Biblical Help When Life is Unfair

Dr. Roger Barrier, Preach It, Teach It

Editor's Note: Pastor Roger Barrier's "Ask Roger" column regularly appears at Preach It, Teach It. Every week at Crosswalk, Dr. Barrier puts nearly 40 years of experience in the pastorate to work answering questions of doctrine or practice for laypeople, or giving advice on church leadership issues. Email him your questions at roger@preachitteachit.org.

(Dear Reader, the following letter was written by a woman in another country who is in the throes of an acrimonious, three-year dragged out divorce. I am choosing not to fix all the spellings and poor grammar--except for adding a few marks of punctuation where needed for clarity. I don't want to interfere with the hurt and passion in her letter).

Dear Roger,

I would like to know why in my eyes are those who are unfaithful in their marriage are more blessed then the faithful ones.

Does the Bible allow remarriage after divorce?

Mark 10:11–12

Jesus refutes the teaching that a man is “required” to dispense with his wife when he suspects unfaithfulness. Jesus finds such behavior intolerable, saying Moses did not “command” men to divorce wives; he “permitted” it because of the hardness of people’s hearts (see Mk 10:5). The springboard for right action should not be hard-heartedness, but love. Jesus says that only if a woman has done something that irreparably ruptures the marriage can such a divorce be right. But it isn’t a necessary response.

Why Beyonce Is Not A Role Model for Today's Youth

ALYSSA SHULL

 

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For many girls, the Super Bowl performances on Sunday were a celebration of femininity and girl power. Talented artists like Beyoncé Knowles, Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, Alicia Keys and Jennifer Hudson sang and danced on the media’s largest stage of the year: The Super Bowl. But imagine with me for a moment if all of this star power, talent, femininity and glamour was used to exalt the name of Jesus.

How amazing would that be?

I want to show you the difference between two performers, Jennifer Hudson and Beyoncé. They had the same audience, same platform, yet completely different showmanship and performances.

Finding the Proper Place for Sexual Fire

Aaron McCarter
aaronmccarter.com

This verse applies in so many 

ways: "Can a man carry fire 

next to his chest and his 

clothes not be burned?"

Proverbs holds a view of romance, marriage, and sex that was counter-cultural back then, and it’s counter-cultural now. In Proverbs, the highest possible value is placed on faithfulness and friendship in marriage. I’m not entirely sure those are the leading ideas in culture at large today.

The Danger Of Sexual Temptation
Keep in mind that Proverbs was written as a manual for boys, so most of the advice is directed toward men. Don’t let that throw you off though, because even though men were the audience, this stuff is universally applicable.

Fifty Ways Porn Might Be Sneaking into Your Church

by Dannah Gresh

       Dannah Gresh shares her concern

    and wisdom to help ministry leaders

       approach "Fifty Shades of Grey" 

                with biblical savvy.

Editor's Note: The popularity of the book 
Fifty Shades of Grey is growing as more 
women (and men) pull it off the shelves 
this summer. Dannah Gresh is a sought-
after speaker and author who has 
studied sexuality in the Bible for more 
than fifteen years. In this bold article, 
Gresh shares her concern and wisdom to help ministry leaders approach the book with biblical 
savvy.

**

I’m not reading Fifty Shades
of Grey. I wasn’t planning to announce this, but I can’t help myself. I told my 
husband, Bob, that I didn’t really want to get involved. But then, I found out my girlfriend’s 70-year-old mom has her name on a long wait list at the library to borrow Fifty Shades of Grey. And then my mom told me that a relative I love and respect for her strong faith had already devoured the book. She regretfully “can’t get the images out of her head.”

So here I am. In an attempt to keep the images out of yours, I’d like to explain to you why I’m not reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

The Queen James Bible and ‘Homophobic’ Interpretations

MICHAEL BROWN

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The Queen James Bible (queenjamesbible.com)

In case you haven’t heard the news, there is a new edition of the King James Bible that rewrites eight key verses that speak against homosexual practice. It’s called the Queen James Bible (I kid you not), and the editors state that, “We edited those eight verses in a way that makes homophobic interpretations impossible.”

Yes, you can now practice homosexuality and read your Bible without feeling condemned, although you still have to deal with the hundreds of verses affirming only heterosexual marriage and family (including one of the Ten Commandments that says, “Honor your father and mother” rather than, “Honor your father and father”).

It's Never Too Late For God

Written by Lisa Comes
I know a young couple who went through a really traumatic marriage tragedy. They were even Christians, active in church and the work of the ministry. But the devil began to attack their marriage. 

The husband became discouraged and drifted into sin. He slipped into worldly practices. One thing led to another. Finally, he got involved in adultery. He left home. In spite of his actions, his wife didn't want a divorce.

But he divorced her anyway. So this wife thought, "Well, I'll just go on with my life. I'll try to be happy. I'll do something for God." She was thinking about going to Bible school, traveling and doing things for the Lord. And God saw her heart.

She thought it was too late - it was all over. The devil told her there was nothing in God's Word that pertained to her situation. She didn't know where there was healing for her marriage - wrecked by divorce.

Your Salvation Is Secure

“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.” —Church marquee

“Forbidden fruit creates many jams.” —Church marquee

Hundreds of years ago, one of the great church fathers, Martin Luther, patterned his whole day around ensuring that he didn’t sin. He was terrified that if he sinned, he would lose his salvation. Every evening he’d wrack his brain, trying to remember if he did something, said something, or thought something sinful.

Have you ever done that? It’s pretty miserable just to think about, isn’t it? If you believe that by sinning you can lose your salvation, tons of questions come up. How many sins do you have to commit to get booted out of the family? Or is it qualitative? Is there a “badness scale” of sin on which we can rate ourselves? Where is murder? Rape? Suicide? Adultery? Child abuse? Lust? Stealing? What about laziness or procrastination? How do we know if something is really a sin or not?

The Scarlet Manifesto: The Rise of the Adulterous Woman

Back when I was in college, there were rules for the female students. We had to wear skirts to meals. Curfew was strict, broken under threat of expulsion -- or worse. Naturally, boys were not allowed into our rooms. These maxims were designed to "protect" us women -- we who were so easily taken advantage of, so at risk of being romantically duped -- not to mention reinforce the idea that we were expected to act in a certain way.

Which was fine. In those days, many girls, and their parents, thought of college as a means to a husband. (So many of my contemporaries who achieved that end are now divorced, some more than once.) Now, although finding a mate at college is still common -- and there are certainly Ivy League graduates who decide to make their lives as mothers and homemakers -- it's no longer what secondary education is about. Away at college, young people live in dorms in which male and female students share common areas, bathrooms, and even, at times, sleeping rooms. Sex is not necessarily part of the equation. And when it is? Well, we are, after all, talking about adults. But the bigger shift is one of perception: If there is any sort of expectation of "propriety," it is imposed on the guys as much as on the girls.

A Letter To My Friend Whose Husband Is Cheating

Dear Charm,

I don’t know if you are a Christian, so I don’t think you will understand my perspective, but I thought you might appreciate it anyway because I know you are lost and hurting and you have a big decision to make and your mind is overwhelmed from shock and denial now. Let me just say, that you don’t have to make a decision at all right away, this is huge and it will effect so many people, you have the right to take as long as you want to make this decision, there is no rush, you can even take a year or two to make it if you want. For now, I advise you to wait and don’t decide. The main reason I’m saying that is because your brain is not working correctly, it is under a lot of stress, grief and shock and that is not the best situation to make a decision like divorce.

Five tests to determine if your partner will cheat

Predict your man's tendencies

by Paul J. Zak in The Moral Molecule

In my last post I discussed how the interaction of three hormones, oxytocin, arginine vasopressin, and testosterone create a chemical soup that can lead men to stray. I presented evidence that though the male brain is made to bond with a mate and raise children, the male genitalia suggest a high degree of sexual infidelity in our lineage. Many social, religious and philosophical traditional prohibit adultery because they seem to have implicitly understood that having sex, which releases the bonding hormone oxytocin, can cause us want to be with a sexual partner more and more, leading to family disharmony.

How Often Should You Have Sex?

Eventually, all marriage and sexuality authors and speakers get around to this one, right? How often should a married couple make love?

The usual response from experts is something like: "It depends. Some couples are content with once a month while others desire that close contact several times a week. Whatever amount keeps you both satisfied is sufficient."

My husband cheated on me...he used a condom, but am I still at risk for STDs?

Q: My husband cheated on me...he used a condom, but am I still at risk for STDs?My husband just admitted that he cheated on me a few years ago. I know that after he did, I got some type of infection that the doctor cleared up with medication. He said he used a condom with the other woman. Could he have transmitted an STD from her to me even though he used a condom with her? Second, I might leave him...how long should I wait before having sex with someone new?

A Secret Shame

DOUGLAS WEISS, PH.D. 

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(© J0sefino/StockFreeImages.com)

Many men struggle with sex addictions. But in the United States today, a growing number of women also are falling prey to pornography and perversion.

Marsha is a 32-year-old woman who appears to have a perfect life. She is the attractive, healthy wife of a successful doctor in town and the mother of a terrific little boy. She began our first counseling session by saying, "I have everything going for me, but I have a problem I am so ashamed of that I can hardly tell you."

Satan's Discouragement

Some time ago I heard a story about Satan's garage sale. On display stood many large, shiny, complicated tools. Each was labeled with a tag such as: MURDER, ADULTERY, HATE, STRIFE, etc. 


Yet in one corner sat a tiny, dull, simple tool with a very high price attached. When asked why that worn out tool was so expensive, Satan replied smugly, "That one is called DISCOURAGEMENT. I can use that one on everybody."

The Apostle Paul said in 2 Corinthians 4:8-10, "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we are perplexed, but not in dispair; persecuted, but not forsaken; cast down, but not destroyed;" 


In other words discouragement may creep in occasionally but it need not be permanent nor overpowering. So long as we keep our focus on our Source Jesus Christ and continue to get up each and every time we are knocked down.

Have you ever been discouraged? 

True Love

 "Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned." (Song of Solomon 8:7)

The Song of Solomon, as part of God's inspired Word, is much more than an ancient erotic poem, as some have interpreted it. Solomon was given great wisdom by God, so that he "spake three thousand proverbs; and his songs were a thousand and five" (1 Kings 4:32). Of these latter, he apparently considered this to be his masterpiece, his "song of songs" (Song 1:1). It can best be understood as a pure love song describing the courtship and marriage of Solomon and his first bride, long before he later married "many strange |that is, 'foreign'| women" (1 Kings 11:1), who "turned away his heart after other gods" (1 Kings 11:4).

Black Christians in an 'Adulterous' Relationship With Obama, Says Evangelical Pastor

By Paul Stanley , Christian Post Reporter

An influential African-American evangelical pastor says that many black Christians are in an "adulterous" relationship with President Obama over the issue of same-sex marriage and that if the issue is not addressed soon, it will negatively impact the president's desire for a second term in November.

(Photo: The Christian Post/ Stephanie Samuel)

Bishop Harry Jackson Jr. and other community group leaders gathered in WAshington, D.C. Wednesdrday to announce the launch of the grassroots group, E Plubribus Unum. The group plans to rally minorities around conservative ideas during the 2012 election season.

In an interview with The Christian Post, Bishop Harry Jackson, Jr., who is the senior pastor of Hope Christian Church in Baltimore, Md., and one of the nation's most outspoken black pastors, maintains that Obama has drawn a hard line on major theological issues such as same-sex marriage and expects black Christians to compromise their beliefs.

When We Miss the Target

Max Lucado

Do you deal with undeserved feelings of guilt? We are here to pray with you.

Read the first verse of Matthew’s gospel. Jesus knew David’s ways. He witnessed the adultery, winced at the murders, and grieved at the dishonesty. But David’s failures didn’t change Jesus’ relation to David. The initial verse of the first chapter of the first gospel calls Christ “the son of David” (Matt. 1:1 KJV). The title contains no disclaimers, explanations, or asterisks. I’d have added a footnote: “This connection in no way offers tacit approval to David’s behavior.” No such words appear. David blew it. Jesus knew it. But he claimed David anyway.

He did for David what my father did for my brother and me.

Back in our elementary school days, my brother received a BB gun for Christmas. We immediately set up a firing range in the backyard and spent the afternoon shooting at an archery target. Growing bored with the ease of hitting the circle, my brother sent me to fetch a hand mirror. He placed the gun backward on his shoulder, spotted the archery bull’s-eye in the mirror, and did his best Buffalo Bill imitation. But he missed the target. He also missed the storehouse behind the target and the fence behind the storehouse. We had no idea where the BB pellet flew. Our neighbor across the alley knew, however. He soon appeared at the back fence, asking who had shot the BB gun and who was going to pay for his sliding-glass door.

HOW TO MOVE GOD'S HEART

Hank Kunneman 


One the greatest sins in the church is not necessarily gossip, strife, addictions, adultery, or fornication—even though all these things are sin. What I believe is the greatest sin today, especially in America, is the sin of prayerlessness or leaving God alone. 

We can easily become caught in the trap where our only consistent time of prayer is offered before each meal and that’s about it. You know what I mean by the meal prayers, don’t you? “God is good; God is great. I’m so hungry I could eat this plate.” I’ve been so hungry before that sometimes I have felt like eating the plate.

7 Things to Remember About Sex

Your spouse approaches intimacy much differently than you.


by Bob Lepine


It’s no surprise that many husbands and wives think differently about sex. And these differences can easily become a source of conflict in marriage.

With that in mind, I want to suggest seven things men need to remember about sex and seven things wives need to keep in mind as well:

What husbands should remember about sex

1. Hollywood sex is made up. It’s a fantasy. The people in romantic scenes in movies are actors. Don’t try to measure your marital sex against what you see in a romantic film.

2. Sex is probably (but not necessarily) a lower priority for your wife than it is for you. Are you as committed to meeting her needs and desires as you’d like her to be with your desire for sex? Could you even name her top three relationship needs? Here is one of them ...

3. Your wife needs a safe and secure relationship. In order for her to engage in sex with heart and mind and body, she needs to know that you will be there for her, that you are committed to her, and that she is your one and only.