Why boys don’t know how to break up

By Olivia Yao, Three Moons | Yahoo! SHE 


Have you heard the horror stories about boys breaking up with their girlfriends through text, e-mail, fax (maybe in the olden days), or via someone else relaying the message? There are more versions I’m sure, but you get the picture. Then there are those boys who are able to gather the courage to tell you to your face but give you classic lines like, “It’s not me, it’s you,” or “I’m just really confused,” or “I’m going through a really bad time/phase/mental illness (if he’s truly desperate).”

It will just save everyone time, heartache, and frustration if your man (ex-man?) just manned up and admitted what he was really feeling: that he doesn’t love you anymore. Well, that’s not exactly how guys are programmed.

Avoiding the tears

Herald Cruz, certified life coach and head of the parenting cluster of the Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM) of the Ateneo de Manila University says it is difficult for men to break up face to face or to say that they don’t love you anymore because they struggle when it comes to being vulnerable. They would rather get out of a relationship the way you would rip off a band-aid—fast and painless—so they don’t have to deal with the emotions, theirs or the girl’s.

“Actually, an ideal way to break up with a girl is to just text her so you don’t have to hear her screaming at you,” says 29-year-old Tom (his name has been changed to protect him from the wrath the women in his life will unleash upon him once they read this article). “In the end, she’s going to hate you either way, so why not just avoid the confrontation? If you text her, she can scream and rant on her own. If she calls you, you can choose not to answer or to put the phone down if you don’t like what you’re hearing. You can’t do that in person.”

The exception?

Since Tom admits there’s really no nice way of breaking up without the girl wanting to string them up from the nearest tree, most guys would rather choose a way that’s the least stressful for them. However, he adds, “If your girlfriend is really nice, but you just feel she isn’t the one for you, then she should be given the opportunity to scream and rant at you in person. But if she was horrible to you during your relationship, then what’s the point of breaking up nicely?”

It’s also possible, though, that if he does break up with you in person because he thinks you’re such a nice girl, he won’t be able to bring himself to tell you the truth. Thus all those “It’s not you, it’s me” lines. Melissa Pizaña-Cruz, Cruz’s wife of 18 years, certified life coach and head of the parenting cluster of the Center for Family Ministries (CEFAM) of the Ateneo de Manila University, says, “They can’t seem to hurt the girl, not knowing that by not talking to her, they hurt her more.”

The male psyche

Cruz explains, “I think men have been raised not to be emotional and not to be totally honest about their emotions. Anger, they are allowed to express, but they struggle with expressing this other kind of emotion.”

So even if women will never accept or even tolerate this kind of behavior, at least we know where it’s coming from and why mature and intelligent guys are reduced to this when it comes to breaking our hearts. Oh well.

Olivia Yao has been writing ever since she can remember. She has written for health, teen, parenting, and children's magazines. Her latest endeavor is being a mom to her three-year-old daughter—her toughest assignment yet. Swap stories with her at threeolivias@yahoo.com.

For counseling and other inquiries, contact: Center for Family Ministries (CeFaM)
Spiritual Pastoral Center
Ateneo de Manila University Campus
Loyola Heights, Quezon City

Telefax: 426-4285
Telephone: 426-4289 up to 92
 E-mail: cefam@admu.edu.ph

http://ph.she.yahoo.com/why-boys-don’t-know-how-to-break-up.html

5 ways to deal with digital stress

RealBuzz

Switch off from work

According to a survey conducted by VTech and Toluna, being constantly accessible for work was the number one source of technology-related stress for participants, and nearly a quarter spent more time working because of it. Although it can be tempting to carry on checking emails and answering work calls long after you leave the office, it is important to allocate some time for yourself and switch off from work stress.

Tell your colleagues that you will be unavailable after a certain time, turn off your phone and computer and set aside some work-free time each evening to relax. Have a bath, read a book, take an exercise class, or do whatever helps you to unwind. If it is absolutely integral to check your messages outside of work hours, at least try to check them less often and set aside a portion of time when your phone is switched off.

Have important conversations face-to-face

One of the major problems with communicating primarily by email, social media sites or text messaging is that it can be difficult to detect tone or meaning in the same way as in a face-to-face conversation. Therefore, misunderstandings can easily arise. It is also more common to have to wait for a reply, which can cause prolonged stress and anxiety.

To avoid unnecessary drama and stress, try to have important conversations face to face and leave emails and texting as a way of making arrangements and for trivial chat. As many of us have become used to relying on technology rather than meeting in person, making more time for proper conversations will also help to give your relationships a boost.

Be selective with your contacts

Being inundated with messages or reading constant social media updates from people who cause you stress in any way can easily ruin your mood. Therefore, it can be helpful to be selective about who you are available to and when. Many of us feel obliged to accept all social media friend requests and hand over our personal contact details when asked, but only do this if you want to.

If you are not sure you want to be constantly accessible to a certain person, try politely explaining to them that you tend not to use that form of communication very often. Alternatively, if you don’t want to be constantly available to co-workers, set up accounts just for communicating with colleagues, which you can check as and when you want to.

Don’t feel pressured to have it all

According to VTech and Toluna’s survey, the second leading cause of technological stress is having to keep up with technology changes. However, it is important to realise that it is not essential to have and know it all. Although it may be tempting to purchase the latest mobile phone or iPod, or to set up an account for every social media site going, remember that technology is meant to be there to enhance your life not detract from it, and if it is causing you stress then it is not doing its job.

It is not worth letting technology ruin your mood, so try to stick to what you find useful and don’t feel under pressure to keep up with trends. If you do need to know about certain digital devices for your job or because you think it will enhance your life, take a course or ask someone to show you how to use it rather than letting it overwhelm you.

Have a digital detox

Many of us spend a vast percentage of our day connected to the internet or texting on our mobile phones; however this can cause us to miss out on many everyday sources of pleasure, such as conversations with the people around us. To help cut stress and make time for more worthwhile activities, try to have a digital detox.

Spend a week, day or afternoon (whatever you can handle) without any technology and live in the real world instead. Listen to the birds singing rather than your iPod, take in the view rather than tapping away at your phone, and call someone for a conversation rather than sending an email. When you get back to your computer or phone you will notice that the world didn’t stop because you turned it off for a while and there was probably nothing to stress about after all.

http://ph.she.yahoo.com/5-ways-deal-digital-stress-163320917.html

Pain In The Neck: Too Much Texting Could Lead To Overuse Injuries

ScienceDaily (Nov. 10, 2009) — The world record for fastest text message typing is held by a 21-year old college student from Utah, but his dexterous digits could mean serious injury later on. Most adults aged 18-21 prefer texting over e-mail or phone calls, and ergonomics researchers are starting to wonder whether it's putting the younger generation at risk for some overuse injuries -- once reserved for older adults who have spent years in front of a computer.

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See Also:

Health & Medicine

• Workplace Health
• Teen Health
• Back and Neck Pain

Computers & Math

• Computer Science
• Computer Modeling
• Communications

Reference

• Carpal tunnel
• Cyber-bullying
• Instant messaging
• Runner's knee

Judith Gold, an assistant professor of Epidemiology at the College of Health Professions and Social Work, thinks this might be the case. At this year's annual meeting of the American Public Health Association, she presented preliminary research which suggested that among college students, the more they texted, the more pain they had in their neck and shoulders.

"What we've seen so far is very similar to what we see with office workers who've spent most of their time at a computer," said Gold, who directs the Ergonomics and Work Physiology Laboratory. "The way the body is positioned for texting -- stationary shoulders and back with rapidly moving fingers -- is similar to the position for typing on a computer."

Text messaging is a fairly new technology, Gold says, so this is a new area of research among ergonomists. "But given the similarities in body position, findings from research on overuse injuries from computers could be applicable here," she said.

Current studies on computer use show office workers are prone to carpal tunnel syndrome, bursitis, and tendonitis.

In Gold's lab, she and her team use tools like infrared cameras, motion analysis and heart rate monitors to study the body's position in several job-related simulations. But given the prevalence of text messaging among young adults, Gold wants to delve further into the physiological effects of this latest form of communication.

"Looking around our campus, you see every student on their cell phones, typing away," she said. "It's the age group that texts the most, so it's important to know what the health effects may be to learn whether it will cause long term damage."

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091110105355.htm?ct=39995