Solo Masturbation in Marriage

Paul Byerly
The information here comes in part from a couple of online surveys we did. The first important question then is how accurate are those surveys, do they represent married Christians as a whole? As the surveys were not done from a randomly selected pool, and we do not have demographic information, there is no way to know. That said, our educated guess is that the results of the men’s survey do closely mirror married Christian men in their 20’s and 30’s. I say this based on how it compares with other surveys, and years of talking to men about this issue. Based on fewer female answers, and where women saw the survey link, our best guess is that the women’s survey is not representative of Christian women as whole, but rather of a fairly sex positive and sex enjoying subset. That said the women’s study still gives some interesting insight into why married women masturbate.

Please note that for these surveys the definition of masturbation was self-stimulation to orgasm while not with one’s spouse. This excludes mutual masturbation or masturbating while one’s spouse is present.

Do many married men masturbate?

Is Watching Porn Okay?

By Cory Silverberg, About.com GuideAbout.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Question: Is Watching Porn Okay?

"My boyfriend really likes to watch porn. I wouldn’t say he’s addicted or anything, and he wants us to watch together, but I’m not into it. We have a good sex life otherwise, and I want to figure out a way to make this okay, but some of my friends say that it’s not normal to watch porn when you’ve got a girlfriend, and even if it is, I don’t know how I can get into it."

Answer:
This is a very common question and concern. Let’s start by dispelling a major porn myth; there is absolutely nothing “unhealthy” or abnormal with watching porn in and of itself. As long as we’re talking about legal adult movies, and as long as everyone who is watching is consenting, there is nothing inherent in pornography that makes it bad. That doesn’t mean that people do use porn in unhealthy ways, watching too much of it or becoming obsessive about it. But people do this with drugs, work, even sports, and we don’t consider those things “evil” (well, some of us do I guess).

Washington DC Residents Watch More Porn Than Anyone Else

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Artisanal, Locally Grown, Free Range Porn for Women

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Are Moms Supposed to Want to Be MILFs Now?

Tracy Moore

Has anyone ever actually taken the term MILF seriously as a desirable thing? Given that it has its origins in teenage boy lust (American Pie) and porn*, where every possible type of sexual appeal clearly needs a convenient shorthand for ease of boner, it seems most of us have simply begrudgingly acknowledged the term's existence in the porn store aisle of life with a quick side eye, then plowed on, eyes facing forward lest we linger too long on the unsavory implications therein.

At least, that's what I thought. I mean, sure, I've seen women wearing MILF T-shirts, and I've heard men and women alike use the term without a trace of sarcasm, and I'm sure they are nice, lovely people. But people who take their pop culture cues from horny dudes are not usually the people I look to for signs of a significant linguistic shift in the culture, proof that now we have embraced the term as one of our own. That would take a lobotomy more convincing argument. But lo and behold, someone has helmed the steam locomotive of Making the Term MILF Desirable, and has done so with (allegedly) the most feminist (if not entrepreneurial) of intentions: a diet book. Fine, I'll bite:

Rereading Woman’s Erotica: Empowerment of Smut?

The search for truly enlightened erotic literature may not be a lost battle, but it certainly is a mission. With all the so-called liberation of erotica following the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon, the question is begged, is the contemporary erotica really putting women and our sexuality in a better place than the written word (and, for that matter, the pictures) in Penthouse magazine?

It would be almost sacrilege to begin a discussion of contemporary woman’s erotica without a tribute to 50 Shades. Erotic it certainly is, and obviously it speaks to women. Book sale records attest to that. But feminist it certainly is not. Empowering, I think not. This critique is not coming from a place of sanctimony; rather, from a sex education perspective because the 50 Shades commotion is taking us 40 years backwards. It undoes a generation and a half of sexual empowerment when it returns all the gender stereotypes to the heroine and gives her a multi-orgasmic Cinderella ending. As if princes, instantaneous orgasms and complete sexual compatibility come to all girl-next-door virgins on cue.

Why Do Porn Stars Have Big Penises?

They don’t have big penises because they are in porn, they are in porn because they have big penises.

Here we find the few men with penises that are off the chart. They are like the NBA stars of the world. Wishing for their sized penis is like wishing you would grow another foot to be better at basketball. Thankfully, you don’t need a 8 inch penis to be better in the love department! Sex accepts all comers!

It is accepted that pornographic and advertising images play a role in male and female self esteem – usually harming them. The fact that young men and women watch porn and then assume what they see is what they should expect to find, or expected to be, is generally harmful.

DO YOU PAY FOR PORN?

Every part of my sexual life philosophy until this point has hinged on one fundamental belief: that as a woman, getting laid will always be super easy, which means I shouldn't have to spend any time, effort or money making it happen.

Emily

So, the other day I was FINALLY trying out this Minna Ola vibe sent to me by Babeland approximately a million years ago. I know it sounds crazy, but it's hard to find the time to masturbate when you're a busy career woman who DVRs at least 10 shows.

Anyway, I was holding this purple squeezey-dobber against my clit, mentally twiddling my thumbs, when it occured to me that maybe I would have more success with vibrators if I wasn't relying on a decades-old mash-up of random sexual encounters played on a skittering loop.

Suddenly, I remembered that porn exists!

Why Porn Can Be Good For You (And Society)

Easy access to porn is blamed for everything from a decrease in male desire to poor body image in women. But are there social upsides?

  

A 2006 New York magazine story by Naomi Wolf warned that pornography is so seriously turning men off to real women that now, six years later, you’d think it’s a miracle there are any children in first grade. 

Porn has always had plenty of detractors, but since the web has brought it into our homes on demand, a multitude of 21st-century criticisms have been leveled at it. The breakup of relationships, violence, sexual pressure, body image problems for women and sexual addiction and dysfunction in men have all been blamed on the avid use of porn.
One could argue that all these things existed before search engines did; Henry VIII handily exemplified two or three. And is there no upside to having a world of human sexual wonders at your grown-up fingertips? Is the world in no way better for having a film called Bitanic? Let’s take a look past the implants and see if -- and when -- a little voyeurism is a good thing.

Why Do Women Feel Bad About Doing Things That Feel Good?

Women feel greater guilt about looking at porn than do men. Why are they primed to feel bad about pleasure?

AlterNet / By Liz Langley

The first time I rented porn alone I wasn’t really alone. There were other customers in the store, a small chain, popular in the days before Blockbuster had swallowed and sanitized most neighborhood VHS rental outlets. Back then most video stores had a back room where you could find adult films, typically separated from God’s wholesome sunlit earth by a set of white, swinging saloon doors, so that you'd feel like a big sex outlaw just by swaggering in. 

Which you never did. You skulked casually past a few times before sidling into the pervert annex and getting knocked in the face with an array of filth beyond your wildest dreams.

I was not always the only woman behind the swinging doors but I was almost always the only one who was alone.
It was a little discomfiting but it was also exciting. I was young, curious and not about to let a embarrassment stand between me titles like “The Czech is in the Male.”

Fifty Ways Porn Might Be Sneaking into Your Church

by Dannah Gresh

       Dannah Gresh shares her concern

    and wisdom to help ministry leaders

       approach "Fifty Shades of Grey" 

                with biblical savvy.

Editor's Note: The popularity of the book 
Fifty Shades of Grey is growing as more 
women (and men) pull it off the shelves 
this summer. Dannah Gresh is a sought-
after speaker and author who has 
studied sexuality in the Bible for more 
than fifteen years. In this bold article, 
Gresh shares her concern and wisdom to help ministry leaders approach the book with biblical 
savvy.

**

I’m not reading Fifty Shades
of Grey. I wasn’t planning to announce this, but I can’t help myself. I told my 
husband, Bob, that I didn’t really want to get involved. But then, I found out my girlfriend’s 70-year-old mom has her name on a long wait list at the library to borrow Fifty Shades of Grey. And then my mom told me that a relative I love and respect for her strong faith had already devoured the book. She regretfully “can’t get the images out of her head.”

So here I am. In an attempt to keep the images out of yours, I’d like to explain to you why I’m not reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

Want to Send a Nude Photo to Your Honey? Here’s the Smart (and Safe) Way to Do t!

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One More & I'll Go Insane!

The Snake Pit (1948)

That title should read "one more mention of high-drive husbands and I'll go insane!" A wife recently commented to me about her frustration that, while it's great that churches and ministries now discuss sexuality, it is painful at times for wives who don't experience the norm.

The most common scenario described here, and on other blogs, is that of the eager beaver hubby and the sexual sloth wife. To be fair, that is the typical make-up of many marriages: A husband with a higher sex drive than his wife. However, it hardly represents the whole of marriages.

Illustrating ‘The Joy Of Sex’ Involved Trickery, Porn

BY ERIN GLORIA RYAN

For many of us, The Joy of Sex was our first (usually accidental) introduction to pubes. For its publishers, it was a challenge — how do you show people how to have sex without showing actual, well, sex? Very carefully, it turns out.

The BBC reports that Penguin, the book's publisher, wanted to avoid being charged with obscenity, and thus they knew that in order to accurately depict sex in an instructive way, they had to find a way to illustrate it.

4 Sizzling Movies to Turn up the Spice

Ask your man about his idea of a hot movie to get you in the mood, and it's likely you'll get a one-word answer: porn. The notion makes many of us ladies cringe our noses, but why is that? It probably has something to do with the way we're wired. When it comes to steamy flicks to get us in the mood, having an in-depth story line definitely helps, anything to give that emotional connection. Then again, if you're looking for a film that gets both of you in the mood, you don't want anything borderline sappy chick-flick.

Does Sexy Lingerie Promote a Perverted View of Beauty?

Another Monday, another reader question. Today's topic is introduced by an anonymous reader and involves sexy lingerie. Here's his story:

J – My wife and I have been married for three years now. During that time I have given her various gifts of lingerie around holidays, birthdays, random days… I love it when my wife gets dressed up in anticipation of sex. To me, a very visual man, it’s her way of inviting me to be intimate with her, kind of my version of foreplay. Just like when I bring her flowers, prepare a romantic dinner date, spend time holding her and kissing the nape of her neck. When she gets “dressed up,” she’s telling me she’s interested in pleasing me (she knows I’m visual), wants to look her best and have me devour her with my eyes (because my eyes are only for her), she wants to seduce/pursue me (and I want to be seduced/pursued).

How Kinky Can You Get?

Today's Q&A is a grouping of three short questions, which ultimately hit at how kinky can you get in the bedroom? 

You want to do WHAT?!
photo from Microsoft
Word Clip Art

Warning: This post will not be gratuitously graphic, but I will explain some possibly uncomfortable sex acts. Just so you know.

All three questions were submitted by anonymous readers. I'll take them in turn.

1. J, do you have an advice or opinions on rim jobs? Hubby wants to give me one but I'm unsure.

Arousing Ourselves to Death

Russell Moore

The couple will typically tell me first about how stressful their lives are. Maybe he’s lost his job. Perhaps she’s working two. Maybe their children are rowdy or the house is chaotic. But usually, if we talk long enough about their fracturing marriage, there is a sense that something else is afoot. The couple will tell me about how their sex life is near extinction. The man, she’ll tell me, is an emotional wraith, dead to intimacy with his wife. The woman will be frustrated, with what seems to him to be a wild mixture of rage and humiliation. They just don’t know what’s wrong, but they know a Christian marriage isn’t supposed to feel like this.

It’s at this point that I interrupt the discussion, look at the man, and ask, “So how long has the porn been going on?” The couple will look at each other, and then look at me, with a kind of fearful incredulity that communicates the question, “How do you know?” For a few minutes, they seek to reorient themselves to this exposure, wondering, I suppose, if I’m an Old Testament prophet or a New Age psychic. But I’m not either. One doesn’t have to be to sense the spirit of this age. In our time, pornography is the destroying angel of (especially male) Eros, and it’s time the Church faced the horror of this truth.

".XXX" - The Internet's New Red Light District

Randy Hicks

(WNS) -- It’s not likely you’ve heard of the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers (ICANN), but this international organization in charge of Internet addresses has just approved a policy that will create what amounts to a red-light district online.

We’re all familiar with the top level domains like “.com”, “.edu” and “.org.” Now, after years of debate, ICANN has approved “.xxx” for porn websites.

So now, for the first time, a specific industry will have its own suffix on the Internet. In this case, it happens to be an industry that exploits women and ensnares thousands of men and even children into a harmful addiction that can ruin lives and relationships.

For starters, the new .xxx domain will significantly increase the amount of porn online since adult websites will not have to give up their current web addresses. Instead, they’ll create new websites with the new suffix, making their content more prevalent and accessible.

Breast Massage: Growing global industry?

By Mindy Allan

Is Breast Massage Simply Therapy? Or Simply Porn?

There has been an heightened interest in the benefits of having breast massages in China, as well as most of the world. With the increasing amount of information coming out about how breast massage can be a preventative in health risk in many ways for women.

Even though breast massages are on the increase in China, they are widely used around the world. The United States is one of the few countries in the world, where breast massage is illegal in most states. Canada, Europe, Asia and many other countries have been using this technique for years.

Many believe breast massage is a preventative for breast cancer, and that it detoxifies, and rejuvenates tissue. It is believed that deadly toxins toxins build up in lymph nodes that can't released and have been linked to many breast issues.