Empty nest syndrome can cause symptoms of depression and a loss of sense of self, but preparation can help you transition to your new parenting role. Here's how.
One day, the house is full of noise. You’re tripping over sneakers left in the middle of the living room floor or complaining for the zillionth time that the new driver in the house didn’t leave any gas in the car.
And then they’re gone.
Life takes myriad twists and turns and, even when you expect them, they're not always easy to handle. Parents know their children will leave home one day, but transitioning through this stage of parenting can be difficult, no matter how proud you are that they’re all grown up or how you might be looking forward to re-focusing on your marriage.
"The second-to-last definitive phase of family development would be the empty nest," says Grattan Giesey, MSSA, a licensed social worker in the department of child and adolescent psychiatry at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. "It's the time at which the last child leaves the house and basically does not return."
Coping With Empty Nest Syndrome
The symptoms of empty nest syndrome are grief and loss for the parenting role, as well as for the forever-changed family dynamic.
How does a parent get over the heartbreak of empty nest syndrome, with no more babies at home to care for? "It isn't so much that there is a treatment for empty nest syndrome," says Giesey. "If someone is grieving the loss of the family, it would be treated like any other grief."
Grief has the potential to turn into full-blown depression, and depression certainly requires professional help. Medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, and family therapy may help parents struggling with empty nest syndrome. Most often, says Giesey, a combination of those approaches is the most effective treatment if the symptoms are serious enough.
Creating Your New Role
Parents can take steps to avoid a full-blown case of empty nest syndrome by establishing themselves outside of their parenting roles before children go off to college or move away. Not only does this make for happier individuals, a happier marriage, and better parents, but it also helps ease the transition from children living at home to children leaving the nest.
“Parents need to have social outlets, they need to have interests, they need to have their lives have meaning outside of their kids before they leave home," says Giesey. Long before they cut that final cord, your kids don't really need day-to-day-care. Start cultivating your own interests, needs, wants, and daily life outside of your kids' lives — don't wait until they’re gone. "After the fact, saying ‘what should I do?’ is a whole lot tougher to deal with," adds Giesey.
Start by making new friends or spending time with old ones you haven't seen in a while. Create a new routine — a daily exercise routine is a healthy place to start.
The Story of an Empty-Nester
Natalie Caine, 60, was in a high school orientation meeting for parents of seniors when she suddenly realized that her nest was about to be empty and there was only one short year left before her daughter would head off to college.
"That was the beginning," she said, realizing that she needed to make a plan. She felt tearful at each "last" — the last soccer game, the last theater performance — and melancholy about the impending loss.
Then, says Caine, "I went into gear." She spent the time focusing on being an even better mother and enjoying her daughter's last year of high school. "That's how I mostly dealt with the beginning symptoms" of empty nest syndrome. She asked herself, “What is the best thing I can do for her and for the family before everything shifts?" and then she did what she needed to do for herself.
"I knew it was going to be a challenge. I knew I would have this joy of freedom, but also the challenge of my role would completely shift," she says. To fill the parenting void, Caine started Empty Nest Support Services to help other parents deal with empty nest syndrome by learning to embrace the new direction their lives can take.
Regardless of how much preparation you put into it, you can never truly prepare for matters of the heart. "Empty nest is a loss of who you were, and wondering who you're going to become," she says.
Empty nest syndrome can cause symptoms of depression and a loss of sense of self, but preparation can help you transition to your new parenting role. Here's how.
One day, the house is full of noise. You’re tripping over sneakers left in the middle of the living room floor or complaining for the zillionth time that the new driver in the house didn’t leave any gas in the car.And then they’re gone.
Life takes myriad twists and turns and, even when you expect them, they're not always easy to handle. Parents know their children will leave home one day, but transitioning through this stage of parenting can be difficult, no matter how proud you are that they’re all grown up or how you might be looking forward to re-focusing on your marriage.
"The second-to-last definitive phase of family development would be the empty nest," says Grattan Giesey, MSSA, a licensed social worker in the department of child and adolescent psychiatry at the Cleveland Clinic in Ohio. "It's the time at which the last child leaves the house and basically does not return."
Coping With Empty Nest Syndrome
The symptoms of empty nest syndrome are grief and loss for the parenting role, as well as for the forever-changed family dynamic.How does a parent get over the heartbreak of empty nest syndrome, with no more babies at home to care for? "It isn't so much that there is a treatment for empty nest syndrome," says Giesey. "If someone is grieving the loss of the family, it would be treated like any other grief."
Grief has the potential to turn into full-blown depression, and depression certainly requires professional help. Medication, cognitive behavioral therapy, and family therapy may help parents struggling with empty nest syndrome. Most often, says Giesey, a combination of those approaches is the most effective treatment if the symptoms are serious enough.
Creating Your New Role
Parents can take steps to avoid a full-blown case of empty nest syndrome by establishing themselves outside of their parenting roles before children go off to college or move away. Not only does this make for happier individuals, a happier marriage, and better parents, but it also helps ease the transition from children living at home to children leaving the nest.“Parents need to have social outlets, they need to have interests, they need to have their lives have meaning outside of their kids before they leave home," says Giesey. Long before they cut that final cord, your kids don't really need day-to-day-care. Start cultivating your own interests, needs, wants, and daily life outside of your kids' lives — don't wait until they’re gone. "After the fact, saying ‘what should I do?’ is a whole lot tougher to deal with," adds Giesey.
Start by making new friends or spending time with old ones you haven't seen in a while. Create a new routine — a daily exercise routine is a healthy place to start.
The Story of an Empty-Nester
Natalie Caine, 60, was in a high school orientation meeting for parents of seniors when she suddenly realized that her nest was about to be empty and there was only one short year left before her daughter would head off to college."That was the beginning," she said, realizing that she needed to make a plan. She felt tearful at each "last" — the last soccer game, the last theater performance — and melancholy about the impending loss.
Then, says Caine, "I went into gear." She spent the time focusing on being an even better mother and enjoying her daughter's last year of high school. "That's how I mostly dealt with the beginning symptoms" of empty nest syndrome. She asked herself, “What is the best thing I can do for her and for the family before everything shifts?" and then she did what she needed to do for herself.
"I knew it was going to be a challenge. I knew I would have this joy of freedom, but also the challenge of my role would completely shift," she says. To fill the parenting void, Caine started Empty Nest Support Services to help other parents deal with empty nest syndrome by learning to embrace the new direction their lives can take.
Regardless of how much preparation you put into it, you can never truly prepare for matters of the heart. "Empty nest is a loss of who you were, and wondering who you're going to become," she says.
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