Renewing your Sex Life after Childbirth

Irwin Goldstein, MD

Women’s sexual function is a complex integrated phenomenon that reflects both her psychological sociocultural, interpersonal influences as well as her biologic influences including the health of her gynecologic, urologic, endocrinologic, cardiovascular and central and peripheral nervous systems. If a woman has a sexual dysfunction that causes personal distress, she has the right to appropriate holistic (biologic and organic) sexual health management. 

At the Institute for Sexual Medicine at Boston University School of Medicine, we have evaluated over 1200 women for psychologic and biologic concerns with sexual dysfunction since 1998. One of the most common complaints has been persistent or consistent sexual dysfunction since childbirth. Post-childbirth sexual complaints include: loss of desire, decreased frequency of sexual activity, painful intercourse, diminished sexual responsiveness, difficulty achieving orgasm, decreased genital sensation, decreased genital arousal and new onset pudendal neuropathy (associated with a forceps delivery).

Journey into Wholeness

by Idelette McVicker

“Hear my prayer, O God; listen to the words of my mouth.”  Psalm 54:2

Once, after walking the streets of the most destitute area in our city, I asked a friend who lives there as a missionary about taking a person through the process of coming into freedom. As a couple, my missionary friends have spent their lives working with people who want to grow whole in Christ.

Knowing my own healing journey, I could hardly imagine the time and commitment required for someone who has suffered deep trauma and beyond.

He said that once, while in prayer, his wife felt God saying that the hours and hours they put in for someone to be set free is so they would appreciate when Freedom comes in an instant.

I look forward to the day when we can all be healed and well in an instant. In the meantime, I look forward to appreciating the miracle as we put in the work and the love.

Thank you, Jesus, for taking us through the process of life. We long for your healing and your renewal of all your people, however you choose to pour it out on us. May your Kingdom come. We love you, Amen.

You can comment on this devotional online at:

http://thoughts-about-god.com/blog/2013/03/18/im_journey-into-wholeness/

 

No Longer Addicted

SANDRA LESOURD

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(© Madja/StockFreeImages.com)

Any traumatic occurrence can lead to a life of desperation and idolatry, but Christ can set you free from addictions and compulsive habits

It's 6 a.m., and the alarm is beeping relentlessly. Decision time: Slap the "snooze" bar, or up and at 'em?

These days my feet hit the floor with great anticipation for what the Lord has planned for me. In prayer and in His Word, I get my marching orders for the 24 hours ahead.

Your Life Is Shaped by Your Thoughts

by Rick Warren “Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.” (Romans 12:2 NLT) You cannot become all God created you to be until you understand the five factors that influence your identity. The first two are chemistry (how you are made) and connections (your relationships). You are a product of the way God created you and of the relationships in your life.

Could Jesus Have Survived the Crucifixion?

Answered by Greg Laurie

The swoon theory is one of Satan's oldest lies concerning the Resurrection. This theory proposes that Jesus did not rise from the dead, because He never really died. 

Instead, Jesus went into a deep coma or "swoon" from the severe pain and trauma of the Crucifixion. Then, in the cool atmosphere of the tomb, Christ revived, somehow escaped the strips of cloths that were wrapped tightly upon Him, and then appeared to His disciples.

The swoon theory flies in the face of the facts. You see, the Roman guards were experts at execution and would be put to death if they allowed a condemned man, like Christ, to escape death. The guards were certain Jesus was dead, because when they thrust a spear into His side, it brought forth blood and water. This was their final proof of His death because this occurs when the heart stops beating.

Growing Up in the Shadow of OCD

By Robyn Cuspin

When I remember the mother of my childhood, I remember her washing the dishes, scrubbing the floor, or checking and doubling-checking the gas burners to make sure they were completely off, and we wouldn't all be gassed in our sleep. She had a special chant she used as she checked the burners. Standing with her hands on her hips and one finger outstretched, she began, "Silver. One. Two. Three. Off." And again, "Silver. One. Two. Three. Off." If she was interrupted, she would begin again. "Silver. One. Two. Three. Off." But even if she wasn't interrupted, she would begin again. Leaving the house was an anxiety-ridden process of checking, and double checking, to make sure there would be a house to return to. Needless to say, my mother was always late. Her rules were all that stood between her and the abyss of anxietyYears later, as an adult, I would begin to understand her anxiety about being gassed as an inter-generational inheritance from my grandmother's adolescence interred in the concentration camps. But as a child I couldn't begin to make the connection between our enormous, white, antique gas oven, and my silent, sad, and obese Yiddish-speaking grandmother, who shopped and cooked in preparation for the great famine that never arrived.

Depression: Illness or Spiritual failure?

Written by Cynthia Cavanaugh

Angry, frustrated and confused, I boarded a plane for Southern California. My dear friend and mother-in-law lay in a hospital bed with the shadow of death hovering. As I sat on the plane numb and expressionless. I cried, “Lord, where are you? Can’t you see my wounded heart?” I wanted to scream instead of cry, “LORD, I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” I felt as though his face was shrouded from me.

This was one of the few times in my journey with God where I truly felt that I had been abandoned by Him. So many traumatic events had happened. Just two weeks earlier we had buried my grandfather–the spiritual rock of our family. I had had the privilege of caring for him and walking with him through his last days and now, just weeks after his death, I was possibly facing another. I felt as though the foundation of my childhood was being bulldozed.

Risk Of Postpartum Depression Higher For Latinas Victimized By Domestic Violence

Latinas who endure violence at the hands of a partner during or within a year of pregnancy are five times more likely to suffer postpartum depression than women who have not experienced such violence, according to a new study by researchers at the UCLA Center for Culture, Trauma and Mental Health Disparities.

The study, published in the current issue of Archives of Women's Mental Health, suggests that recent exposure to intimate partner violence, or IPV, is a much stronger prenatal predictor of postpartum depression than even prenatal depression, which is generally considered the most significant predictor.

In addition, recent partner violence has a stronger effect on postpartum depression than prior episodes of trauma from either partners or non-partners, the researchers said.

The authors suggest that pregnant women be screened for both prenatal depression and IPV.

How to Take Care of Yourself Postpartum

Whether you had a Caesarean section or a natural birth, it's important to take care of your own body after giving birth. While a C-section, which is major abdominal surgery, is the more invasive and traumatic procedure, women who deliver naturally still need to care for themselves postpartum. 

Expect to have some bleeding, at times very heavy bleeding, for up to six weeks after delivery. Your OBGYN will advise you not to use tampons - only pads. If you've had an episiotomy - a small perineal cut to allow easier passage for the baby out of the birth canal - then there could be some significant pain, plus care for stitches. Take the pain medication your doctor has either prescribed or recommends. 

Significant pain can inhibit milk production in breastfeeding moms, so be sure your pain is managed. In order to replenish the nutrients depleted, either by pregnancy or the subsequent bleeding, be sure you're eating the right diet. Beef up your protein levels to 60-70 grams a day - chicken, lentils, eggs and other sources help your body recover from childbirth. Iron from lean beef, cereals and other grains will help prevent anemia as your body sheds blood and other fluids.

Healing From Your Sexual Past

Written by Barbara Wilson

I’ve heard every possible story. In addition to hearing the stories of the women who come into our bible study for sexual healing, people email me from all over the world. Just when I think I couldn’t possibly hear anything worse, someone shares the unimaginable with me. The evil that people do to one another must break and grieve God’s heart, the One who made us in His image, and created us precious in His sight. I know, because it desperately breaks my heart to hear the pain, humiliation and evil people have caused these precious women who share their hearts with me.

I’ve discovered after working with hundreds of women that regardless of the cause of their sexual wounding—whether from abuse, trauma as in rape, sex-trafficking or from their own choices, theyall experience shame. They all believe that somehow they were to blame. They feel that they caused it, they allowed it, they wanted it, they deserved it, they were stupid for falling for it—on and on the lies go.

It’s often the shame that keeps us from taking the first step towards healing. First, because we don’t want to share our story with anyone—for we’re sure others will confirm how we feel about ourselves. And second because the shame tells us that we’re not worthy of healing—not after all we’ve done, or allowed others to do to us. We believe that that is all we’re good for and that we’ll never deserve any better.

Doesn’t that sound hopeless? So sad? This is one of the biggest lies I hear, and it’s a lie from the pit of hell.

Regardless of what has happened to us, whether our sexuality was robbed from us, whether we were abused, used, or we willingly gave our virginity away, we are worth everything to God. We were worth our Savior’s sacrifice of His life, and regardless of how we’re treated, or what others say, God is the One who determines our worth.

It’s His opinion alone that matters. And He finds us loveable, worthy, precious and best of all, Hewants us. He wants to know us, love us, be with us, and share His life with us. Sometimes that’s hard to believe if everyone in our life has wanted us for their own selfish motives. But you can trust God. He will never hurt you, abuse you or betray you.

Alexa

One young woman, Alexa, had been gang raped by some boys she thought were friends. The one friend had invited her over to his place between classes, and there waiting were for her were the other guys. She was alone, vulnerable, without a chance of escape. I was horrified by her story. But it was the next words out of her mouth that I’ll never forget.

“It was all my fault,” she asserted, as if I must surely agree.

Taken aback, I replied, “How could gang-rape possibly be your fault?”

“Because,” she assumed, “I shouldn’t have been so stupid to trust him.”

Can you hear it? The shame, guilt, responsibility? She was angrier at herself than those who’d violated her. And because she believed she was to blame, she never told anyone for the next three years.

Healing from Trauma

For those of us who haven’t experienced sexual abuse, we find it hard to imagine that anyone who’s experienced sexual abuse as a child could believe that the abuse was their fault. But I hear it over and over. In fact the first step of healing for the sexual abuse victim is to recognize and acknowledge that the abuse was against their will, and not their fault regardless of how their bodies responded. They did not want it, no matter what their perpetrator said. They did not deserve it, they were not to blame. Often the beginning and hardest step of healing is transferring the blame they’ve carried, from themselves to the where it belongs—on him or her who exposed them to sex, and used them for their pleasure.

With current rates of sexual abuse by age 18 at one in three to four girls and one in six boys, I know that many of you have experienced this trauma. And my guess is that most of you have resisted God’s call to pursue healing—maybe because of the very lies I’ve mentioned here.  It’s time to say yes to God. It’s time to let Him heal your wounds and set you free from the lies surrounding your abuse.

You’ve suffered long enough. The shame and pain is keeping you stuck–spiritually, emotionally and physically from becoming all that God created you to be. There’s a world waiting to meet you…the real you. Not the one shrouded with lies and shame. But the you that only God knows. The you He died for so you could be free to love, live and serve with total abandon. I believe that although your heart’s desire is to help set others free, maybe God’s heart is to first set you free.  Isn’t it time?

 When we’ve been used or abused with sex, it damages our view of sex, ourselves, others and God. Part of the healing process will be seeing ourselves and sex from God’s perspective. God made sex. And He made it good, pure and pleasurable. But when sex has been a source of pain and wounding, it’s impossible for us to view it from God’s perspective; to see it as something good.

That’s essential if we want complete healing, and have the kind of emotional and physical intimacy God desires for us to have in marriage. Also, because of the bonds we’ve created with other partners, we need to trust God to sever those bonds so that we can have our bonding hormone restored, allowing us to bond fully in a present or future marriage. Healing restores all our relationships, because we’ll finally be able to reconcile ourselves to us. Being at peace with ourselves, frees us to be at peace with others.

Let the healing begin

For the past several years I’ve had the privilege of watching God heal hundreds of people from their sexual pasts. God led me to write a bible study for sexual healing, and through twelve chapters we lead people through a grieving process for their sexual pasts. I want to encourage you if God is bringing to mind things you’ve yet to heal from, that you’ll have the courage to join me and countless others in the following steps to healing:

1. Healing the wounds we’ve accumulated from our past.

2. Grieving the losses we’ve experienced.

3. Exposing the lies we’ve ingrained because of our past.

4. Breaking ungodly sexual bonds.

Healing the wounds we’ve accumulated from our past. Some wounds we’re aware of, but many we’re not, until we let God show us how our past is still hurting us today. When we let God show us how our past has hurt us, He’s able to heal our brokenness. But the first step and often the hardest is acknowledging what’s happened to us. And with abuse or trauma, often we can’t remember clearly what’s happened. But God knows our whole story, every detail. And when we give Him permission, He’ll show us our story. Here’s an exercise that can help you see your own story.

Grieving the losses we’ve experienced. Whether our sexuality was stolen from us or we gave it away, we experience a loss. But unfortunately many of us don’t allow ourselves to grieve those losses. John Townsend and Henry Cloud in their book, How People Grow, say that “Grief is the one pain that heals all others. It is the most important pain there is.”[1]

Because many of us feel responsible for the loss, we often don’t feel we deserve to grieve. But the truth is, we do deserve to grieve, even more, we need to grieve. In fact God grieves right along with us. He feels our pain, bears our burdens. He even collects our tears, King David tells us in Psalm 56:8, “Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll—are they not in your record?” And as we grieve, God is able to comfort and heal us. Here’s an exercise to help you walk through the grief process.

Exposing the lies we’ve ingrained because of our past. For many years I believed that God was the one who was heaping shame on me. I was certain He was disappointed with me, and no matter how many times I asked for forgiveness, I still had shame. But as I allowed God to heal me, I discovered that He did not see me the way I saw myself, the way the enemy tried to make me feel.

He did not see me as sinful, dirty and unrighteous. Instead because of what Jesus did on the cross, and my acceptance of His forgiveness, God saw who I was in Christ–holy, righteous, blameless, forgiven. Yet I’d been living out of the lie of the enemy. Once I saw the truth, the enemy could no longer deceive me with this lie.  Here’s an exercise to help you see how God views sex.

Breaking ungodly sexual bonds. The bonding of sex is not only physical, but also spiritual, emotional and mental which includes the chemical and hormonal bonding that happens. Although we’d like to believe that breaking up and moving on severs that bond, in truth, only God can sever the ‘one flesh’ bond He’s created through sex.

The bible says that this bonding is a mystery. In other words, it’s unexplainable, supernatural, something only God can do. So it makes sense that only God can completely sever this bond. In this step we ask God to show us everyone we’ve created a sexual bond with, and write out a sexual history list. Then we pray through each name (or memory if we don’t have a name) asking God to sever the bond we’ve created—at every level, spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally.  Here is the prayer to pray.

Really Good News…           

Oxytocin is God’s super-human glue that is released in a man and woman during sexual arousal and release. When we’ve created bonds with others through sex, we can damage our bonding hormone, causing us to release less and less with each subsequent partner. But I have amazing news! Preliminary research is showing that as we heal, our brain heals, allowing us to release oxytocin again. Isn’t God so kind? Regardless of how our bonding hormone was damaged or depleted, when we let God heal us, He even restores our ability to bond. That’s what God told us in Joel 2:25, ‘I will repay for the years the locusts have eaten…” God promises to pay us back all that the enemy has robbed from us—even oxytocin.  Here’s an exerise to walk through the process of breaking sexual bonds.

I want to leave you with one final word of encouragement. Its true…healing isn’t easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. In fact it can be quite painful, and take longer than expected. But this I can promise: it’s worth the journey. I would never want to go back to where I was, broken, clothed in shame, stuck spiritually, emotionally and physically.

For 25 years shame was my constant companion. But when God restored me 8 years ago, that’s when I really began to live…that’s when I became free. What a feeling! I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And it’s not just me. Everyone who’s had the courage to trust God with their pasts, regardless of how hard the journey, not one has ever said they wished they could go back to the way things were.

I’m praying that this is the day you’ll say yes to God, and begin your journey to a life of freedom. You’ll never regret it…I promise.

http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2011/08/09/healing-from-your-sexual-past/

How Do I Know if I Need Healing?

Written by Barbara Wilson

Sometimes we can feel a certain way for so long that it starts to feel normal, comfortable even. It becomes so familiar that we stuff down that nagging thought that we should do something about our struggles. The process of healing can seem scarier than what we’re experiencing now.

I met a woman at a retreat who began to share with me that her abuse at 10 years old was surfacing again now that she was 40. Despite her efforts to will it away year after year by stuffing away the memories and emotions, instead it had grown to a frenzy of fear, shame and pain. Even worse, it was impacting the intimacy she longed to enjoy with her husband. She agreed that she needed to ‘deal’ with it, but in order to do that, she would need to bring the past into the open and that was just too scary.

I assured her of two things…the same two things I suggest to you. First: there is hope for healing. She can be free of the impact of the abuse. Not the memories, but the haunting control the memories were having on her life. Second, it was not going away on its own. Until she took the steps necessary to allow for healing, every morning for the rest of her life she’d wake up longing for peace from its torment.

So how do you know if your sexual past is still hurting you today? This list describes some of the ways that your abuse could still be impacting your day to day life:

• You’re having trouble functioning at home or work
• You’re suffering from severe fear, anxiety or depression
• You’re unable to form close, satisfying relationships
• You’re experiencing terrifying memories, nightmares, or flashbacks
• You’re avoiding more and more things that remind you of the abuse or trauma
• You’re feeling emotionally numb and disconnected from others
• You’re using alcohol or drugs to feel better, or to be able to be intimate with your spouse
• You’re not enjoying intimacy with your spouse, you feel like there should be more .

gotquestions http://powertochange.com/family-life-canada/need-healing/

All Slideshows » The Real Causes of Breast Cancer

The Real Causes of Breast Cancer

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  Alcohol
  Theory: Many studies have shown that alcohol consumption can lead to a higher risk of breast cancer, even at moderate amounts. Women who have more than two drinks a day increase their risk one and half times that of a woman who drinks less.
  Comment: The evidence shows that the link between breast cancer and alcohol is strong. Dr. Moffat says, Even small amounts can have an impact. Cutting back on alcohol intake is one of the best ways of reducing your risk.
  Conclusion: Strong Link
  http://www.thirdage.com/breast-cancer/real-causes-breast-cancer
• Alcohol
  

  Theory: Many studies have shown that alcohol consumption can lead to a higher risk of breast cancer, even at moderate amounts. Women who have more than two drinks a day increase their risk one and half times that of a woman who drinks less.

  Comment: The evidence shows that the link between breast cancer and alcohol is strong. Dr. Moffat says, Even small amounts can have an impact. Cutting back on alcohol intake is one of the best ways of reducing your risk.

  Conclusion: Strong Link
• Stress
  

  Theory: An Israeli study claimed that women who experience more than one stressful event throughout their lifetime are at greater risk of developing breast cancer.

  Comment: Dr. Moffat says that evidence proving a link between stress and breast cancer is weak. She added, The problem is that its very hard to measure or even define stress. And stressful situations can make some people more likely to take up unhealthy behaviors such as smoking or heavy drinking.

  Conclusion: Weak Link
• Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT)
  

  Theory: Evidence shows that combined hormone replacement therapy (HRT), which uses estrogen and progesterone, can increase the risk of breast cancer, especially if used over longer periods of time.

  Comment: According to Dr. Moffat, HRT is still an effective short-term treatment for menopausal symptoms. Using HRT for a few years doesnt greatly increase your risk, but the longer you stay on it, the higher your risk becomes. Only five years after stopping will your risk return to that of a woman who has never used HRT.

  Conclusion: Strong Link
• Trauma to Breasts
  

  Theory: Physical trauma to the breast can lead to the development of breast cancer.

  Comment: There is no strong evidence to suggest this. Dr. Moffat says that Cancers are fundamentally caused by faulty or damaged genes and take a very long time to develop. Rather, recent injuries to the breast will lead physicians to examine it more carefully, drawing attention to tumors that were already there.

  Conclusion: Weak Link
• Weight Gain
  

  Theory: The chance of getting breast cancer after menopause increases if you gain weight. A woman who puts on around thirty pounds throughout her adult life before going through menopause doubles her risk for getting the disease.

  Comment: The link between weight gain and breast cancer is strong. Maintaining a healthy body weight can reduce your risk of getting the disease. Dr. Moffat notes that Fat is not inactive its actually pumping out hormones and other chemicals that can affect your risk of disease.

  Conclusion: Strong Link
• Household Cleaning Products
  

  Theory: Some believe that household cleaning products lead to a higher risk of breast cancer, particularly after a recent US study found that women who used air freshener sprays were twenty percent more likely to develop the disease.

  Comment: There is no strong evidence that links cleaning products to breast cancer. Dr. Moffat notes that the studys subjects may have had recall bias, in which their memories were affected by their beliefs of what is true. This may be the case in this study especially because women were asked to recall insignificant behavior from years before.

  Conclusion: Weak Link
• Using the Pill
  

  Theory: Taking the Pill, which contains both estrogen and progesterone, will increase your risk of breast cancer. It can take ten years of being off the Pill to bring your risk back down to levels as if you had never taken it.

  Comment: While there is strong evidence suggesting that the Pill slightly increases your risk of developing breast cancer, Dr. Moffat also points to the fact that the Pill can also protect against other cancers. She notes, It halves a womans risk of ovarian and womb cancers, and this protective effect continues for about 15-20 years after stopping.

  Conclusion: Strong Link
• Underwire Bras
  

  Theory: It had been suggested that wearing an underwire bra will obstruct lymph flow and put pressure on lymph nodes in the armpit.

  Comment: There is no strong evidence linking underwire bras to breast cancer. Rather, it has been theorized that women who dont wear bras regularly tend to be thinner, which is the actual reason for their lower risk of getting breast cancer.

  Conclusion: Weak Link
• Smoking
  

  Theory: A study from the California Environmental Protection Agency found that secondhand smoke and breast cancer have a causal association amongst pre-menopausal women. Additionally, exposure to smoking during childhood and puberty may also lead to breast cancer.

  Comment: According to Dr. Moffat, even though there is no definite link between smoking and breast cancer, we do know that the chemicals in cigarette smoke can cause at least a dozen different types of cancer around the body, so theres still every reason to try to be a non-smoker and avoid passive smoke when you can.

  Conclusion: Strong Link
• Not Breast Feeding
  

  Theory: Research has suggested that women who breast feed their babies longer have a lower risk for developing breast cancer. It could be because breast feeding reduces a womans number of menstrual cycles, lowering her exposure to estrogen and progesterone.

  Comment: Dr. Moffat agrees with the research: the longer a woman breastfeeds, the lower her risk of cancer.

  Conclusion: Strong Link
• Anti-Perspirants
  

  Theory: It was originally theorized that wearing deodorant prevents toxins from leaving the body through sweat, and because those toxins occur around the breast, breast cells can become cancerous. However, no major studies have proven this theory.

  Comment: The evidence for a link between antiperspirants and breast cancer is weak. According to Dr. Moffat, Concerns about deodorants and breast cancer started with an email hoax, and there are no facts behind this claim.

  Conclusion: Weak Link
• 
  

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• Alcohol
  

  Theory: Many studies have shown that alcohol consumption can lead to a higher risk of breast cancer, even at moderate amounts. Women who have more than two drinks a day increase their risk one and half times that of a woman who drinks less.

  Comment: The evidence shows that the link between breast cancer and alcohol is strong. Dr. Moffat says, Even small amounts can have an impact. Cutting back on alcohol intake is one of the best ways of reducing your risk.

  Conclusion: Strong Link

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