Is Achieving Orgasm as Simple as It Sounds?

  Vanessa Pinto

Would it surprise you to know that people can achieve orgasm when they are brain dead, or that you don't necessarily need genitals to orgasm? Mary Roach's TED talk, "10 Things You Didn't Know About Orgasm" isn't just an eye opener, it's also really funny. As I continue to research and interview professionals about sex, sexual response and the things our bodies are capable of, I never cease to be amazed. According to Roach, when it comes to how you achieve orgasm, the world is your oyster and the sky is the limit. Roach even discusses how one woman could think herself to orgasm.

Our school-district-approved sex-ed class in junior high never taught me about orgasm; it's usually something we discover along our own sexual journey or even completely by accident. My sex education as a student in junior high lectured me about my menstrual cycle, how one becomes pregnant with a sterile diagram of internal organs and that sexually transmitted infections were waiting to use me as a host. There was never a point where anyone taught me the how and why of how my body worked when it came to sexual pleasure or that it was even an option.

DO YOU PAY FOR PORN?

Every part of my sexual life philosophy until this point has hinged on one fundamental belief: that as a woman, getting laid will always be super easy, which means I shouldn't have to spend any time, effort or money making it happen.

Emily

So, the other day I was FINALLY trying out this Minna Ola vibe sent to me by Babeland approximately a million years ago. I know it sounds crazy, but it's hard to find the time to masturbate when you're a busy career woman who DVRs at least 10 shows.

Anyway, I was holding this purple squeezey-dobber against my clit, mentally twiddling my thumbs, when it occured to me that maybe I would have more success with vibrators if I wasn't relying on a decades-old mash-up of random sexual encounters played on a skittering loop.

Suddenly, I remembered that porn exists!

'The Joy Of Sex': The Original Hairy, Musky EditionJoy Of

Nicole Cliffe

It came! It came! The original 1972 Joy of Sex. Thank you, Mohammed from Brookline, MA. May your positive Amazon ratings never go down. (Look at all the unintentional sexual innuendo we've already covered!) I especially would like to thank Mohammed for making my back-up plan obsolete: taking my mother up on her offer to "see if she can figure out what she did with her copy."

And now that it's here, and I'm looking at it, it's a little gross. But endearingly gross. For a much better and more exhaustive look at the merits and career of Alex Comfort, M.B., Ph.D., I would refer you to Ariel Levy's delightful New Yorker piece from 2009. For a wry fictional take on what it would be like to be the children of the book's authors, you should pick up Meg Wolitzer's The Position, in which the Comforts become the Mellows, and it does not go well for them.

Sizzler #12 Female Orgasms

I was kind of disappointed on my wedding night when I discovered that having intercourse with my husband didn’t give me an orgasm. I just thought that it would, why would intercourse only let him have the orgasm and not me, that didn’t make sense. But lucky for me, I had “accidentally” figured out how to have an orgasm by myself when I was a teenager and I just had to show my husband the techniques.

A lot of women figure out how to have an orgasm through masturbation (without their husbands around) and then they teach their husbands how to do it. This is not something to be ashamed of or to avoid. If you have been married awhile and still haven’t had an orgasm, then I highly recommend you masturbate and figure it out. Orgasms are totally worth it, sex is about BOTH of you receiving immense pleasure, not just him. He is going to like the fact that you can orgasm, it will help him to not feel like a failure and it really arouses him too when you start screaming and breathing heavily.

The Pervocracy - Using my vagina.

(Yes, I have a modular hacked vibrator in my bedroom.
I don't know why you'd imagine for an instant that I wouldn't.)

I can be very good at standing back and using my body instrumentally. When I have to do something disgusting at work, I can dissociate from my hands. I can still feel them (obviously), but I don't invest any emotion in it and I don't expect to enjoy it. Washing out a wound or emptying a bedpan isn't about how my hands feel, and that's okay.

The secrets of our sexess

Here three long-term couples who HAVE made it work tell us how..

10 YEARS

'Kissing and cuddling makes us want each other more'

Therese, 45, and Andrew Sahey, 46, from Teddington, Middx have been married 10 years. Andrew is a hairdresser and Therese a childminder. Therese has two grown-up children.

Therese Says: Intimacy without sex is crucial and it's what makes our sex life so good. After you've been together a while men often stop being touchy-feely with women for anything other than sex. So when a man kisses them they think, "Oh no, here we go."

Andrew has a higher sex drive than me but he will often say: "I want us to kiss and cuddle but that's all" so I don't get jumpy and just enjoy the intimacy.

Do You Understand Female Sexual Desire?

Will women want to enhance their sexuality - just like men?

by Pamela Madsen in Shameless Woman

I have been working with a major news outlet on the issue of female sexual desire. The talking heads call this "low sexual libido" - and we have been trying to get women to step forward and talk about it. No one wants to. Not a big surprise - would you want to step forward as a person with "low sexual libido"? Geez with the men they had to switch out erectile dysfunction with "ED".

I would rather call it "Desire Untapped". Now - that is language I can wrap my libido around - because that was what I once was. A woman who didn't understand my own sexual desire. I knew that I had it - but it felt more like a simmering pot - close to boil - but not quite. And I wanted to boil - as so many of us do. I wanted to feel like those women look in "Sex in The City" - but I wasn't them. I would never be them - I was a mid life Riverdale housewife - and fertility advocate. I had to find my own way - and I did. But along the way - I learned a lot about how women tick.

THE TRUTH ABOUT VIBRATORS

Last week, I tweeted some tips for reaching orgasm more quickly for women and the brilliant Joan Price pointed out that I left vibrators off the list. Considering the fact that almost all of my clients love their battery-operated toys, it really was quite an oversight!

This omission coupled with a recent discussion I had with a passionate women’s group in Mexico prompted me to write this piece on vibrators and their role the bedroom.

When it comes to sex toys, there is a lot of misinformation out there, so I’m keen to set the record straight by addressing some of the most common vibrator myths I come across in my practice…

I'd like to introduce toys into our sex life

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