Start Living the Good Life!

Whitney Hopler

Editor's Note: This article summarizes the practical applications of Philip Carlson's recent book, Love Written in Stone: Finding God’s Grace in the Boundaries He Sets, (Bethany House, 2011).

Our culture in this fallen world tries to convince you that the “good life” – the life you’ll most enjoy – comes from pursuing pleasure. But God’s biblical commands often stand in stark contrast to pursuing pleasure, so God can seem like a cosmic killjoy who wants to hinder your pursuit of the good life.

By asking you to follow His commands, God isn’t trying to prevent you from living the good life; He’s trying to prevent you from falling victim to dangers He knows can harm you. As your loving Father, God wants what’s best for you – the ultimate “good life” – and that’s only possible when you recognize the love behind His commands and start following them.

So don’t settle for anything less in your life than what’s truly best. Here’s how you can change your perspective on God’s commandments to start living the good life that God intends for you:

Penis-Snatching Panics Resurface in Africa

By Benjamin Radford, LiveScience Bad Science Columnist | LiveScience.com

In a recent issue of "Pacific Standard" magazine, Louisa Lombard, an anthropologist at the University of California at Berkeley, described visiting a small town in the Central African Republic where she encountered two men who claimed that their penises had been stolen.

It seems that the day before, a traveler visiting the town had shaken hands with a tea vendor who immediately claimed he felt a shock and sensed that his penis had shrunk. He cried out in alarm, gathering a crowd, and a second man then said it also happened to him.

This is not the setup to a joke; it is a real psychological disorder called koro in which victims (mostly men, but sometimes women) come to believe that their genitals are shrinking or retracting into the body. The concern is not only for their sexuality, but also for their lives, since they believe that the condition may be life threatening if not reversed. In order to prevent further shrinkage, victims have been known to securely tie their penises with string or metal clamps — even sometimes having family members hold it in relays until treatment can be sought, usually from shamen or traditional healers.

Is Watching Porn Okay?

By Cory Silverberg, About.com GuideAbout.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

Question: Is Watching Porn Okay?

"My boyfriend really likes to watch porn. I wouldn’t say he’s addicted or anything, and he wants us to watch together, but I’m not into it. We have a good sex life otherwise, and I want to figure out a way to make this okay, but some of my friends say that it’s not normal to watch porn when you’ve got a girlfriend, and even if it is, I don’t know how I can get into it."

Answer:
This is a very common question and concern. Let’s start by dispelling a major porn myth; there is absolutely nothing “unhealthy” or abnormal with watching porn in and of itself. As long as we’re talking about legal adult movies, and as long as everyone who is watching is consenting, there is nothing inherent in pornography that makes it bad. That doesn’t mean that people do use porn in unhealthy ways, watching too much of it or becoming obsessive about it. But people do this with drugs, work, even sports, and we don’t consider those things “evil” (well, some of us do I guess).

Feminist Pornography What Makes Pornography Feminist?

By Cory Silverberg, About.com Guide

About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board

The definitive history of feminist pornography has yet to be written. Even when it is (and I'm counting the days) hopefully it won't attempt to create a monolithic single definition of what feminist pornography is. From a sexual health perspective it's much more interesting to look at what porn that has been identified as feminist adds to our understanding of sexual expression than to argue about what does or does not qualify as feminist porn.

It’s important to distinguish the relatively new idea or production of explicitly feminist pornography from the slightly older, and much more thoroughly documented discourse of feminist responses to pornography. Feminists making pornography and calling it feminist is a very different topic than feminists talking about pornography other people have made.

Are Moms Supposed to Want to Be MILFs Now?

Tracy Moore

Has anyone ever actually taken the term MILF seriously as a desirable thing? Given that it has its origins in teenage boy lust (American Pie) and porn*, where every possible type of sexual appeal clearly needs a convenient shorthand for ease of boner, it seems most of us have simply begrudgingly acknowledged the term's existence in the porn store aisle of life with a quick side eye, then plowed on, eyes facing forward lest we linger too long on the unsavory implications therein.

At least, that's what I thought. I mean, sure, I've seen women wearing MILF T-shirts, and I've heard men and women alike use the term without a trace of sarcasm, and I'm sure they are nice, lovely people. But people who take their pop culture cues from horny dudes are not usually the people I look to for signs of a significant linguistic shift in the culture, proof that now we have embraced the term as one of our own. That would take a lobotomy more convincing argument. But lo and behold, someone has helmed the steam locomotive of Making the Term MILF Desirable, and has done so with (allegedly) the most feminist (if not entrepreneurial) of intentions: a diet book. Fine, I'll bite:

Rereading Woman’s Erotica: Empowerment of Smut?

The search for truly enlightened erotic literature may not be a lost battle, but it certainly is a mission. With all the so-called liberation of erotica following the 50 Shades of Grey phenomenon, the question is begged, is the contemporary erotica really putting women and our sexuality in a better place than the written word (and, for that matter, the pictures) in Penthouse magazine?

It would be almost sacrilege to begin a discussion of contemporary woman’s erotica without a tribute to 50 Shades. Erotic it certainly is, and obviously it speaks to women. Book sale records attest to that. But feminist it certainly is not. Empowering, I think not. This critique is not coming from a place of sanctimony; rather, from a sex education perspective because the 50 Shades commotion is taking us 40 years backwards. It undoes a generation and a half of sexual empowerment when it returns all the gender stereotypes to the heroine and gives her a multi-orgasmic Cinderella ending. As if princes, instantaneous orgasms and complete sexual compatibility come to all girl-next-door virgins on cue.

Why Is There Controversy Around Penis Length?

Ever feel like you’ve read one penis article too many? Lets talk about where men get their facts on penis length:

THEIR FRIENDS

Let's start with friends. Although they might have the best of intentions, or not, there aren’t many people with enough real knowledge on male anatomy to really give a reasonable answer over beers or while changing beside you in the locker room. They have more reasons to make up answers than expose themselves by sharing what they either really think or what length they really are when erect.

THE INTERNET

There are more lies and jokes on the internet about penises than real facts. Most of the effort is put towards fanning the misunderstanding of normal penis size. This is meant to inflame anxiety in young men, who then are vulnerable to buy the bogus products falsely claiming to be able to grow their penises. None of them work!

Fifty Ways Porn Might Be Sneaking into Your Church

by Dannah Gresh

       Dannah Gresh shares her concern

    and wisdom to help ministry leaders

       approach "Fifty Shades of Grey" 

                with biblical savvy.

Editor's Note: The popularity of the book 
Fifty Shades of Grey is growing as more 
women (and men) pull it off the shelves 
this summer. Dannah Gresh is a sought-
after speaker and author who has 
studied sexuality in the Bible for more 
than fifteen years. In this bold article, 
Gresh shares her concern and wisdom to help ministry leaders approach the book with biblical 
savvy.

**

I’m not reading Fifty Shades
of Grey. I wasn’t planning to announce this, but I can’t help myself. I told my 
husband, Bob, that I didn’t really want to get involved. But then, I found out my girlfriend’s 70-year-old mom has her name on a long wait list at the library to borrow Fifty Shades of Grey. And then my mom told me that a relative I love and respect for her strong faith had already devoured the book. She regretfully “can’t get the images out of her head.”

So here I am. In an attempt to keep the images out of yours, I’d like to explain to you why I’m not reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

Want to Send a Nude Photo to Your Honey? Here’s the Smart (and Safe) Way to Do t!

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6 Problems with Porn

Ed Stetzer

Ed Stetzer shares insights on a recent study about the impact of pornography on families and communities.

A new study done by Patrick F. Fagan examines the effects of pornography on individuals, marriage, family and community.

Fagan is Senior Fellow and Director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion at the Family Research Council. He specializes in examining the relationships among family, marriage, religion, community and America's social problems.

This study is important for everyone to read as it demonstrates it has damaging effects on individuals and families.

One More & I'll Go Insane!

The Snake Pit (1948)

That title should read "one more mention of high-drive husbands and I'll go insane!" A wife recently commented to me about her frustration that, while it's great that churches and ministries now discuss sexuality, it is painful at times for wives who don't experience the norm.

The most common scenario described here, and on other blogs, is that of the eager beaver hubby and the sexual sloth wife. To be fair, that is the typical make-up of many marriages: A husband with a higher sex drive than his wife. However, it hardly represents the whole of marriages.

How Often Should You Have Sex?

Eventually, all marriage and sexuality authors and speakers get around to this one, right? How often should a married couple make love?

The usual response from experts is something like: "It depends. Some couples are content with once a month while others desire that close contact several times a week. Whatever amount keeps you both satisfied is sufficient."

Flowers that Get You In the Mood for Love

An extravagant bouquet of your favorite blooms, hand-delivered by your honey, might indeed make your thoughts turn to love…and lovemaking. But there’s another way that blossoms can put you in the mood for romance—because flower-derived oral remedies called “essences” and topical essential oils can enhance libido naturally.

Do Priests Masturbate?

And more importantly, sin or not, does their job allow them to?
By Stacey Grenrock Woods

Giorgio Fochesato/iStock

Do priests masturbate?

Sex and Seniors: The 70-Year Itch

By Loren Stein, M.A. 

Horny old broads, dirty old men. These commonly used terms speak volumes about how society views older people who are interested in sex.

Experts say such derogatory labels reflect a deep level of discomfort in our youth-oriented culture with the idea that seniors are sexually active. Sex is identified with reproduction, youthful attractiveness, and power -- and most young and even middle-aged people do not want to confront the inevitability of growing old.

The Pervocracy - Using my vagina.

(Yes, I have a modular hacked vibrator in my bedroom.
I don't know why you'd imagine for an instant that I wouldn't.)

I can be very good at standing back and using my body instrumentally. When I have to do something disgusting at work, I can dissociate from my hands. I can still feel them (obviously), but I don't invest any emotion in it and I don't expect to enjoy it. Washing out a wound or emptying a bedpan isn't about how my hands feel, and that's okay.

A Bruised Reed He Will Not Break

Written by Paula Friedrichsen

Donned in her favorite nightgown Kimberly* slips under the covers anticipating a good night’s sleep. Patting her husband’s shoulder she says, Goodnight honey… Tentatively Ron reaches out for Kimberly and nuzzles her check giving her a tender kiss. With a familiar sick sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, Kimberly wriggles away from Ron, while feigning tiredness and a backache. Although it’s been several weeks since they’ve made love, Kimberly can’t seem to stop herself from rebuffing Ron’s sexual advances.

But it wasn’t always this way…

Your Sexual Legacy

Fathers are ultimately responsible for their sons' sexual development. It takes more than one talk--it takes honesty, courage and positive role-modeling.

Your son looks to you as a model in every area of his life. Have you ever considered whether or not you are modeling healthy sexuality for him?

I have spent countless hours counseling men whose fathers' sexual role-modeling was either absent or, worse still, destructive. The absent role model never discusses sexuality with his son. He doesn't know what to say about it, so he says nothing and hopes for the best.

This Christian role model has to be honest with other adult men about any lust issues in his life. He responsibly blocks the Internet, and he monitors TV and media intake for himself and his family. He is emotionally connected to his son enough so that they can talk about sex. This father is a good, general role model for male sexuality.

Arousing Ourselves to Death

Russell Moore

The couple will typically tell me first about how stressful their lives are. Maybe he’s lost his job. Perhaps she’s working two. Maybe their children are rowdy or the house is chaotic. But usually, if we talk long enough about their fracturing marriage, there is a sense that something else is afoot. The couple will tell me about how their sex life is near extinction. The man, she’ll tell me, is an emotional wraith, dead to intimacy with his wife. The woman will be frustrated, with what seems to him to be a wild mixture of rage and humiliation. They just don’t know what’s wrong, but they know a Christian marriage isn’t supposed to feel like this.

It’s at this point that I interrupt the discussion, look at the man, and ask, “So how long has the porn been going on?” The couple will look at each other, and then look at me, with a kind of fearful incredulity that communicates the question, “How do you know?” For a few minutes, they seek to reorient themselves to this exposure, wondering, I suppose, if I’m an Old Testament prophet or a New Age psychic. But I’m not either. One doesn’t have to be to sense the spirit of this age. In our time, pornography is the destroying angel of (especially male) Eros, and it’s time the Church faced the horror of this truth.

Internet Pornography Leading to 'Unhealthy' Attitudes about Sex

By Myles Collier , Christian Post Contributor

There is new concern among parents and researchers alike that easily accessible pornographic material available on the internet leads many kids to get the wrong idea about sex, which in turn leads they to underestimate the emotional aspects involved in mature relationships.

William Struthers, an Associate Professor of Psychology at Wheaton College, stated that adolescents in the 12- to 18-year-old range were "rampantly" searching and viewing pornography on the internet.

With the ease of internet access coupled with the simplicity granted by smartphones, more and more young adults are curiously seeking out questionable content.

"It's not a question of if my 10-year-old son is exposed. It's a matter of when," Struthers said during a discussion of pornography at Wheaton College.

Struthers explained that few decades ago, there were few options that adolescents had to view pornographic material. Now, the internet era has essentially made pornography "intrusive" in these information-abundant days.

There is also a growing trend among young adults who use email and text messaging to send and receive explicit content with little understanding of the results of such actions. Feelings seem to be changing how those individuals view the appropriateness of pornographic material.

According to Struthers, 67 percent of men and 49 percent who view pornographic material feel that it is an acceptable and normal expression for sexuality. The nature of these attitudes is allowing young adolescents to be "groomed into unhealthy attitudes to sex," he said.

These unhealthy ideas about sex puts added pressure on young people as they compare themselves with those whom they see involved in such content.

"They can see it, they know how to do it, but they don't know how to emotionally respond to the consequences of those actions," Struthers said.

Pornography is giving young people "unrealistic attitudes about sex and sexual relationships", he said, leading to girls having self-confidence and insecurities about their body as well as young men having the wrong ideas as to the role sex should play in their lives.

Struthers explained that there is a trend that is seeing young people learn sexual morality and behavior not from family members or church communities, but from watching pornography. This, in turn, leads to an accepted understanding of sex as a "physical" act, instead of an emotional and intimate one.

"Pornography is teaching them that sex is available on demand, whenever, wherever and however they want it," Struthers said.

"They are looking for intimacy and think that pornography is helping them [but it's] junk food. Sex is about connecting with others … Pornography has co-opted this," he continued.

Struthers encourages parents to be open with their children about the seriousness of sexual relationships and the commitment that is needed. He also says that parents should talk to their children in an effort to provide a level of comfort so that adolescents can talk to them should they come across explicit content.

He also recommends that parents become familiar with the technology their children are using in an effort to filter the content they are exposed to by setting internet browsers with parental restrictions.

"The effect of pornography can be counteracted when you challenge those beliefs," he said.