Why Is Life So Much Harder for Some People Than Others?

CHRISTY FITZWATER

 

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Why does one woman suffer with diabetes her entire life while another is healthy?

Why does one woman lose her house in a fire while another woman’s house stands?

Why does one woman wait longingly to see one positive pregnancy strip while another woman drives a van full of kids?

I made a discovery in the Bible recently that helped to answer this question for me.

Holding On

by Kay W. Camenisch

Two birds battled in our driveway.The beak of one was clamped firmly on the leg of the other and it would not let go. The captured bird wrestled frantically to break loose. They jerked, thrashed, and rolled. I sat spellbound as they continued to lurch and tumble as each fought to gain the advantage.

I spotted the birds as I was leaving home to run an errand. I don’t know how long they had been locked in combat, but it looked like a fight to death. After watching almost ten minutes, I needed to go, but the birds blocked my path. When the front tire of my car was within a foot of them, the attacking bird finally released its grip and the two flew away, free.

The battle reminded me of a time my husband, Robert, and I had struggled. We must have looked just like those fighting birds. Conflict threatened to destroy our marriage and we couldn’t seem to work through it. We kept thrashing and tumbling as we sought to gain advantage. At every turn, one - or both - of us was hurt. I thought the emotional bumps and bruises would never cease.

Marriage on ice

by Dr. Gary Chapman

This article is courtesy of HomeLife magazine.

Although some people enjoy winter sports, I don't know any couples who enjoy winter marriages. Winter marriages are characterized by coldness, harshness, and bitterness. The dreams of spring are covered with layers of ice, and the forecast calls for freezing rain.

Marc has been married for 24 years but says of his marriage, "It's discouraging. We disagree on everything. We are both bull-headed, and this has created many conflicts. There is a coldness about our relationship."

His wife, Marsha, says, "Marc is so critical. I feel there has been more effort on my part than his. He will not listen and doesn't care about my feelings. At this stage, we spend little time together and give almost no affirmation or touch."

The winter season of marriage

Hurt, anger, disappointment, loneliness, rejection, and sometimes hopelessness are the emotions that couples experience when their marriage is in the winter season. What brings a couple to such an ice age? Rigidity - the unwillingness to consider the other person's perspective and to work toward a meaningful solution.

Help in Conflict

Written by Gail Rodgers

“And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:19)

No one likes to be thought of as needy. We prefer other adjectives for ourselves, words that reflect strength or wisdom. Think about your own needs for a moment. It’s easier to think of someone else and how to help them but can you identify where you are have been needy lately?

There is a tool we can use to help us see our own need. It is the tool of paying attention to any conflict in our lives. Conflict often reflects unmet needs. Think about it for a moment.

Take a moment to recall the last encounter you had with conflict. Most of us don’t have to dig very far into our memories. Sometimes the unmet need is basic and easy to remedy such as the need for sleep. Yet often it is much deeper. The need to feel valued and heard or the need to be accepted or respected can cause conflict from a wounded heart.

7 Things to Remember About Sex

Your spouse approaches intimacy much differently than you.


by Bob Lepine


It’s no surprise that many husbands and wives think differently about sex. And these differences can easily become a source of conflict in marriage.

With that in mind, I want to suggest seven things men need to remember about sex and seven things wives need to keep in mind as well:

What husbands should remember about sex

1. Hollywood sex is made up. It’s a fantasy. The people in romantic scenes in movies are actors. Don’t try to measure your marital sex against what you see in a romantic film.

2. Sex is probably (but not necessarily) a lower priority for your wife than it is for you. Are you as committed to meeting her needs and desires as you’d like her to be with your desire for sex? Could you even name her top three relationship needs? Here is one of them ...

3. Your wife needs a safe and secure relationship. In order for her to engage in sex with heart and mind and body, she needs to know that you will be there for her, that you are committed to her, and that she is your one and only.

My Mate Is Not My Enemy

Viewing your spouse as a gift from God is a life-changing perspective.
by James Ford

I have a confession to make.

I act like a spoiled baby when I'm sick. I whine and moan. I check my temperature every 30 minutes. I park myself in front of the television and expect my wife, Merry, to wait on me hand and foot. Never mind what plans she has for the evening—when I'm sick, her job is to take care of me.

But what happens when the roles are reversed, and she's stuck in bed with nausea, or vertigo, or a sinus infection?

I act like a spoiled baby. I whine and pout. I glare at her. How dare she get sick? Doesn't she know what plans I have? Doesn't she realize the pressure she's placing on me?

At some point during the evening, God convicts me of my selfishness, and I realize that I need to make a choice: Am I going to see Merry as my enemy? Or will I recognize again that God has given her to me as a gift … and stop moaning just because that gift has a fever and can't cook dinner?

You may not realize it, but you make the same choice on a regular basis. The choice confronts you when you argue … or when your spouse doesn't respond to your romantic overtures … or when you must decide who puts the kids to bed at night … or when you want to bake a batch of cookies and your spouse makes you feel guilty about your weight. Is my mate my enemy? Or a gift from God?

Choose Your Part

“Then the king said, ‘Bring me a sword.’ So they brought a sword for the king. He then gave an order: ‘Cut the living child in two and give half to one and half to the other.’ The woman whose son was alive was deeply moved out of love for her son and said to the king, ‘Please, my lord, give her the living baby! Don’t kill him!’ But the other said, ‘Neither I nor you shall have him. Cut him in two!’ ” — 1 Kings 3:24–26

In the opening chapters of the book of Kings, King Solomon is granted one wish. In this original genie-in-the-bottle moment, God appears to Solomon in a dream and invites him to ask for anything. King Solomon chooses to ask for wisdom. He places wealth, health, and immortality on the back burner, so that he can best serve God in his role as the king.

Immediately afterwards, we read the famous story about two women who approach the king about a dispute over a baby. The first woman claims that the other woman stole her baby after the woman accidentally killed her own child when she rolled over the baby during the night. The second woman denies the claim and insists that the living child is hers. King Solomon’s new gift of wisdom is demonstrated to the nation as he cleverly discerns the truth by offering to cut the baby in two in order to give both women half. As Solomon anticipates, the true mother is revealed when the second woman pleads with the king to give the whole child to the other woman rather than put the child to death.

Say You're Sorry

Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret.  2 Corinthians 7:10

A friend wrote to tell me of an incident in his home, a scene uncomfortably familiar to many of us. He and his wife had experienced some conflict -- nothing major, just enough to leave the air a bit tense as the breakfast rush ended and the kids disappeared for school.

My friend, Keith, admitted that he had "developed the fine art of winning arguments at any cost, especially when I am in the wrong!" So when his wife began to come down pretty hard on him for what he had done, he was half listening and half preparing his case for a suitable response.

"As I caught my breath," he wrote, "readying my tongue for the task, something happened. Just at that moment, God did one of those surprising things it seems He loves to do. No words came. I watched my wife fall silent in turn, as she waited, girding herself for my self-defense. But in place of my impeccable logic, five simple words came out of my mouth: ‘I'm sorry. I was wrong.'"

Repentance is never easy. We know. It's even bitter at times. But the fruit is sweet: Husbands and wives forgive each other and discover fresh joy, hope and oneness in their relationship. Children regain loving, attentive parents and are raised to fear God and keep His commandments. The estranged are reconciled. The haughty are humbled. The guilty find relief and rebellion. A family reformation begins.

Keith concluded, "Husband, don't argue with your wife from a position of authority or gifting or power or capacity. Don't win just because you can. Simply apologize." And ask for forgiveness.

Don't you love the way that sounds?

Discuss
How often do you repent to your spouse? In what situations do you argue rather than repent when your spouse points out a problem?

Pray
Ask God for a heart that doesn't argue when caught -- that your first thought would not be of self-defense but a desire to see how your actions (or inactions) are affecting your spouse. Pray that you will be quick to admit fault and ask for forgiveness.

http://www.familylife.com/404.aspx?reqUrl=no%20url

Waiting on the Promise : Sarah And Abraham

(Daily Portion 10423)

Content Author : Reagan, David

Scripture Passage : Genesis 16:1-16

In this chapter, both Sarai (Sarah) and Abram (Abraham) are impatient and cannot wait for the Lord to fulfill His promise of a son. Sarah offers her handmaid Hagar to Abraham as a means to a son and Abraham quickly accepts the offer. Their refusal to wait on the Lord results in additional trials and sorrows. It has always been and will ever be so.

What Does It Say?

1. Sarai had an handmaid, an _____________, whose name was ____________.
2. Abram had dwelt for _______ years in the land of Canaan.
3. The angel found Hagar by a fountain in the _______________ in the way to ________.
4. The angel told Hagar to __________ to her mistress and to ___________ herself under her hands.
5. Abram was fourscore and ________ years old when Ishmael was born.

What Does It Mean?

1. Sarai gave Hagar to Abram so that she might “obtain children by her” (Genesis 16:2
   ). Why was this so important to Sarah? How could she obtain children by Hagar? How does this compare with the story found in Genesis 30:1-6
   ?
2. When Hagar saw that she was with child, her mistress Sarah “was despised in her eyes” (Genesis 16:4
   ). This prompts Sarah to approach Abraham in anger (verse 5). Compare this with the record of Hannah and Peninnah in 1Samuel 1:1-7
   . Notice that Hannah has an adversary who is female—“her adversary” (1Samuel1:6
   ). What is happening in these stories? What can we learn from these stories?
3. Ishmael became the father of the Arab peoples. Consider God’s description of him in Genesis 16:12
    – “And he will be a wild man; his hand will be against every man, and every man's hand against him; and he shall dwell in the presence of all his brethren.” What does this verse tell us about the conflicts that have gone on for so long in the Middle East?

What Does It Mean to Me?

1. When Hagar despised Sarah, Sarah blamed Abraham—“My wrong be upon thee… the LORD judge between me and thee” (Genesis 16:5
   ). Yet, Sarah had offered Hagar to Abram (verse 2). What does this tell us about what was going on in this chapter? What does it tell us about ourselves?
2. After the appearance of the angel of the Lord, Hagar gave God the name: “thou God seest me” (Genesis 16:13
   ). Look at the following scriptures: Genesis 31:42
   ; Exodus 32:9
   ; 2Kings 20:5
   ; Isaiah 57:18
   ;Jeremiah 23:23
   ). What is the significance of this title? How does this aspect of God help us in our daily lives?

Suggested Memory Verse

Genesis 16:13

David Reagan

http://www.learnthebible.org/waiting-on-the-promise-daily-portion-10423.html

How to Fight Fair in Your Relationship

By YourTango.com | Love + Sex

When navigating the rough and rugged waters of a relationship, one of the trickiest places to steer your metaphorical love canoe through is a conflict. 

Yes, arguments happen and no, they aren't always pretty. And, thanks to the differences in the way our brains are wired, men and women handle them differently. Luckily our friends at Tokii polled their users to give us some helpful tips on working through conflict in a relationship. Now, steering that canoe through tumultuous waters may become a bit easier, so long as you follow these bits of advice (and check out the infographic below). 

1. Hit it head on. No passive-aggressive Facebook and Twitter updates here, people. Rather, the majority of men and women want to deal with conflict directly-62 percent and 64 percent, respectively. In a world where many turn to social media to complain instead of confronting issues in person, this is incredibly refreshing to hear. 

2. But don't say these words. Speaking of refreshing to hear, there are some phrases that definitely shouldn't be let loose when working through a conflict with a partner. For 67 percent of men, that phrase is, "You don't understand"; for 60 percent of women, it's "You need to calm down." Does this mean, "We need to talk" is fair game? 

3. Establish rules. Aside from knowing which phrases will trigger a strong reaction, it's also advised to go into an argument with an established set of ground rules-63 percent of men and 47 percent of women agree. Of course, when to set these ground rules is still up in the air (but mid-fight is likely not an ideal time). 

4. Avoid sensitive topics. The trickiest of them all? Money. Forty-nine percent of women and 44 percent of men say income is the subject that brings about the most conflict within their relationships. 

5. Work together towards resolution. Often the toughest part of dealing with conflict in a relationship is ending it. Men feel they are more willing than women to compromise during a disagreement; however, twice as many women are willing to admit they're wrong. 

Written by Kait Smith for YourTango.com.