Healing Cry

Written by Julie Cosgrove

 Are you facing a period of suffering in your life? Take this interactive online study: Finding Hope When It Hurts

“O Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.” (Psalm 30:2)

Recently I was hospitalized for a staph infection that had invaded a simple scrape on my forehead. One side of my temple ballooned into a red, angry mass and the skin around my eye swelled shut. The swelling even spread to my cheek and jaw. The nurses responded by giving me IV antibiotics. However, when the doctor entered the scene he informed me that true healing would not occur unless the wound was lanced and drained.

The moment the wound was lanced I felt excruciating pain. Surprisingly, only a couple days later I was back to normal and the wound healed nicely. Even though I had recovered quite remarkably, the doctor warned me take oral antibiotics for a week to make sure any remnants of the infection were dealt with.

Pentagon seeks answers to why suicides doubled in National Guard and Reserve

Suicides in the National Guard and Reserve rose from 65 in 2009 to 145 last year. Pentagon officials suggest isolation and job woes could be culprits. Frequent deployments also factor in.

By Anna Mulrine, Staff writer 

• 

Gen. Peter Chiarelli, seen here testifying on Capitol Hill June 22, said Wednesday that the Pentagon is seeking better ways to combat suicide among National Guard and Reserve troops.
Newscom

WASHINGTON

There was a glimmer of heartening news out of the Pentagon Wednesday as the military released its most recent analysis of suicide figures, which found a “modest” decrease in suicides among active duty Army troops, from 162 in 2009 to 156 in 2010. It marks the first time in six years that suicides among active-duty soldiers suicides did not increase from the previous year.

Dealing with Despair: Dark Moments of the Soul

Written by Mike Woodard

I picked up the bottle of iodine, focusing on the skull and cross bones symbol. I did not have a cut that needed disinfecting. I was hurt on the inside. I had just returned to my room from a meeting. A long time friend had said something that cut deep. Holding the bottle, the thought that came to my mind was, “I could drink this!”

The thought was serious, but just for a moment. I was hurt, tired, and so discouraged that despair seemed to rush in. I’ve never forgotten that moment and have never told anyone until now. Maybe it is so vivid because my normal view of life is optimistic. I often tell people, “I don’t have problems, I have opportunities…”

Despair can have many sources and can be more profound combined with other factors. A friend’s 18 year old daughter attempted to take her life. The combination for her was the knee operation that took her out of her last year of high school sports, the friend who had criticized her harshly, a broken relationship, alcohol, and physical/emotional tiredness. Late one night, after everyone went to bed, she picked up her pain medication and downed the whole bottle. Fortunately for her and my friend, despair did not win. Others are not so fortunate.

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Despair is dangerous and can be deadly. I remember reading once, “People can live weeks without food, days without water, minutes without oxygen, but not a moment without hope.” On a personal level I have found it helpful to identify factors that contribute to despair and also cling to the things that give me hope.

Some of these factors may seem insignificant. I have found when I’m hungry and tired I’m more prone to lose perspective. The best thing I can do is eat and sleep.

I know that when I have emotional highs from lots of people contact or events, this can result in my emotional bank account being over extended. When that happens I can expect an emotional low to follow. When I know and anticipate this cycle I find I’m much more able to deal with it. Despair is held at bay.

Another warning signal of emotional tiredness can be emotions being closer to the surface. This can show up through angry “blow ups” or tears. You might even think, “Wow! Where did that come from?” These all give despair a foothold.

Another fertile soil for despair to take root in is the words of trusted friends. Words of close friends can be so powerful either for good or bad. I don’t care much about what people say who do not know me, but the words of my trusted friends carry significant weight. This is why divorce can be so profound. The person who knows you the best has just said, “I do not value or want you.” Wow! That is painful! Despair is swift and can be suffocating.

Hope becomes an antidote to despair. A variety of things can bring hope. Perspective can bring hope. The following story illustrates this point…

On a foggy morning in July 1952, Florence Chadwick waded into the chilly waters off Catalina Island. Her goal was to swim the Channel to the coast of California. The numbing cold of the water hit her right away, and she could barely see the boat that accompanied her in the dense fog. Several times during her swim, a rifle was fired to keep sharks away. She swam for 15 hours before she asked to be taken out of the water. Her trainer encouraged her to keep going, saying she was very close to land. Florence was no stranger to long distance swimming. She had been the first women to swim the English Channel in both directions. But this day, as she neared the coast of California, all she could see was the fog. She was exhausted, and began to feel discouraged, thinking she was not going to be able to make it… Florence gave up, just a half mile from her goal! In the interview after the swim, she was quoted as saying, “I’m not excusing myself, but if I had only been able to see the land, I might have been able to make it.”

What was it that caused Florence to give up that day? Was it the cold water, exhaustion or fear? No, the reason she failed to reach her goal was the fog. Two months later, she swam that same Catalina channel and set a new speed record in the process.

I need fog clearing moments, times when I take stock of my life and circumstances. Sometimes this comes through stopping activity and taking stock or it might involve finding an objective listener who can help you clear the fog. This might mean a trip or two to a councilor or a wise, trusted friend.

Faith can bring hope, ultimate hope. King David once stated, “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” Confidence that there is a God who loves me and has a good plan in the mist of pain, and hurt is a profound defense against despair. I was once removed from a position of leadership suddenly without warning. I was flooded with deep emotions at the unjustness of this decision. As my mind was reeling trying to make sense of this I remembered the words of a friend. In describing a similar set of circumstances she was buoyed by the understanding that God was not wringing his hands in heaven. He had a plan. Those words hit me. A significant sense of confidence settled in. Confidence that God loved me and even in this he had a plan for a way through. There was still pain, confusion and hurt but knowing God’s love and presence provided a foundation to handle the pain.

A person cannot live long with despair. Dealing with despair takes two forms, prevention and long term cure. Prevention is the strategy of dealing with conditions that lead to despair which can include simple things like enough rest or talking out discouragement with a trusted friend.

Prevention involves finding a foundation that gives hope; especially in the mist of circumstances that are despair producing. God can provide that foundation. His love can hold you in the midst of any storm. His wisdom can guide you through it and his strength can steady you as you move forward. Despair need not overtake you. Why not open the door of your despair and invite God into it. Ask him to walk with you. Don’t try to live independently from him. He invites you to share the journey with him. Why not choose God as your foundation today?

If you would like to invite God into that place of despair today why not pray this prayer right now:

Dear God,
My despair is overwhelming. I don’t know what to do. I need your strength to anchor me and your wisdom to guide me. I need you to give me a firm footing as I work through this. I invite you into my life right now. Forgive me for living independent from you. I need you. Come into my life and bring me hope today. Amen.

If you prayed this prayer let us know. A mentor can help you in this new journey of faith.

If you have a question first, click here.

gotquestions  http://powertochange.com/discover/life/dealingwithdespair/

Sex and the Cancer Patient

Married or single, straight or gay, cancer patients face special relationship issues

From Marc Lallanilla

Updated September 18, 2008

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by our Medical Review Board

(LifeWire) - A diagnosis of cancer can add a complex new dimension to the sexual side of human relationships. From the emotional impact of diagnosis to the side effects of treatment, cancer affects sex in a myriad ways. According to the National Cancer Institute (NCI), there are a number of sexuality issues that concern cancer patients: 

Infertility resulting from treatment
Erectile dysfunction
Pain during penetration
Body image
Early menopause
Depression and anxiety
Loss of interest in sex

“It's important to realize how common sexual problems are after cancer treatment,” says Leslie R. Schover, clinical psychologist and professor of behavioral science at the University of Texas M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston.

“At least half of [cancer] patients have some kind of sexual problem,” she says. “They don't tend to go away unless people do something about it.”

Certain cancers, such as prostate, breast, bladder and colorectal, are more often accompanied by sexual problems, and many treatments present their own difficulties — radiation, for example, can damage tissue in sensitive parts of the body.

“With women, radiation in the pelvic region can destroy ovarian function and result in scar tissue,” says Schover. “In men, radiation can be destructive, especially for prostate cancer.”

Couples and Cancer

Married couples whose relationship is strong can usually weather the storms of cancer diagnosis and treatment, notes Schover, who is also the author of Sexuality and Fertility after Cancer. “There is no evidence that there's an increase in the divorce rate after cancer,” she says. “A lot of couples say that the cancer experience made them feel closer.”

Young, single cancer patients, however, face the challenge of finding a partner and planning a family while confronting the after-effects of illness, including battered body image, infertility and mood disorders. In fact, research has shown that anxiety and depression are more common among young adults and unmarried patients. "Anyone who has cancer at a younger age is much more distressed about it,” Schover says.

Gays and lesbians may face discrimination from health care providers. "It's important to remember that not everyone with cancer is heterosexual, and gay people with cancer may have to face rude and insensitive [professional] treatment,” Schover says. “They need to be strong and get support from friends and family.”

And sexual minorities aren’t alone; a 2007 study in Australia found that patients sought information on sexual intimacy but were often frustrated by health professionals’ focus on survival, with less regard for patients' personal relationships or quality of life.

Getting Help

Experts recommend cancer patients seek professional treatment for sexual issues, either with a psychologist or a sex therapist. “What's really needed is an approach offering both counseling and medical treatment,” says Schover, who adds that some patients may avoid getting the help they need due to the stigma that surrounds sexual counseling.

There are a number of medical advances available for patients whose sex lives may be suffering as a result of cancer. Medication, surgery and devices, such as penile implants, can help with erectile dysfunction; hormones, lubricants and vaginal dilators can ease painful intercourse. Many young cancer patients today are preserving their fertility by freezing sperm and, in a newer, still-experimental process, even their eggs.

Patients in a relationship are encouraged to talk with their partner about issues that arise, either with or without a therapist. The NCI recommends couples discuss their concerns and their feelings about the current state of their sex life, and work together to find ways to feel better about sexual activity.

Single cancer patients need to decide when, or if, to tell someone they’re dating about their cancer status. Most experts advise waiting; get to know the person before discussing sensitive issues, such as cancer and sexuality.

In addition to recommending dating sites, such as CancerMatch.com and Prescription4Love.com, Schover also offers the following counsel for those in the dating pool: “Remember that anyone who would reject you because you are a cancer survivor probably isn't someone you'd want to spend a lifetime with. It separates the sheep from the goats.”

Sources:

Leslie R. Schover, M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. Telephone interview, 8 Aug 2008.
"Facing Forward: Life After Cancer Treatment." 01 Nov 2006. Cancer.gov. National Cancer Institute. 6 Aug 2008 <http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/life-after-treatment/page5>.
Hordern, Amanda J., and Annette F. Street "Communicating About Patient Sexuality and Intimacy After Cancer: Mismatched Expectations and Unmet Needs." Medical Journal of Australia. 186 (2007): 224-227.
Noyes R. Jr., R.G. Kathol, P. Debelius-Enemark, J. Williams, A. Mutgi, M.T. Suelzer, and G.H. Clamon. "Distress Associated with Cancer as Measured by the Illness Distress Scale." Psychosomatics. 31:3(1990): 321-30. <http://psy.psychiatryonline.org/cgi/reprint/31/3/321>.

LifeWire, a part of The New York Times Company, provides original and syndicated online lifestyle content. Marc Lallanilla is a New York–based freelance writer and editor. He has written extensively on health, science, the environment, design, architecture, business, lifestyle and travel.

http://cancer.about.com/lw/Health-Medicine/Conditions-and-diseases/Sex-and-the-Cancer-Patient.htm

Why Do I Struggle with Sexual Intimacy?

Written by Barbara Wilson

There’s another way your abuse could be impacting you and that’s in your enjoyment and desire for sex with your spouse. 

In addition to the ways sexual abuse damages our bodies, spirits and emotions, sexual abuse also damages our view of sex. When we’ve been used for others’ sexual pleasure the experience becomes associated with a negative view of sex.

One of the most confusing things for the sexual abuse victim is how their bodies responded during the abuse. How can something that feels scary, wrong and shameful also feel so good? Often a strategic pedophile grooms his victim by awakening their sexual desire making them a more willing, pliable participant. 

Now something that God designed for a holy, precious union between a husband and a wife has been seared on the young person’s brain as something shameful, dirty, and painful.

Then they get married to the person of their dreams. They’re madly in love. They want to have sex with this person; except, when their sexual desire is aroused, the unexpected happens. The old familiar feelings of shame, disgust and the sense that this is wrong squelches their desire and causes them to shrink back from the loving touch of their spouse. Or if their abuse was violent causing fear and feelings of helplessness, those same emotions will arise during sexual intimacy, even though this is a safe person. 

You see, sexual abuse not only robs a child of their childhood, but also steals from their future. The result is an emotional and physical withdrawal on the part of the sexual abuse victim fracturing the marriage union at its foundation.

If this is you, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for all that’s been robbed from you–your yesterday and your today. There is hope for you. It no longer has to rob you of your future. You can choose today to break its hold on you, to heal from the pain and shame to love and live in freedom and wholeness.

I can hear some of you saying to yourself, “But I’ve done all the counseling…I’ve tried everything I can think of, and nothing has worked.” You may not like my answer, but I’m going to encourage you to not give up. Don’t give up. 

Healing is a journey, a process. It doesn’t happen overnight. Along with the support of a professional counselor I encourage you to try the steps of healing offered – “How to Heal from Your Sexual Past”. I’ve seen God transform and heal the lives of hundreds of women as they’ve brought their hurts and pain to Him.

There is hope for healing. God can heal anyone.  He can heal anything. He’s done it for me, and countless others. And He wants to do it for you.

gotquestions  http://powertochange.com/family/struggle-with-sexual-intimacy/