman complains of sexual dysfunction, such as low interest, it follows that: 
1) mental health care professionals should assess the mind and the relationship and 
2) medical health care professionals should assess the integrity of the hormonal milieu, nerves and blood flow.

Diabetes, Men, and Sex

By Anne Pappert and Chris Woolston, M.S.

Sexual dysfunction. You've seen the ads on television, you've heard the jokes, and, if you're like most men, you've tried your best to block it from your mind. But if you have diabetes, this is one touchy subject you shouldn't ignore. A full 75 percent of diabetic men have some trouble achieving or maintaining an erection long enough to have intercourse.

But diabetes doesn't have to be a deathblow to your sex life. You can protect your sexual functioning by keeping your diabetes under control. And if the condition has already started to derail your physical relationships, your doctor can help you get back on track.

How does diabetes cause sexual dysfunction?

Erections take teamwork from several parts of the body: Your brain makes you aroused, your nerves sense pleasurable feelings, and your arteries carry a flood of blood to the penis.

Medicines and Sex: Not Always a Good Mix

By Chris Woolston, M.S.

For both men and women, it takes a complicated chain of events to move from arousal to a satisfying orgasm. The mind has to stay focused, nerves have to stay sensitive, and blood has to flow to all the right places. Unfortunately, many things can break the chain -- including, perhaps, the pills in your medicine cabinet.

Medicines often work by altering blood flow and brain chemistry, so its no surprise that they can affect sexual function, and not always for the better. Medications can shut down a person's sex drive, delay orgasms, or prevent orgasms entirely. Medications are also a leading cause of erectile dysfunction in men.

If you've noticed a drop in your ability to have or enjoy sex, talk to your doctor about possible causes. Be sure to bring a list of every medication you're taking. A simple change of drugs or doses could be all it takes. But never stop taking a prescription drug or change dosages on your own. Your doctor can help you determine if a drug you're taking is the problem -- and help you switch to another medication safely.

What drugs can affect sexual function?

How Real Is the Sex You See in Pornography?

By Cory Silverberg, About.com Guide

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Despite the fact that porn films have about as much to do with real world sex as Hollywood films have to do with daily life, many of us confuse what we see in adult films with what we expect to happen in our own sex lives, or what we imagine happening in the lives of others. This makes some sense. For starters, many people's earliest exposure to sexual material is through pornography. Add to this the fact that as adults most of us don’t get the chance to talk honestly and openly about sex with a diverse group of people, and you can see how easily porn becomes a kind of sex education.

Of course there's an important difference between sex education and good sex education and with very few exceptions porn rarely fits the criteria of the latter. People may watch adult films, get ideas from them, and mimic those ideas in real life, but that isn’t the same thing as good sex education and it's debatable how much one sees in pornography represents common sexual practices.

What's beneath the use of pornography?

by Greg and Erin Smalley

This article is courtesy of HomeLife Magazine

Q. My husband enjoys looking at pornography. He says it's what other normal men do and that I shouldn't make a big deal about it. He says I should know he loves me, and besides, he's just looking. I try to keep myself attractive for him. Am I crazy for wanting my husband to look only at me naked?

A. You are not crazy! Pornography is one of the biggest issues marriages face today. There are many angles to address your question. We could focus on the mountains of research documenting the damage pornography causes; we could show how turning to pornography causes some people to withdraw from relationships; or how guilt, mistrust, and anger resulting from pornography can tear a marriage apart. But we want to go in a different direction.

Instead of focusing on getting your husband to stop looking at pornography, we want to encourage you to focus on the deeper underlying issues.

The Five Levels of Intimacy

Written by Barbara Wilson

Does God care about your love life?

First comes love…or sex?

“First comes love, then comes marriage, then here they come with a baby carriage.” You may recognize this little rhythm my generation used to sing to embarrass each other.  Based on today’s culture the rhythm could go: “First comes sex, then comes living together, and the baby carriage could happen anytime or with anybody, as does the sex.”

Casual sex has changed the landscape of relationships and marriage.  Before 1960 most people saved sex for marriage, but now according to a recent survey, most people have sex before marriage. So how has this new trend impacted today’s marriages? First, the divorce rate: prior to 1960 the divorce rate was less than 25%, today it’s closer to 50%. As the rate of promiscuity has risen, so has the divorce rate. But secondly, and what this article will discuss is how casual sex has inhibited our ability to build emotional intimacy into our relationships, and how this emotional deficit is impacting marriages today.

Unmet Expectations: Sex three times a week?

Written by Beth Scholes

If you are married, you have experienced unmet expectations in your marriage. We all have, myself included.  Expectations begin long before your wedding day.

When my husband and I were engaged I met up with a friend my parents’ age who had been married for 25 years.  She was very enthusiastic.  She told me they had a great marriage and that sex is really important. “We have been married 25 years and we still have sex three times a week” she glowingly told me.

She went on to tell me some significant piece of marital advice, but I missed it.  I got stuck on her comment.  My fiancé and I waited until we married to enjoy a sexual relationship.  As I sat there listening my mind was screaming,  “You ONLY have sex three time a week and you think that is GOOD?!”

Finding True Love in a Hook-up World

Written by Sean McDowell

If you could have any wish come true, what would you wish for? When I pose this question to my students they often say things such as, “to be rich,” “to be famous,” or “to find the perfect mate.” But of all the responses I have heard, the words of Ashley, an 18-year-old high school senior, stand out most vividly in my mind. After I spoke on sexual purity at a Tuesday-night youth group, she came up to me with tears in her eyes and said, “If I could have one wish in life, it would be to go back four years ago and hear this same message. I might not have ruined my life.” Ashley simply said thanks, and then walked away.

I have often wondered what decisions Ashley made that caused such deep scars in her life. Was she struggling with guilt or depression from a seemingly “harmless” hook-up? Did she get a sexually transmitted disease? Did she have an abortion? My heart went out to Ashley because I could see the pain on her face as she so deeply regretted her past choices. Somewhere she bought a false idea about sex, acted on it, and now she is paying a heavy price. Ashley learned a painful, yet powerful lesson: ideas have consequences. What you believe about sex will affect your choices, and your choices will shape the direction of your life. Misunderstanding the purpose and nature of sex can have disastrous consequences. So, what is the purpose of sex? And how can we find true love in a hook-up world?

Sex Tape Celebrities Are Leading Our Teens Astray

RON LUCE

 

96

 

6

 

0

 

0

 

Kim Kardashian (© John Russo via Facebook)

The perils of public exposure can sometimes be lost on our teens. We live in a society that celebrates and elevates people who make bad decisions. They don’t have to be sorry, they simply have to “be strong.”

That’s the phrase tweeted out by former Miss Teen Delaware Melissa King after she was accused of starring in an amateur porn film when she was just 17 years old. King denied that the girl in the film, who looks like her, sounds like her and shares her birthday and her love of beauty pageants, is her. But two days after news broke that she had relinquished her crown over these accusations, she tweeted out to her followers:

Is Achieving Orgasm as Simple as It Sounds?

  Vanessa Pinto

Would it surprise you to know that people can achieve orgasm when they are brain dead, or that you don't necessarily need genitals to orgasm? Mary Roach's TED talk, "10 Things You Didn't Know About Orgasm" isn't just an eye opener, it's also really funny. As I continue to research and interview professionals about sex, sexual response and the things our bodies are capable of, I never cease to be amazed. According to Roach, when it comes to how you achieve orgasm, the world is your oyster and the sky is the limit. Roach even discusses how one woman could think herself to orgasm.

Our school-district-approved sex-ed class in junior high never taught me about orgasm; it's usually something we discover along our own sexual journey or even completely by accident. My sex education as a student in junior high lectured me about my menstrual cycle, how one becomes pregnant with a sterile diagram of internal organs and that sexually transmitted infections were waiting to use me as a host. There was never a point where anyone taught me the how and why of how my body worked when it came to sexual pleasure or that it was even an option.

Am I Ready For Sex?: 7 Things To Think About

By Katie Naymon in SEXUAL HEALTH

Whether you’re a virgin or are contemplating having sex with a new partner, first times can be nerve-wracking. There are many factors to consider, both emotional and physical. We talked to Heather Corinna, founder and executive director of Scarleteen, an independent, grassroots sexuality education and support organization and website. Corinna is a sexuality, contraception and abortion educator and counselor as well as a writer and activist. Read on for her and collegiettes’ advice on how to know when you’re ready for sex.

When is the right time to have sex in a relationship?

Some girls wait until marriage, some wait a few months and some just a few dates. There’s no recommended timeline—the right time to have sex is when you and your partner feel ready. Eva, a collegiette at Colby College, decided to lose her virginity a month into hooking up with the girl she liked. She says you know it’s a good time to have sex “once you stop thinking about it and don't doubt the person and trust they're on the same page,” she says. “I had a first time that was genuinely lovely. We fell hard and fast.” For others, it takes a bit longer to get comfortable. Veronica, a collegiette at Johns Hopkins, has dated her boyfriend for four months but has decided to wait to have sex. “I want to make sure I’m in love. I don’t want to have any doubts about it. You hear about a lot of people who do it and then regret it,” she says.

Why Sex?

Response to the PBS-TV series Evolution

Episode 5: Why Sex?

by Jonathan Sarfati, CMI Australia

This episode was one of the most revealing about the conflicts between evolution and Christianity. The usual propaganda is that ‘science’ (stipulatively defined as evolution) is about facts/evidence or ‘how’ questions, while religion deals with values/faith/morals or ‘why’ questions. As explained in the Rebuttal to Episode 1, this is a faulty distinction, and this episode demonstrates this. Here, evolutionary psychology directly affects questions of sexual morality.

The program also spends much time discussing the advantages of a fully functional sexual reproductive system, but misleadingly implies that this is sufficient to explain its origin.

Sex is said to be more important than life itself, since it enables genes to be passed on to succeeding generations. Rutgers University evolutionary geneticist Robert Vrijenhoek even said:

Sex or a Good Night’s Sleep?

Discover Your Libido Type

By Dana Demas, Special to LifeScript

Are you and your partner in a sex slump? Different lovemaking styles may be to blame. In her new book When Your Sex Drives Don’t Match (Marlowe & Company, 2007), sex therapist Sandra Pertot says that different libido types can lead to anxiety in the bedroom. So, what’s your sex type? Plus, find out how your sex life measures up with our quiz…
       

In the beginning of a relationship, you can’t get enough of each other.

Every touch is a revelation.

Every glance is foreplay.

It’s the best of times for hot, exciting sex because you’re so new to each other.

How can we as a couple handle the sexual cravings before we get married?

By Gary Chapman
Q: “We are a Christian engaged couple growing in our walk with God. However, we are not virgins and this is the first time both us are actively pursuing abstinence under Gods leadership. We have confessed all of our past histories to each other and are pursuing individual accountability partners. Since we’re engaged is it wrong to look forward to the physical stuff? We are both very much attracted to each other and enjoy looking at each other. Our combined love language is physical touch. We know this will be brilliant when we’re married. But right now, it’s pure torture. We both are aware that we’re living the consequences of our previous sin because we know what sex is like. The pure torture bit is this: Lusting over a man/woman equals bad. Lusting over spouse equals excellent. We very much feel stuck in the no man’s land here. Our wedding is 7 months away and the last thing we want to do is elope because we cracked. We want our testimony to mean something for other people struggling with the no sex thing and most of all we want to honor God. Is there anything else we can do to help us remain pure and keep our testimony?

Enjoying Sex as a Big Woman

Elaine is a “fat” female actor, who complains that she is never asked to act out sex scenes. Even though her work is highly respected, and she is often given lead roles, she claims that the audience has been taught that sex with a fat woman is not aesthetic and therefore she is prevented from getting expressly sexual on screen.

At best, Elaine is allowed to appear in bed in an “after-sex” scene, but the covers have to be well pulled up, so that very little flesh is exposed. She is a very alluring woman, but her magic has been decommissioned.

“Fat” is a judgment that varies over time and place. The hotties of 17th century Europe are flabby whales by current European standards. The babes of tribal Africa are known as “big mamas” these days.

Smart phone app shows men how their penises measure up to world sizes

By David Ferguson

A smart phone app for iPhone and Android shows men how the size of their penis compares to other men’s in the world. According to U.K. technology magazine TNT, the app is designed to help men find a better fitting condom.

The American Sexual Health Association has said that poor-fitting condoms are a leading reason why some men prefer not to use them. While most men are comfortable using condoms, men who find them too loose or tight or too short or long tend to use them less often, contributing to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. A study published by Indiana University sex researchers said that the belief that sex is more pleasurable without a condom is actually a myth.

Why Do Porn Stars Have Big Penises?

They don’t have big penises because they are in porn, they are in porn because they have big penises.

Here we find the few men with penises that are off the chart. They are like the NBA stars of the world. Wishing for their sized penis is like wishing you would grow another foot to be better at basketball. Thankfully, you don’t need a 8 inch penis to be better in the love department! Sex accepts all comers!

It is accepted that pornographic and advertising images play a role in male and female self esteem – usually harming them. The fact that young men and women watch porn and then assume what they see is what they should expect to find, or expected to be, is generally harmful.

Stop Having Sex? I Did It -- For A Year

Audrey Bellis

Owner, The Bella Bambino

I gave up sex and dating. I gave it up just like I would give up chocolate for Lent. It was a very deliberate and conscious choice.

At the time, I had just turned 24, and was fresh off the heels of a broken engagement and sending out the "I'm sorry, I'm no longer getting married so here is your gift back" announcements. I was grieving, and I was lost.

I didn't realize I was on a downward spiral, I thought I was just rebounding. Everyone wanted to take me out for a drink, introduce me to their single friends, set me up and party my woes away. While these might have been well-meaning acts of support, they were not productive ways of coping for me. My behaviors led me to a dysfunctional rebound relationship, empty sex, drunken sex, quite a bit of guilty self-loathing and a vicious up and down cycle of convincing myself I was fine and the next day, not being able to get out of bed.