When betrayal comes, what do you do? Get out? Get angry? Get even? You have to deal with it some way. Let’s see how Jesus dealt with it.
Begin by noticing how Jesus saw Judas. “Jesus answered, “Friend, do what you came to do.” (Matthew 26:50)
Of all the names I would have chosen for Judas it would not have been ‘friend’. What Judas did to Jesus was grossly unfair. There is no indication that Jesus ever mistreated Judas. There is no clue that Judas was ever left out or neglected. When, during the Last Supper, Jesus told the disciples that his betrayer sat at the table, they didn’t turn to one another and whisper, “It’s Judas. Jesus told us he would do this.”
They didn’t whisper it because Jesus never said it. He had known it. He had known what Judas would do, but he treated the betrayer as if he were faithful.
It’s even more unfair when you consider the betrayal was Judas’s idea. The religious leaders didn’t seek him, Judas sought them. “What will you pay me for giving Jesus to you?” he asked. (Matthew 26:15) The betrayal would have been more palatable had Judas been propositioned by the leaders, but he wasn’t. He propositioned them.
And Judas’s method again – why did it have to be a kiss? (Matthew 26: 48-49)
This is for my friend, I am charm, whose husband has left her and their child and is off having his affair with the other woman.
The statistics for an affair actually working out are very low, I think it is less than 2% of affairs actually turn into marriages, it is most likely not going to work out between him and the other woman, and it probably won’t even last past a year. This is good news for a wife who wants her husband to return to their family. However, you have many disadvantages on your side right now to work through.
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28
Do you like cooking shows? My family and I like to watch the cooking show CHOPPED. In that show, several top-notch chefs are given a basket of ingredients with which to hopefully make a savory dish. The challenge is in the ingredients; there is always an item or two that no chef in his right mind would choose. How does anyone make a five-star dessert with gummy worms ... or grits ... or baby beets? (I hate beets.)
Amazingly, the master chefs are able to take all the odd-ball ingredients in each course basket (appetizer, entree, and dessert) and work them together to make a great-tasting meal.
GOD IS THE MASTER CHEF
When it comes to life, God is the Master Chef. He is the One who is able to take all the difficult experiences and bad-tasting ingredients that befall us in life and work them together for good. He is the God who is able to give beauty for ashes (Isaiah 61:3).
I talked to a friend this week who is facing some very tough circumstances. Complications from a routine cataract surgery ended up costing him his right eye. And if that weren't enough to deal with, he is fighting prostate cancer that has spread. Without question, he has found some bad ingredients in his basket.
To earn someone’s trust is surely an honour beyond measure; therefore, it is unsurprisingly one of the most fundamental elements of a strong and successful relationship. Copious amounts of time and effort go into building and maintaining trust.
Consequently, the moment the trust is betrayed, the relationship starts to tremble at its knees. Dealing with an unfaithful spouse is indubitably one of the hardest ordeals any relationship can go through.
Whether you are at the receiving end of the betrayal, the unfaithful spouse, or even a friend of someone undergoing such plight, life coach Beth Scholes offers some tips as to how to face one of life’s darkest moments.
One of my clients once asked me what it means to trust another human being. She wanted to know how she should react when a spouse or significant other is dishonest, inconsiderate or having an affair. She wondered if it is possible to rebuild trust in someone who disappoints us greatly.
What does trusting someone signify?
Trust, in a practical sense, means that you place confidence in someone to be honest with you, faithful to you, keep promises, vows and confidences and not abandon you. Here are some factors to consider about trust. Trusting another person requires a realistic perspective about people and an expectation of failure. Trust needs to be combined with a willingness to forgive and grows best in an environment of acceptance and love.
There’s no magic machine, you don’t put in a quarter and out drops a can of trust — trust grows over time. People are complex, broken beings therefore, previous hurts, fears or losses can impede their determination to trust and/or be truthful in a relationship. But, people have the capacity and the ability to change and to grow in trust and truthfulness. You can rebuild trust in broken relationships when you make a choice to do so with the supernatural help of God.
Adjust your expectations
Unconditional love develops trust because as you express this kind of love towards someone — generally he or she will sense your acceptance and feel comfortable to be vulnerable and honest about their feelings. Unconditional love actually builds self-esteem in others and alleviates their fears of rejection. People learn that they can be authentic with you about their feelings, opinions, and failures. The result is a growing trust in the other person. Not because that person is perfect but because that person is growing in honesty. People are human, frail, and sinful. Therefore, you need a realistic type of trust when you choose to trust someone. Trusting grows in relationships over time because as you spend time together with someone you build knowledge, understanding and authenticity. You gain insight into another person’s character, needs, motivations and fears.
A Conversation about Love & God
Has love betrayed you? Is it preventing you from believing that you are a human being who is loved by God? You are intelligent, beautiful, loved, and not alone.
Unconditional love is patient and kind
It is not self-seeking. It does not keep a record of wrongs. When love is not patient or enduring; when love is unforgiving and always disappointed or looking for something to go wrong, it generates fear and looks for imperfections in the other person. Fear-based love is conditional creating an atmosphere of distrust, dishonesty and instability.
You can have a limited trust in people as you grow to know them and they see you really care about them but the fact is that people will let us down. That is reality. Obviously, when someone has broken their vows and been unfaithful, has lied or been dishonest in the relationship, they need to change. You can make some requests for change and take the risk of starting over again. Get counseling and pastoral guidance. You can find a counselor or go to the nearest mental health center. If you are suicidal please contact 911 (in the USA & Canada) or go to a hospital emergency room.
If that person is not sincere about changing and continues to lie or betray you, then, you need to consider whether to end the relationship.
Take a look at yourself as well
You will never be perfect and therefore, you will probably disappoint your loved one as well. You can promise to never say something hurtful or never tell a lie or never exaggerate or always keep your promises or (you name it) but since you are human you will also make mistakes and disappoint that person. The only thing you or your loved one can promise is to grow, to seek God and ask Him for strength to change. Then you and your loved one will become more trustworthy in your relationships, though you will never be perfect.
Every human relationship will suffer hurt. Thus, we all need to become better forgivers and confessors. That ability to reconcile and spirit of humbleness will prove the depth of your love and commitment.
The components of love, forgiveness and commitment are as necessary to trust in a relationship as is honesty. Forgiveness gives you the chance to start over and trust another fallible human being again. Love helps to nourish trust. Commitment and honesty provide accountability to one another.
The ability to forgive is rooted in being forgiven ourselves. In the Bible it says that God loves the world so much that he sent his only son so that we could be forgiven. As people we all make mistakes, not one of us can live up to the standard God set on our own. But God promises that if we accept what Jesus did for us, we can be forgiven. The slate can be wiped clean no matter what has happened in the past. God promises us strength for today and bright hope for the future. Whatever happened in your yesterdays God can take care of all of your tomorrows.
You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:
Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of woman you want me to be.
If this prayer expresses the desire of your heart, pray it right now and Christ will come into your life as He promised. If you invited Jesus Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.
To earn someone’s trust is surely an honour beyond measure; therefore, it is unsurprisingly one of the most fundamental elements of a strong and successful relationship. Copious amounts of time and effort go into building and maintaining trust. Consequently, the moment the trust is betrayed, the relationship starts to tremble at its knees. Dealing with an unfaithful spouse is indubitably one of the hardest ordeals any relationship can go through. Whether you are at the receiving end of the betrayal, the unfaithful spouse, or even a friend of someone undergoing such plight, life coach Beth Scholes offers some tips as to how to face one of life’s darkest moments.
To earn someone’s trust is surely an honour beyond measure; therefore, it is unsurprisingly one of the most fundamental elements of a strong and successful relationship.
Dealing with an unfaithful spouse is indubitably one of the hardest ordeals any relationship can go through. Whether you are at the receiving end of the betrayal, the unfaithful spouse, or even a friend of someone undergoing such plight, FamilyLife life coach Beth Scholes offers some tips as to how to face one of life’s darkest moments.
“Jesus asked him, ’Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?’” (Luke 22:48).
When we study the four gospels, we find a remarkable series of facts about Judas: He was personally chosen to be an apostle by Jesus Christ. He forsook all to follow the Lord. He spent 3 1/2 years traveling the length and breadth of Israel with Christ. He saw the miracles of Christ in person. He heard Christ give all his famous discourses. He watched as Christ healed the sick, raised the dead, and cast out demons. He, along with the other apostles, was sent out to preach the gospel. He was one of the leaders of the apostolic band. No one ever suspected him of treason.
That’s what makes his story so perplexing. What would make a man follow Jesus so closely for so long and then betray him at the end? The Bible itself gives us some tantalizing hints but no final answer to that question. We don’t know all that motivated Judas to go to the Jewish leaders with his evil plan. Was it envy? Was it disappointment? Was it misplaced patriotism? Was it greed? Was it some backhanded attempt to force Jesus to lead a revolution against Rome?
Perhaps the motives in his heart were as mixed as ours often are.
In the end the only thing that matters is that he betrayed Jesus. For that one act his name will live forever in infamy.
What he did, I could do. If I think otherwise, then I have missed the point of this story. Judas is a lot like us and we’re a lot like him. In fact, the more religious we are, the more like Judas we are. After all, you can’t get much more religious than being an apostle. He was as “in” as any person could ever be.
And yet he betrayed the Lord.
The story of Judas is in the Bible for many reasons, not the least of which is that before we take anything for granted, we should at least ask the question the other apostles asked that fateful night:
“Lord, is it I?”
Search me, Lord Jesus, and see if there be any Judas in me. Would I betray you, Lord? Reveal the truth and then heal my soul lest I for thirty pieces of silver should betray you again. Amen.
Dr. Ray Pritchard is the president of Keep Believing Ministries, in Internet-based ministry serving Christians in 225 countries. He is the author of 27 books, including Stealth Attack, Fire and Rain, Credo, The Healing Power of Forgiveness, An Anchor for the Soul and Why Did This Happen to Me? Ray and Marlene, his wife of 37 years, have three sons-Josh, Mark and Nick, two daughters-in-law--Leah and Vanessa, and two grandsons--Knox and Eli. His hobbies include biking, surfing the Internet, and anything related to the Civil War.
