Tinnitus

I hadn’t noticed how bad the ringing in my ears had gotten over the years.

I was watching late-night TV, slumped in a comfy chair, and got a little attitude about the seemingly endless string of commercials. I cut off the ambulance chaser in mid-yap with the mute button and the room was suddenly silent. Except for the racket in my ears.
Do you have tinnitus too? Try the mute button thing and listen for it. Mine is half ringing/whining, half white noise. I hadn’t noticed how bad it had gotten over the years—too much loud music, I guess. Once I listen for it, I am amazed what obstacles other people’s speech must overcome for me to hear them. No wonder I say “Huh?” to Carol so often. She thinks I am ignoring her. Actually, I just can’t make out her message over the tinnitus.

I’ve worn glasses since fourth grade and still regularly wear reading glasses every day. Ever look closely at the grease, dust, and dirt on your lenses? That visual pollution is like spectacles tinnitus. When I am too lazy to wash the lenses, my poor eyes have to read through that distortion.

It strikes me that my own sinfulness is like tinnitus of the soul. It is constant background noise urging me to be selfish, conceited, me-oriented, vain, insecure, and irritable. No wonder I don’t always grasp what you are trying to tell me. No wonder I miss things or read my own meanings into your words. It’s hard to hear what you really mean over the hissing in my soul.

Don’t be angry with me. Just say it again louder.

http://www.timeofgraceblog.org/2013/02/04/tinnitus/