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You can recover from emotional cheating, but you need to take steps to change your behavior.
Has your marriage been affected by an emotional affair? Emotional affairs have become a more common issue in midlife marriage, especially as couples redefine what infidelity is in their relationship.
Definition of an Emotional Affair in Midlife
Emotional affairs, also called emotional infidelity or cheating, occur when one spouse has a deep attachment to someone else. Physical intimacy does not need to be present in order for an emotional affair to happen, but often this type of cheating does lead to a physical affair.
An emotional affair is more than just a crush or time spent flirting, although both can lead to infidelity of this type.
What's the Big Deal About Emotional Cheating?
You might ask, if there's no kissing, touching, or more, what's the big deal? Often one spouse will consider an emotional affair cheating and the other won't. It's important to get on the same page with your spouse about what the definition of cheating is for your relationship.
Emotional affairs are equally as hurtful as physical cheating, and occur at the deepest level of a relationship. While any two people can get together physically, spouses often fall in love with each other on a deep emotional level. They become best friends in many cases.
In an emotional affair, one spouse finds that deep friendship connection with someone else. It's a different kind of intimacy, and often one that is harder to reconcile and get past for the spouse who has been cheated on. Emotional affairs are hurtful because they interfere with the bond the married couple has developed.
Signs of Emotional Affairs
Affairs of this type are often started with close friends or coworkers. The signs of an emotional affair can mimic that of an physical affair, including:
- Secretive behavior, like hiding text messages or phone calls.
- Sharing of personal information, such as fights or insecurities of their spouse. Things you would normally not share with another person because you value your marriage are suddenly talked about openly with the object of your emotional affair.
- Desire to be with the other person rather than with the spouse, even during down times after work or on weekends.
- Defensive behavior when asked about making calls or spending time chatting with the other person.
Emotional affairs are awkward, muddy territory. They are often started at work or on Facebook, and as a result drastic steps may need to be taken in order for the affair to fully end. The cheating spouse may feel embarrassed about being confronted on his or her behavior, and as a result may avoid telling the other person that they can no longer text or call behind their spouse's back.
In extreme cases, some spouses have chosen to get different jobs or stay off Facebook, depending on the details of their affair and what they feel they need to do in order to stop it from happening again.
If you see yourself developing feelings for someone else, step back. Don't continue to fuel emotional intimacy and distance yourself from the person if you are able to. If you have acted inappropriately, stop your behavior (no more secretive calls or texts) and let your spouse know how you feel. Chances are they already suspect that something is wrong.
http://family.lifegoesstrong.com/article/emotional-affairs-midlife
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