10 YEARS
'Kissing and cuddling makes us want each other more'
Therese, 45, and Andrew Sahey, 46, from Teddington, Middx have been married 10 years. Andrew is a hairdresser and Therese a childminder. Therese has two grown-up children.
Therese Says: Intimacy without sex is crucial and it's what makes our sex life so good. After you've been together a while men often stop being touchy-feely with women for anything other than sex. So when a man kisses them they think, "Oh no, here we go."
Andrew has a higher sex drive than me but he will often say: "I want us to kiss and cuddle but that's all" so I don't get jumpy and just enjoy the intimacy.
Andrew is an attentive lover and always makes sure I get as much pleasure as he does. I used to have trouble climaxing during penetrative sex, so we found a product online called Zestra that heightens stimulation. We usually have sex a couple of times a week, we like to give each other massages and we also have silly names for each other and for different elements of sex.
Andrew Says: I do thoughtful things like run a bath for Therese or turn the car round so it's ready for when she goes out. She feels nurtured and when it comes to sex she's not tired and resentful towards me, but loving.
I care that she enjoys sex. It seems so many men ignore their wife's needs and many women don't tell their partner they're not having a good time.
20 YEARS
'We aren't confined to the bedroom'
Nikki and John Graham from West London have been married for 20 years. Nikki, 39, has a website business www.nookkii.com and John, 48, works in law.
Nikki Says: Sex is important to us and it always has been. We were like rabbits when we first got together 21 years ago and though it's not quite that full on now we still have sex several times a week.
We've always experimented. Using sex toys is fun. We also enjoy roleplay, not necessarily "doctor and nurse", but deciding who's going to be dominant.
For years we have done this thing where we write on a card what we want the other to do - it might start with kissing a certain way and then gets more sexual. It's a real turn-on.
We'd been together about 13 years when I realised how valuable that was. Friends' relationships were falling apart yet ours was getting stronger. So we decided to set up a couple's website called Nookii - to make the things John and I have used in our sex life available to others.
But keeping a long-term relationship alive is about more than just the actual act. We take pride in our appearance. I like nice underwear, which John enjoys. And we hold hands and kiss a lot and always celebrate our anniversary.
We spend time apart, too. There's nothing like going on a girls' night and coming home feeling really up for it.
We also send each other naughty texts and I hide sexy messages all over the house and email John details of where to find them. We try to be spontaneous and not confine sex to the bedroom.
John Says: I count my blessings that I have someone like Nikki who really enjoys sex.
But I encourage that by being romantic and never taking her for granted. Some men aren't very good at talking but that's why we've got such a solid relationship. And we've got a sense of humour.
If something doesn't work we can laugh about it.
30 YEARS+
'We still enjoy making love.. that doesn't go with age'
Lynne and George Bennett, from Bletchley, near Milton Keynes, have been married for 40 years. Lynne, 59, is an administrator and George, 65, is retired. They have a son, Hayden, 23.
Lynne Says: When we married I was only 19 and a virgin. I was absolutely terrified on our wedding night.
George, who'd had sex before, was patient and we took things slowly but I didn't enjoy the sex. I found it messy and embarrassing so after that we didn't do it very often. We were happy but something was missing.
So I knew I had to change. I learned how to give George pleasure and found out what I enjoyed in return and things have got better and better. We've never been ones for any funny business. In fact, a friend once jokingly bought me a vibrator and George went mad.
When I went through the menopause nine years ago sex became quite painful so my GP prescribed pessaries - an internal support. We sometimes use a lubricant too and now the sexual relationship between us is great again.
We used to have sex more frequently but now we only make love a couple of times a month, but that's fine.
George Says: "I've got a higher sex drive than Lynne but I'd never force that on her. It's easier for men because we can separate sex from everything else, whereas if a woman is worried about something her desire is the first thing to go. Once a man accepts that, it makes for a much better relationship.
People assume that as you get older sex isn't important. But it definitely is. I still love making love to Lynne. Having a son at home means you have to keep the noise down, though!
HOW TO MAKE THE SPARKS FLY
Sex therapist Paula Hall's five ways to spice to things up.
1. BRAINSTORM - Talk about all the possible sexual activities you could do and sort them into categories: "OK", "not OK" and "give it a go". Then try those in "give it a go".
2. BUY A SEX BOOK - Put Post-it notes on the bits that grab your fancy to show your partner.
3. BE CREATIVE WITH YOUR DIARIES - Arrange to me et at home for lunch once a week to add spontaneity.
4. BROWSE ONLINE - It's less embarrassing and you can have a giggle together looking for lingerie and toys.
5. SEX LEADS ON NATURALLY FROM SENSUAL TOUCHING - So buy a good range of massage oils, ylang ylang is good.
'We aren't confined to the bedroom'
Nikki and John Graham from West London have been married for 20 years. Nikki, 39, has a website business www.nookkii.com and John, 48, works in law.
Nikki Says: Sex is important to us and it always has been. We were like rabbits when we first got together 21 years ago and though it's not quite that full on now we still have sex several times a week.
We've always experimented. Using sex toys is fun. We also enjoy roleplay, not necessarily "doctor and nurse", but deciding who's going to be dominant.
For years we have done this thing where we write on a card what we want the other to do - it might start with kissing a certain way and then gets more sexual. It's a real turn-on.
We'd been together about 13 years when I realised how valuable that was. Friends' relationships were falling apart yet ours was getting stronger. So we decided to set up a couple's website called Nookii - to make the things John and I have used in our sex life available to others.
But keeping a long-term relationship alive is about more than just the actual act. We take pride in our appearance. I like nice underwear, which John enjoys. And we hold hands and kiss a lot and always celebrate our anniversary.
We spend time apart, too. There's nothing like going on a girls' night and coming home feeling really up for it.
We also send each other naughty texts and I hide sexy messages all over the house and email John details of where to find them. We try to be spontaneous and not confine sex to the bedroom.
John Says: I count my blessings that I have someone like Nikki who really enjoys sex.
But I encourage that by being romantic and never taking her for granted. Some men aren't very good at talking but that's why we've got such a solid relationship. And we've got a sense of humour.
If something doesn't work we can laugh about it.
30 YEARS+
'We still enjoy making love.. that doesn't go with age'
Lynne and George Bennett, from Bletchley, near Milton Keynes, have been married for 40 years. Lynne, 59, is an administrator and George, 65, is retired. They have a son, Hayden, 23.
Lynne Says: When we married I was only 19 and a virgin. I was absolutely terrified on our wedding night.
George, who'd had sex before, was patient and we took things slowly but I didn't enjoy the sex. I found it messy and embarrassing so after that we didn't do it very often. We were happy but something was missing.
So I knew I had to change. I learned how to give George pleasure and found out what I enjoyed in return and things have got better and better. We've never been ones for any funny business. In fact, a friend once jokingly bought me a vibrator and George went mad.
When I went through the menopause nine years ago sex became quite painful so my GP prescribed pessaries - an internal support. We sometimes use a lubricant too and now the sexual relationship between us is great again.
We used to have sex more frequently but now we only make love a couple of times a month, but that's fine.
George Says: "I've got a higher sex drive than Lynne but I'd never force that on her. It's easier for men because we can separate sex from everything else, whereas if a woman is worried about something her desire is the first thing to go. Once a man accepts that, it makes for a much better relationship.
People assume that as you get older sex isn't important. But it definitely is. I still love making love to Lynne. Having a son at home means you have to keep the noise down, though!
HOW TO MAKE THE SPARKS FLY
Sex therapist Paula Hall's five ways to spice to things up.
1. BRAINSTORM - Talk about all the possible sexual activities you could do and sort them into categories: "OK", "not OK" and "give it a go". Then try those in "give it a go".
2. BUY A SEX BOOK - Put Post-it notes on the bits that grab your fancy to show your partner.
3. BE CREATIVE WITH YOUR DIARIES - Arrange to me et at home for lunch once a week to add spontaneity.
4. BROWSE ONLINE - It's less embarrassing and you can have a giggle together looking for lingerie and toys.
5. SEX LEADS ON NATURALLY FROM SENSUAL TOUCHING - So buy a good range of massage oils, ylang ylang is good.
For more advice contact Relate on 0845 456 1310 or visit www.relate.org.uk
No comments:
Post a Comment