Since the turn of the century, multimedia has transcended the globe in a whole new fashion. Now more than ever, people are voicing their opinions-and getting heard. Web surfers and bloggers have an interactive environment that is rising in popularity. Platforms such as blogs and vlogs are also beginning to bring an almost celebrity-like status to the operators that host these blogs. One such blogger, or rather, vlogger, is Kicesie who hosts a personal vlog account and an Advanced Sex Ed. Vlog on YouTube. This is her story. . .
Q: Do you feel that your vlogs have benefited your viewers?
A: If you had shown me these vlogs a year ago, I would have said, 'ehh, somebody might get something out of it.' But I have piles of emails from young adults to mid-50s who write me saying, 'Thank you so much! No one has ever spoken about it that clearly and honestly to me.' Or the one I prefer even more, 'Thank you! You have helped my marriage. We have the spice back!' I'm not quite sure HOW that happens. I think that my stuff is sexy enough that it can be, how can I put it.... inspirational? Yet it's professional enough that people feel free asking their partner to come watch it with them.
Q: Do you believe that your vlogs have benefited yourself?
A: Very few people would believe this, but I am a VERY shy person. Meeting someone new in person is one of my least favorite things to go through. Vlogging has been incredibly helpful in three major ways. One, I have learned to overcome a certain amount of shyness and just be myself, unapologetically. Two, I have met several VERY good friends over the internet as a result of them viewing my material. And Last, I am more certain than ever that I want to go into sex therapy and more specifically, into helping survivors of sexual assault (and studying assailants).
Q: How much time and effort goes into one of your sex vlogs?
A: That's really hard to estimate. My video on female orgasmic disorders I sat down , hadn't the slightest clue what I was going to say, and talked. It's one of my favorite ones in that series. Other videos like my one on foreplay took a lot of editing. That's where most of the time is eaten up - in editing. I've started to do a lot more research before making my videos though and so my video where I ask the viewers for their input on porn, I had done about 6 hours of research prior to shooting.
That said, the majority of my time is spent sifting through my messages, and answering as many as I can. My system of doing that will be changing soon, but keeping connected with my viewers is a huge priority to me. I know of few other vloggers with as many subscribers as I have who write over 40 messages a day (typically a page a piece). I know, what you're thinking, 'when do you do anything else!?' Sometimes I wonder the same thing.
Q: Does anyone else help you craft your vlogs?
A: My fiance helps me brainstorm, though our ideas quite often clash. He nearly demanded I put up the A/S/L video where I ask for more info from my viewers. It's been really helpful and enlightening though. He also helps me with goofy videos. My mom watches all of my videos and sometimes tells me I shouldn't have worn this or that shirt. Otherwise, it's just Ophelia (my cat) and I left to do all the work. Well, she runs around on camera, jumps on me, etc. She considers that work. :-)
Q: Do any of your family members know about your vlogs? If so, have they seen any of your vlogs? Did they have any particular reaction, good or bad?
A: As I mentioned, my mom watches them all. My dad and brother know about them, but haven't watched them. My mom is completely supportive! The only times she gets upset is at comments some people leave. Since all of my videos are by approval only I tell her, 'Yeah mom, I know. And those are the ones I DIDN'T delete.'
Q: Was there an incident when a viewer(s) was trying to wreck your reputation or was insulting in a way that was very hurtful? How did you deal with this situation?
A: I don't think I'm significant enough for anyone to see any benefit in ruining my reputation. The only thing I cannot handle is constant negativity. And there are a few youtubers I shall not name whose middle name is negativity (i know, corny, right?). But my comments are by approval only. After plenty of warnings, I don't approve any more of them.
I am ALL for that person's right to make a video about anything they like on their channel, so I don't see it as censorship. But when I've been so clear on what I can and cannot tolerate and a person violates it time and again, I won't have it.
Lastly, and most important to remember, is that 'haters' do what they do for attention. I've done my best to give them none whatsoever. Awful messages never get approved. No one sees them except for me, and it honestly doesn't phase me. I believe that's because you have to know who you are before you start vlogging. Many people will tell you that you are wonderful, many will tell you that you're worse than awful. You can't let EITHER of those things sway how you feel about you. It would be just as sad to get a big head over it all as it would be to lose your self-confidence.
Q: Was there any particular time when a viewer(s) gave you an awarding experience, dare I say, life changing?
A: I have made some temporary friendships that were full of life lessons for me. And I have made a couple friendships that I believe will last a lifetime. Friendship like that is so valuable.
I also get about 10 messages a week from rape survivors. And every one of their letters is rewarding to me. Their courage, their hope, their strength, their survival, their belief in me has been extremely life changing.
My viewers have been, without question, life changing for me. I might be partial, but I think they are the best viewers out there. They support me, believe in me, trust me, wish the best for me... I am wholly honored that they are a part of this.
Q: Do you have any particular advice for people just setting up a vlog?
A: Know yourself. Before you even start, know who you are. Many people will tell you awful things, some things so awful you can't help but laugh at the absurdity. Many people will nearly worship you. And while you can learn and grow from it all, who you are shouldn't change drastically.
And do it for yourself. That way if you don't get the amount of viewers you'd like, or people don't understand your humor/insights/point... it won't matter too much. These videos are logs of your life. Videos that can remain around forever if you so choose. They document your growth and change, your ups and downs. It's like journaling 2.0.
Q: Who is your favorite vlogger?
A: If you want to be specific down to just vloggers, my favorite one is (I know, not too original) thewinekone.
But if you're asking about my favorite youtuber, it would have to be roccigiovanniberrini. He always makes me laugh and is overall just a great guy.
Q: A lot of underage children go onto YouTube, do you have or have you had underage viewers on the sex vlog and if so, what reaction did you have?
A: This is a very hard one for me. If I had ANY way of ensuring the age of my viewers, I would do so immediately. Unfortunately, I cannot. It is because of this that I do not go into detail on technique issues. Still, I do NOT feel that a 10, 11, 12 year old (and so forth) has ANY business watching a video on potential oral sex problems and solutions. The only thing I can do is flag my videos, which I do when I feel they should be viewed by an older audience.
But what this tells me, what this SCREAMS at me are two things: One, we, as a society, are doing a despicable job of teaching our youth about sexuality. And TWO: Parents are obviously no where to be found when it comes to monitoring, limiting and discussing what websites are appropriate for their children (different sites for different ages I believe. 10 and 15 are quite different). I find that inexcusable. If you can afford a computer and internet access in your house, you can afford to buy and install a block on your computer to restrict your children's access to certain sites (especially if you are letting your 9, 10 and 11 year olds go on the internet without supervision)
I feel a huge burden regarding this. And while I never wanted to, I will be making a Basic Sex Ed series soon. I had assumed that all my viewers would know the basics of sex ed (safety, etc) but I was gravely mistaken. I have people in their 20s who have no real idea what protects against pregnancy and what doesn't.
Q: Do you receive a lot of questions from underage viewers?
A: Yes I do. And sometimes they are questions I can answer. Most of the time they are not and I refer them to websites that will deal directly with their concern or question gurl.com for example. I explain to the person writing to me that not only do I feel it is inappropriate for me to be discussing whatever they might have asked, but it's simply illegal. I encourage them to find an answer to their question(s) through research. There are lots of sites out there for youth made by professionals and I encourage them to go there.
Q: Were you ever a fan of Loveline, hosted by Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew?
A: Never was. I admire Dr. Drew a lot, but Carolla's 'humor' always bugged me. I also find that my views on healthy sexuality vary a bit from theirs. Some of my viewers have suggested that I am a Dr Drew and my shows need a Carolla character to offset that. I think people can grow up. ;-) I never meant for my videos to be entertaining, rather I meant for them to be informational/educational.
Q: Would you ever consider hosting a sex-oriented show be it radio or television?
A: I think it would depend largely upon the goals of the radio or television program. I am a stickler regarding my integrity. I'm not one you will find 'selling out'. I think to truly deal with any topic it requires respect, maturity, and trust. I also care very much about the companies I would, hypothetically, be working for. Is their business model one I can respect? Do they give to charity? What, if any, political agendas do they have? Who are their other radio or television personalities and do I respect them?
I know, I'm an idealist. What can I say? But integrity matters to me. And in the end, any of my viewers can KNOW that any project I am part of, I believe in! Any company I might eventually work for, I am 100% behind!
That being said, I would love to be on radio. An ex-boyfriend who was a classical station DJ once told me I didn't have the voice for radio. "Maybe for, like, some indie, hip college station, but that's all I can imagine." Who doesn't love to prove an ex wrong? :-)
Q: Do you consider yourself a feminist? How do you define feminism?
A: I can't remember who said it, but it's been said, 'You are either a feminist or a misogynist.' I completely agree.
Feminism is quite simply the belief in women as equal to men. Doesn't mean we have to be the SAME, just equal. It's the belief that being female is not a burden we must carry but a gift we can explore and enjoy (and I believe the same of the male gender).
I believe that most feminists also believe in rights for people of all sexual orientations, for minorities, for all genders (gender isn't always either/or), for all socioeconomic groups, all people!
Q: And finally, this is purely a self-indulgent question (I know your taken), but what is, in your opinion, the best attribute of a man?
A: This one is hard!! Do I only get to name one? I love so many things about men. Let's compromise, I'll name my top three. :-)
3) His Arms (love to be held by strong arms)
2) His Ambition (whether it's a passion for becoming the next great painter/artist, musician, philosopher, doctor, businessman, humanitarian, or whatever, he must set his sites high)
1) His Character! (he must care about the underdog, be a hero, have integrity, be committed, display loyalty/dependability in general, etc)
Well there you have it boys and girls. Answers straight from a YouTube diva.
In my spare time I write about movies, books, and other stuff I like. Bars are a typical treat for me and so is writing.
http://contributor.yahoo.com/user/49748/jeremy_zentner.html
Q: Do you feel that your vlogs have benefited your viewers?
A: If you had shown me these vlogs a year ago, I would have said, 'ehh, somebody might get something out of it.' But I have piles of emails from young adults to mid-50s who write me saying, 'Thank you so much! No one has ever spoken about it that clearly and honestly to me.' Or the one I prefer even more, 'Thank you! You have helped my marriage. We have the spice back!' I'm not quite sure HOW that happens. I think that my stuff is sexy enough that it can be, how can I put it.... inspirational? Yet it's professional enough that people feel free asking their partner to come watch it with them.
Q: Do you believe that your vlogs have benefited yourself?
A: Very few people would believe this, but I am a VERY shy person. Meeting someone new in person is one of my least favorite things to go through. Vlogging has been incredibly helpful in three major ways. One, I have learned to overcome a certain amount of shyness and just be myself, unapologetically. Two, I have met several VERY good friends over the internet as a result of them viewing my material. And Last, I am more certain than ever that I want to go into sex therapy and more specifically, into helping survivors of sexual assault (and studying assailants).
Q: How much time and effort goes into one of your sex vlogs?
A: That's really hard to estimate. My video on female orgasmic disorders I sat down , hadn't the slightest clue what I was going to say, and talked. It's one of my favorite ones in that series. Other videos like my one on foreplay took a lot of editing. That's where most of the time is eaten up - in editing. I've started to do a lot more research before making my videos though and so my video where I ask the viewers for their input on porn, I had done about 6 hours of research prior to shooting.
That said, the majority of my time is spent sifting through my messages, and answering as many as I can. My system of doing that will be changing soon, but keeping connected with my viewers is a huge priority to me. I know of few other vloggers with as many subscribers as I have who write over 40 messages a day (typically a page a piece). I know, what you're thinking, 'when do you do anything else!?' Sometimes I wonder the same thing.
Q: Does anyone else help you craft your vlogs?
A: My fiance helps me brainstorm, though our ideas quite often clash. He nearly demanded I put up the A/S/L video where I ask for more info from my viewers. It's been really helpful and enlightening though. He also helps me with goofy videos. My mom watches all of my videos and sometimes tells me I shouldn't have worn this or that shirt. Otherwise, it's just Ophelia (my cat) and I left to do all the work. Well, she runs around on camera, jumps on me, etc. She considers that work. :-)
Q: Do any of your family members know about your vlogs? If so, have they seen any of your vlogs? Did they have any particular reaction, good or bad?
A: As I mentioned, my mom watches them all. My dad and brother know about them, but haven't watched them. My mom is completely supportive! The only times she gets upset is at comments some people leave. Since all of my videos are by approval only I tell her, 'Yeah mom, I know. And those are the ones I DIDN'T delete.'
Q: Was there an incident when a viewer(s) was trying to wreck your reputation or was insulting in a way that was very hurtful? How did you deal with this situation?
A: I don't think I'm significant enough for anyone to see any benefit in ruining my reputation. The only thing I cannot handle is constant negativity. And there are a few youtubers I shall not name whose middle name is negativity (i know, corny, right?). But my comments are by approval only. After plenty of warnings, I don't approve any more of them.
I am ALL for that person's right to make a video about anything they like on their channel, so I don't see it as censorship. But when I've been so clear on what I can and cannot tolerate and a person violates it time and again, I won't have it.
Lastly, and most important to remember, is that 'haters' do what they do for attention. I've done my best to give them none whatsoever. Awful messages never get approved. No one sees them except for me, and it honestly doesn't phase me. I believe that's because you have to know who you are before you start vlogging. Many people will tell you that you are wonderful, many will tell you that you're worse than awful. You can't let EITHER of those things sway how you feel about you. It would be just as sad to get a big head over it all as it would be to lose your self-confidence.
Q: Was there any particular time when a viewer(s) gave you an awarding experience, dare I say, life changing?
A: I have made some temporary friendships that were full of life lessons for me. And I have made a couple friendships that I believe will last a lifetime. Friendship like that is so valuable.
I also get about 10 messages a week from rape survivors. And every one of their letters is rewarding to me. Their courage, their hope, their strength, their survival, their belief in me has been extremely life changing.
My viewers have been, without question, life changing for me. I might be partial, but I think they are the best viewers out there. They support me, believe in me, trust me, wish the best for me... I am wholly honored that they are a part of this.
Q: Do you have any particular advice for people just setting up a vlog?
A: Know yourself. Before you even start, know who you are. Many people will tell you awful things, some things so awful you can't help but laugh at the absurdity. Many people will nearly worship you. And while you can learn and grow from it all, who you are shouldn't change drastically.
And do it for yourself. That way if you don't get the amount of viewers you'd like, or people don't understand your humor/insights/point... it won't matter too much. These videos are logs of your life. Videos that can remain around forever if you so choose. They document your growth and change, your ups and downs. It's like journaling 2.0.
Q: Who is your favorite vlogger?
A: If you want to be specific down to just vloggers, my favorite one is (I know, not too original) thewinekone.
But if you're asking about my favorite youtuber, it would have to be roccigiovanniberrini. He always makes me laugh and is overall just a great guy.
Q: A lot of underage children go onto YouTube, do you have or have you had underage viewers on the sex vlog and if so, what reaction did you have?
A: This is a very hard one for me. If I had ANY way of ensuring the age of my viewers, I would do so immediately. Unfortunately, I cannot. It is because of this that I do not go into detail on technique issues. Still, I do NOT feel that a 10, 11, 12 year old (and so forth) has ANY business watching a video on potential oral sex problems and solutions. The only thing I can do is flag my videos, which I do when I feel they should be viewed by an older audience.
But what this tells me, what this SCREAMS at me are two things: One, we, as a society, are doing a despicable job of teaching our youth about sexuality. And TWO: Parents are obviously no where to be found when it comes to monitoring, limiting and discussing what websites are appropriate for their children (different sites for different ages I believe. 10 and 15 are quite different). I find that inexcusable. If you can afford a computer and internet access in your house, you can afford to buy and install a block on your computer to restrict your children's access to certain sites (especially if you are letting your 9, 10 and 11 year olds go on the internet without supervision)
I feel a huge burden regarding this. And while I never wanted to, I will be making a Basic Sex Ed series soon. I had assumed that all my viewers would know the basics of sex ed (safety, etc) but I was gravely mistaken. I have people in their 20s who have no real idea what protects against pregnancy and what doesn't.
Q: Do you receive a lot of questions from underage viewers?
A: Yes I do. And sometimes they are questions I can answer. Most of the time they are not and I refer them to websites that will deal directly with their concern or question gurl.com for example. I explain to the person writing to me that not only do I feel it is inappropriate for me to be discussing whatever they might have asked, but it's simply illegal. I encourage them to find an answer to their question(s) through research. There are lots of sites out there for youth made by professionals and I encourage them to go there.
Q: Were you ever a fan of Loveline, hosted by Adam Carolla and Dr. Drew?
A: Never was. I admire Dr. Drew a lot, but Carolla's 'humor' always bugged me. I also find that my views on healthy sexuality vary a bit from theirs. Some of my viewers have suggested that I am a Dr Drew and my shows need a Carolla character to offset that. I think people can grow up. ;-) I never meant for my videos to be entertaining, rather I meant for them to be informational/educational.
Q: Would you ever consider hosting a sex-oriented show be it radio or television?
A: I think it would depend largely upon the goals of the radio or television program. I am a stickler regarding my integrity. I'm not one you will find 'selling out'. I think to truly deal with any topic it requires respect, maturity, and trust. I also care very much about the companies I would, hypothetically, be working for. Is their business model one I can respect? Do they give to charity? What, if any, political agendas do they have? Who are their other radio or television personalities and do I respect them?
I know, I'm an idealist. What can I say? But integrity matters to me. And in the end, any of my viewers can KNOW that any project I am part of, I believe in! Any company I might eventually work for, I am 100% behind!
That being said, I would love to be on radio. An ex-boyfriend who was a classical station DJ once told me I didn't have the voice for radio. "Maybe for, like, some indie, hip college station, but that's all I can imagine." Who doesn't love to prove an ex wrong? :-)
Q: Do you consider yourself a feminist? How do you define feminism?
A: I can't remember who said it, but it's been said, 'You are either a feminist or a misogynist.' I completely agree.
Feminism is quite simply the belief in women as equal to men. Doesn't mean we have to be the SAME, just equal. It's the belief that being female is not a burden we must carry but a gift we can explore and enjoy (and I believe the same of the male gender).
I believe that most feminists also believe in rights for people of all sexual orientations, for minorities, for all genders (gender isn't always either/or), for all socioeconomic groups, all people!
Q: And finally, this is purely a self-indulgent question (I know your taken), but what is, in your opinion, the best attribute of a man?
A: This one is hard!! Do I only get to name one? I love so many things about men. Let's compromise, I'll name my top three. :-)
3) His Arms (love to be held by strong arms)
2) His Ambition (whether it's a passion for becoming the next great painter/artist, musician, philosopher, doctor, businessman, humanitarian, or whatever, he must set his sites high)
1) His Character! (he must care about the underdog, be a hero, have integrity, be committed, display loyalty/dependability in general, etc)
Well there you have it boys and girls. Answers straight from a YouTube diva.
Jeremy Zentner
In my spare time I write about movies, books, and other stuff I like. Bars are a typical treat for me and so is writing.
http://contributor.yahoo.com/user/49748/jeremy_zentner.html
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