by Pamela Madsen in Shameless Woman
Once upon a time, I felt sexually discarded. I didn't feel like anyone noticed me anymore as a sexual being. I was a lot of things, a wife, mother, worker-bee, daughter, sister and general good doer! But a sexually being? A hottie? A Head turner? Not so much! And I once was! What happened?
Maybe it was the baby weight - or my life obligations, or monogamy. I didn't know - but I had stopped looking in the mirror and I didn't see myself reflected back in the eyes of men anymore. I felt like nobody saw me as a sexual being anymore - and I think that perhaps that is because I stopped seeing myself as a sexual being. The fact is that I was not unattractive. I was perhaps a little too plump by societies standards, but I was not un-kempt or unattractive. But I had lost the swing to my hips.
1. Make time for pleasure. If you don't put the oxygen mask over your face first - you can't help others. So make time for yourself. Put yourself at the top of the totem pole. It's not selfish - it is necessary.
2. Reach for some help! There are some fabulous products on the market that can give your sexuality a reboot! I love Zestra for women! It's an arousal gel. And there have been times when it has really helped me shake things up at home.
3. Be compassionate to yourself. Know that you are not alone. Other people are searching for answers too. Talk to your friends. What are they doing to help themselves recharge their batteries? You might be surprised if you open up the conversation! Sharing tips with friends will make you laugh and open your eyes to new possibilities.
4. Create intimacy with yourself. What can you do to remove the barriers to pleasure in your life? I think that learning to see ourselves with new eyes can change how the world sees us.
I believe that our sexuality is self renewing with no expiration dates. You can recharge, reboot and recycle! It's there - waiting for you.
Pamela Madsen
Pamela Madsen is an Integrative Life Coach Specializing In Women's Issues: Sexuality, Fertility, Body Image, Wellness and Rejuvenation. Pamela is also author of the best selling memoir, Shameless (Rodale, Jan 2011), and founder of The American Fertility Association.Her websites http://www.BeingShameless.com and her daily blog, thefertilityadvocate.com, is a breakfast essential for reporters, writers and policymakers.
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