It is undeniable that a multitude of scriptures condemn sexual immorality and impurity. One of them is 1 Corinthians 6:18: "Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body." Other verses are: 1 Corinthians 6:9,13; 10:8; Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5 and 1 Thessalonians 4:3. What we see in these scriptures is that God considers sex outside of marriage sexual immorality and that He has reserved sex for heterosexual couples; and not just for procreation purposes, but also for pleasure.
Additionally, there is a growing body of evidence that demonstrates that sex is good for our mental, emotional, and physical health. It boosts our immune system, strengthens our heart and acts as a pain reliever. Recently researchers have even found out that sex helps lower the negative effects of stress, and that regular lovemaking can increase a person’s lifespan. So, if sex is so good for us, why does God forbid it before marriage? In other words, can sex outside of marriage be a curse for us and marital sex a blessing?
→ Pre-marital sex What are the consequences of pre-marital sex? I believe that no one knows for sure what all of the negative consequences of pre-marital sex are. However, we can be certain of a few:
1) Pre-marital sex will lower our self-esteem Every time we give ourselves to someone, we are vulnerable and can be hurt. Whether we are conscious of it or not, a break-up leaves each partner with lasting and often profound emotional scars. Many people carry these scars from one relationship to the next, and end up feeling insecure about themselves or their ability to retain their partners.
Low self-esteem, in turn, makes people vulnerable to all sorts of negative influences: Satan can then easily tempt people to drink alcohol or take drugs in order to forget their scars and enjoy sex. And to some extent he is right, great sex can be achieved when we are under the influence of alcohol or some other drug. However, what Satan is not telling people is that it is not the destination that counts (great sex), but how we arrive there. In this way, he deprives people of true love and leads them to adopt new destructive habits (such as drinking, taking drugs, having multiple partners, cheating, lying, etc.) in order to satisfy momentarily their sexual desires or needs for intimacy. In the process, they give up more precious things, such as peace, joy, and real love. The result of these destructive habits is an even lower self-esteem. People then enter into a self-reinforcing negative downward spiral that they find impossible to extract themselves from without Jesus on their side.
2) Pre-marital sex will make us prone to sexual infidelity Pre-marital sex makes people believe that sex is something to be taken lightly, which will make them more prone to sexual infidelity once they are married. New studies suggest that the more sexual partners a woman has, the less she will able to bond with a particular person due to the lower levels of oxytocin that she has compared to women who mate with one partner only.
Oxytocin is a mammalian hormone that is released during pregnancy, breast-feeding and sexual arousal. One of its main functions is to facilitate pair bonding. Doctors say that it is released into a woman’s brain during sexual activity and that it is critical for forming a monogamous pair bond with her sexual partner. Based on their research, they affirm that an oxytocin deficiency helps explain why women who have had multiple sexual partners before they got married find it harder than others to remain faithful to their husband.
What researchers are starting to discover now is that another hormone (vasopressin) is probably playing a similar pair bonding role in males. Well, although we did not know these medical truths before, God did. This is why He proscribed pre-marital sex to us, not to deprive us of pleasure, but to maximize our pleasure with the partner that we will ultimately marry with. I am amazed that the more science advances, the more we discover the incredible wisdom contained in God’s Word! When science advances on real facts rather than assumptions, it never contradicts the truths contained in the Bible!
3) Pre-marital sex will make it harder for spouses to have a successful marriage. The world would like us to believe that the more experienced we are sexually, the longer our marriage will last. But the exact opposite is true! Statistics, published, for example, in the journal of “Marriage and Family” of the US National Council on Family Relations, show us that the more the partners engaged in premarital sex and had a multitude of partners before marrying, the higher the probability that they will divorce.
Do you know that most people need to imagine making love to someone other than their partner in order to have fulfilling sexual intercourse and reach orgasm? We may think that this is just a harmless practice to "spice up" the sex, but this is actually very destructive. What we are in essence doing is committing adultery with our thoughts, and as such it is a sin and if it is a sin, it means it is automatically harmful to us. How, you may ask?
From firsthand experience I can testify that this prevents one from tightening the bond with one's spouse. After all, it is far easier to get excited about someone who we imagine is "perfect" or who we don't know enough to see his/her imperfections. Being able to give oneself completely to the other person while having full knowledge that the recipient of our love and passion is the spouse whose faults we know all too well, the spouse that perhaps disappointed us the day before, the spouse who is depressed at the moment and not very loveable at all, allows us to reach a level of intimacy and love that is very deep. We are allowing God to accomplish what His will for marriage is: "for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) And this means not just one body, but one mind and one spirit. This is intimacy and bonding at such a deep level that makes us blissfully happy.
Pre-marital sex also encourages people to compare their current spouse to their past partners. It is very easy and tempting for us to say that one of our previous partners was more romantic, loving, affectionate, intimate, attentive, unselfish, or generous than our current spouse. And what do you think will come out of such comparison? Nothing positive. One will feel short-changed and the other one frustrated, resentful, unappreciated and not unconditionally loved. This will make him (her) feel insecure about himself (herself) or the relationship. He (she) may then seek to earn the love of the other one, thereby espousing very destructive habits and exposing him (her) to catching the D-syndrome.
The relationship between the spouses can quickly deteriorate if one starts to compare the sexual performance or attributes of his (her) current partner to someone from his (her) past. Ultimately, it will destroy the quality of their relationship and often lead to a divorce. In God’s eyes, a marriage should not be based on sex - no matter how great it is - but solely on true love.
1) Pre-marital sex will lower our self-esteem Every time we give ourselves to someone, we are vulnerable and can be hurt. Whether we are conscious of it or not, a break-up leaves each partner with lasting and often profound emotional scars. Many people carry these scars from one relationship to the next, and end up feeling insecure about themselves or their ability to retain their partners.
Low self-esteem, in turn, makes people vulnerable to all sorts of negative influences: Satan can then easily tempt people to drink alcohol or take drugs in order to forget their scars and enjoy sex. And to some extent he is right, great sex can be achieved when we are under the influence of alcohol or some other drug. However, what Satan is not telling people is that it is not the destination that counts (great sex), but how we arrive there. In this way, he deprives people of true love and leads them to adopt new destructive habits (such as drinking, taking drugs, having multiple partners, cheating, lying, etc.) in order to satisfy momentarily their sexual desires or needs for intimacy. In the process, they give up more precious things, such as peace, joy, and real love. The result of these destructive habits is an even lower self-esteem. People then enter into a self-reinforcing negative downward spiral that they find impossible to extract themselves from without Jesus on their side.
2) Pre-marital sex will make us prone to sexual infidelity Pre-marital sex makes people believe that sex is something to be taken lightly, which will make them more prone to sexual infidelity once they are married. New studies suggest that the more sexual partners a woman has, the less she will able to bond with a particular person due to the lower levels of oxytocin that she has compared to women who mate with one partner only.
Oxytocin is a mammalian hormone that is released during pregnancy, breast-feeding and sexual arousal. One of its main functions is to facilitate pair bonding. Doctors say that it is released into a woman’s brain during sexual activity and that it is critical for forming a monogamous pair bond with her sexual partner. Based on their research, they affirm that an oxytocin deficiency helps explain why women who have had multiple sexual partners before they got married find it harder than others to remain faithful to their husband.
What researchers are starting to discover now is that another hormone (vasopressin) is probably playing a similar pair bonding role in males. Well, although we did not know these medical truths before, God did. This is why He proscribed pre-marital sex to us, not to deprive us of pleasure, but to maximize our pleasure with the partner that we will ultimately marry with. I am amazed that the more science advances, the more we discover the incredible wisdom contained in God’s Word! When science advances on real facts rather than assumptions, it never contradicts the truths contained in the Bible!
3) Pre-marital sex will make it harder for spouses to have a successful marriage. The world would like us to believe that the more experienced we are sexually, the longer our marriage will last. But the exact opposite is true! Statistics, published, for example, in the journal of “Marriage and Family” of the US National Council on Family Relations, show us that the more the partners engaged in premarital sex and had a multitude of partners before marrying, the higher the probability that they will divorce.
Do you know that most people need to imagine making love to someone other than their partner in order to have fulfilling sexual intercourse and reach orgasm? We may think that this is just a harmless practice to "spice up" the sex, but this is actually very destructive. What we are in essence doing is committing adultery with our thoughts, and as such it is a sin and if it is a sin, it means it is automatically harmful to us. How, you may ask?
From firsthand experience I can testify that this prevents one from tightening the bond with one's spouse. After all, it is far easier to get excited about someone who we imagine is "perfect" or who we don't know enough to see his/her imperfections. Being able to give oneself completely to the other person while having full knowledge that the recipient of our love and passion is the spouse whose faults we know all too well, the spouse that perhaps disappointed us the day before, the spouse who is depressed at the moment and not very loveable at all, allows us to reach a level of intimacy and love that is very deep. We are allowing God to accomplish what His will for marriage is: "for this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) And this means not just one body, but one mind and one spirit. This is intimacy and bonding at such a deep level that makes us blissfully happy.
Pre-marital sex also encourages people to compare their current spouse to their past partners. It is very easy and tempting for us to say that one of our previous partners was more romantic, loving, affectionate, intimate, attentive, unselfish, or generous than our current spouse. And what do you think will come out of such comparison? Nothing positive. One will feel short-changed and the other one frustrated, resentful, unappreciated and not unconditionally loved. This will make him (her) feel insecure about himself (herself) or the relationship. He (she) may then seek to earn the love of the other one, thereby espousing very destructive habits and exposing him (her) to catching the D-syndrome.
4) Pre-marital sex often sets the stage for future sexual problems. How many married women cannot climax because of an early sexual encounter that left them feeling bad about sex? Millions. As they couldn’t experience an orgasm with their first few sexual partners, they started to fake it in order to show that they were “normal.” And the more they practice this lie, the less they are usually able to reach an orgasm. Worse: it makes them feel very bad about themselves and highly vulnerable to the attacks of Satan who can now destroy their life completely through this little “crack” in their mind and heart.
→ Sex within marriage Sex within marriage is so right and blessed, that psychologists and sex therapists increasingly agree that the height of sexual pleasure is usually attained only after ten to twenty years of marriage. Do you know why this holds true? Because sex starts first in the head, and not in the heart. Great sex requires trust; e.g. trust in one’s ability to please the other one, the trust that our partner really cares about us and is committed to us, the trust that we can truly be ourselves with our partner, that his or her love is enduring.
It takes time to develop that kind of trust. Such trust evolves out of surmounting obstacles together, out of being able to forgive one another over and over again, out of getting to know what makes the other person happy or otherwise; but especially out of knowing that our spouse loves us unconditionally and will always be there for us. This makes us free to experiment, to reveal our desires, to express ourselves, to be authentic, and to be intimate - i.e. to love without limits.
A lot of people think that sex is for procreation purposes only, or that sex is a taboo subject for God. But nothing could be further from the truth: God created sex for pleasure too. If you have some trouble believing that, then I invite you to read the Song of Songs, a book that describes the feelings of longing, oneness, and pleasure that invade a husband and a wife before, during, and after sex.
→ Conclusion Sex without trust, real intimacy, unconditional love, and unbreakable commitment is the worst sex that we can ever enjoy. This is why God is so much against it! He wants us to experience the best sex, not the worst. God is on our side and wants us to enjoy complete freedom. He really has our best interest in mind and since He created us, He knows better than us what is good for us. His prescriptions and commands exist to help us unlock our full potential, to live life to the full, to enjoy great sex, not to imprison us, not to deprive us of pleasures. Can we quickly heal premarital scars? No. It takes years to do so. In the meantime, our ability to enjoy great sex without taking addictive products or espousing harmful habits is terribly diminished. Yes, the recovery will happen faster if we are in Christ, but our marriage will go through unnecessary pains if we involved ourselves in pre-marital sex.
Premarital sex cannot give you true love. Do not sell yourself cheap. Go for the best sex. Do not conform to this world in which people are longing for true love but searching for it in the wrong places, with the wrong people. There is only one loser at this game: YOU. Make no mistakes, every time we lay with someone, our spirit is infected by his or her spirit. So, if our sexual partner is not a Christian, we are letting the spirit of the Devil enter into our life. Do you really think that this is harmless and that it will not affect you?
It takes time to develop that kind of trust. Such trust evolves out of surmounting obstacles together, out of being able to forgive one another over and over again, out of getting to know what makes the other person happy or otherwise; but especially out of knowing that our spouse loves us unconditionally and will always be there for us. This makes us free to experiment, to reveal our desires, to express ourselves, to be authentic, and to be intimate - i.e. to love without limits.
A lot of people think that sex is for procreation purposes only, or that sex is a taboo subject for God. But nothing could be further from the truth: God created sex for pleasure too. If you have some trouble believing that, then I invite you to read the Song of Songs, a book that describes the feelings of longing, oneness, and pleasure that invade a husband and a wife before, during, and after sex.
→ Conclusion Sex without trust, real intimacy, unconditional love, and unbreakable commitment is the worst sex that we can ever enjoy. This is why God is so much against it! He wants us to experience the best sex, not the worst. God is on our side and wants us to enjoy complete freedom. He really has our best interest in mind and since He created us, He knows better than us what is good for us. His prescriptions and commands exist to help us unlock our full potential, to live life to the full, to enjoy great sex, not to imprison us, not to deprive us of pleasures. Can we quickly heal premarital scars? No. It takes years to do so. In the meantime, our ability to enjoy great sex without taking addictive products or espousing harmful habits is terribly diminished. Yes, the recovery will happen faster if we are in Christ, but our marriage will go through unnecessary pains if we involved ourselves in pre-marital sex.
Premarital sex cannot give you true love. Do not sell yourself cheap. Go for the best sex. Do not conform to this world in which people are longing for true love but searching for it in the wrong places, with the wrong people. There is only one loser at this game: YOU. Make no mistakes, every time we lay with someone, our spirit is infected by his or her spirit. So, if our sexual partner is not a Christian, we are letting the spirit of the Devil enter into our life. Do you really think that this is harmless and that it will not affect you?
Serge Roux-Levrat is the Principal Ambassador of SRL Ministries and the author of numerous books and ebooks such as Make Your Life Worth Living and How To Enjoy An Abundant Health.
Serge stayed seven years in what he calls God's detoxification clinic. During this time he studied and meditated extensively upon the Word of God, renewed his mind, received many revelations from the Holy Spirit, developed many spiritual gifts, taught Bible-Study classes in a large Christian Church and successfully passed key tests that God had asked him to take. More importantly, he learned to trust and to depend solely on God.
He is married since 1995 to Barbara, and they are the parents of two children.
http://www.srlministries.org/index.php/blog/postname/55
http://www.srlministries.org/index.php/blog/postname/55
No comments:
Post a Comment