2) Make sure your equipment is suitable. The proper condition for dick photos is clean and dry (seriously, ewww), fully erect, and with well-groomed pubes. If it can stay fully erect without you death-gripping it around the base, so much the better.
(I admit here I don't know exactly how these things work. Is it uncomfortable to let an erect dick flop around freely? Or is the grip necessary to keep it at full hardness? Or does the grip just keep it pointed at a more impressive angle?)
3) Make sure your other equipment is suitable. Take your dick pics with a real camera; a low-end cellphone photo or webcam stillshot always has that "surveillance footage" look to it, especially in low light. Even with a proper camera, all photos look creepy when there isn't enough light (and flash makes skin look unappealingly flat and pallid), so try to get it in as much light as possible. Natural light is really nice if you have a way to get it without scandalizing the neighbors.
4) Use a self-timer or a (clean!) mirror. The top-down perspective never flatters, and frankly, women aren't used to seeing dicks from that angle.
5) Put the penis in context. In my experience, the more of your body in the shot, the better--even if you don't have an amazing body, seeing a naked man is more fun than seeing a free-floating cock in space. Whether you're comfortable putting your face in the photo is up to you, but cropping out everything but genitals is going way too far unless you have a very distinctive lower-stomach tattoo.
6) Don't forget the background. Make sure there isn't weird clutter in the shot that makes you look like a slob or reminds the viewer of an unsexy part of your life. And remember that photos taken while you're in the computer chair, then uploaded onto that selfsame computer, tend to imply that maybe you never get up. Your bed generally makes a nice suggestive setting, if it's tidy.
7) If your camera takes enormous photos, scale it down to something moderate in size so it doesn't display on her monitor as MONITOR FULL OF COCK WHAM. This also hides minor imperfections. And while you've got it in the image-editing program, you might try to get the skin tones to resemble skin--dicks seem prone to photographing in horrible colors like "fishbelly yellow-white" and "roast beef gray-brown," and that's never pretty.
8) Look at the photo you've just taken. Think, seriously, if you were a woman, would you want to see this? Seriously. You can always back out now and tell her about your personality instead.
Posted by Cliff Pervocracyhttp://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2010/04/gentlemans-guide-to-sending-dick.html
Why Penis Pictures Aren’t Pretty
Open letter to guys: Stop sending us below-the-belt shots!
Sexting (dirty talk from the safety of our cell phone) can really reach out and touch someone.
While women and men both seem to enjoy typing a little naughty back-and-forth filled with sexual fantasy, things seem to get too real for us gals when a guy flashes a camera where the sun don’t shine, and then texts the photo on over.
If you’re a star athlete like Brett Favre, a politician like the aptly named Anthony Weiner or a just a guy with a smart phone, the reaction to private parts going public has made it clear—women don’t find penis photos sexy, no matter how jaw-droppingly impressive the man or member in question might be.It's proven by science: While guys seem to be able to ogle pictures of lady-bits all day long, we women require more to put us in the mood. In the famous sexuality study known as “The Bonobo Study,” both heterosexual and homosexual women and men were shown various forms of nude videos, from non-sexual exercises done in the buff to same-sex intercourse to even, you guessed it, Bonobo chimpanzees mating. And surprisingly enough, whether it was our hairy cousins or humans, the study concluded that, “Women respond primarily to the sexual activities performed by actors, whereas men respond primarily to the gender of the actors.”
So, although we’ve learned why a trip to Monkey Jungle makes for a great date, we have to wonder: Why is there such a disconnect in what turns the sexes on?
Men seem to think it is a question of aesthetics. Jason*, 30, jokes that his private part “looks like a half eaten creamsicle that fell in the sand.” As hilarious as that self-deprecating admission is, no matter how attractive or ugly a guy thinks his penis is, looks do not actually appear to be at the root of why private part pics don’t do the trick for women.
For Julia*, 34, showing off the family jewels makes her question the integrity of the man it is attached to. “My early experiences with seeing penises were either nudist hippies or worrying about creepy pedophile flashers in the park. So, when faced with a disembodied peen [in a cell phone photo], my first instinct is not to think it’s some bed-ready stud.”And that line of reasoning, as Dr. J. Michael Bailey from the Department Of Psychology at Northwestern University believes, all boils down to what ladies are looking for in a mate. “Women do not appear to have evolved to be easily aroused by naked men or their penises, or simply by the sexual interest of random men. [Evolutionarily speaking] that would lead to unwise sexual decisions and bad consequences such as getting pregnant by a man without any intention of investing,” he argues.
While we all agree that modern women aren’t having sex just to get a baby out of it, still, from an evolutionary standpoint, females are looking for more than just a nice package in his pants, we’re looking for a package deal.
How a man presents himself is key and as the ZZ Top can tell you: “Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man.” Sexpert Mary Jo Rapini, LPC, MEd, is quick to point out in her article “Women Need Time To Get Their Sexy On” that, “Women need different stimuli to turn them on than men. We don’t get excited when we see a naked man. In fact, most women prefer a man with shorts on to a man in the buff. If he puts a suit on and parades around the house, even better.”
With us ladies, it seems the more left up to the imagination, the better.We asked a panel of women to dish what “porn” has turned them on and we found a common theme: men in sensitive, domestic settings are simply irresistible. Bianca*, 31, shared, “My fiancé sometimes texts me pictures of him holding cute animals, because he knows that's how to really kill me.” Christina*, 28, divulged, “the hottest photo my boyfriend has ever sent me was of him reading a book I had leant him on the sofa, shirtless.” Or as Sara*, a 42-year-old mother responded, “The sexiest photo would be a pile of folded laundry.” Swoon!
Of course that doesn't mean that a good ol' fashioned porno won't get the ladies going. It's just that, well, most gals find the typical mega-thrusty, zoomed-in-on-body-parts (read: created for men) porn to be the opposite of sexy. The research shows that women respond (and respond they do!) to female-oriented porn that is story-focused and uses camera shots that are zoomed out to show the couple's full bodies.
So, gentlemen, the lesson here seems to be whether you want to make DIY porn for your special lady or not, you have to keep it in your pants until someone else is there to unbutton them for you. You get extra brownie points if you can snag an adorable kitten, rock a well-tailored pair of pants, enjoy fine literature or do some chores to put your main squeeze in the mood for love.
*names have been changed
 |
While women and men both seem to enjoy typing a little naughty back-and-forth filled with sexual fantasy, things seem to get too real for us gals when a guy flashes a camera where the sun don’t shine, and then texts the photo on over.
If you’re a star athlete like Brett Favre, a politician like the aptly named Anthony Weiner or a just a guy with a smart phone, the reaction to private parts going public has made it clear—women don’t find penis photos sexy, no matter how jaw-droppingly impressive the man or member in question might be.It's proven by science: While guys seem to be able to ogle pictures of lady-bits all day long, we women require more to put us in the mood. In the famous sexuality study known as “The Bonobo Study,” both heterosexual and homosexual women and men were shown various forms of nude videos, from non-sexual exercises done in the buff to same-sex intercourse to even, you guessed it, Bonobo chimpanzees mating. And surprisingly enough, whether it was our hairy cousins or humans, the study concluded that, “Women respond primarily to the sexual activities performed by actors, whereas men respond primarily to the gender of the actors.”
So, although we’ve learned why a trip to Monkey Jungle makes for a great date, we have to wonder: Why is there such a disconnect in what turns the sexes on?
Men seem to think it is a question of aesthetics. Jason*, 30, jokes that his private part “looks like a half eaten creamsicle that fell in the sand.” As hilarious as that self-deprecating admission is, no matter how attractive or ugly a guy thinks his penis is, looks do not actually appear to be at the root of why private part pics don’t do the trick for women.
For Julia*, 34, showing off the family jewels makes her question the integrity of the man it is attached to. “My early experiences with seeing penises were either nudist hippies or worrying about creepy pedophile flashers in the park. So, when faced with a disembodied peen [in a cell phone photo], my first instinct is not to think it’s some bed-ready stud.”And that line of reasoning, as Dr. J. Michael Bailey from the Department Of Psychology at Northwestern University believes, all boils down to what ladies are looking for in a mate. “Women do not appear to have evolved to be easily aroused by naked men or their penises, or simply by the sexual interest of random men. [Evolutionarily speaking] that would lead to unwise sexual decisions and bad consequences such as getting pregnant by a man without any intention of investing,” he argues.
While we all agree that modern women aren’t having sex just to get a baby out of it, still, from an evolutionary standpoint, females are looking for more than just a nice package in his pants, we’re looking for a package deal.
How a man presents himself is key and as the ZZ Top can tell you: “Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man.” Sexpert Mary Jo Rapini, LPC, MEd, is quick to point out in her article “Women Need Time To Get Their Sexy On” that, “Women need different stimuli to turn them on than men. We don’t get excited when we see a naked man. In fact, most women prefer a man with shorts on to a man in the buff. If he puts a suit on and parades around the house, even better.”
With us ladies, it seems the more left up to the imagination, the better.We asked a panel of women to dish what “porn” has turned them on and we found a common theme: men in sensitive, domestic settings are simply irresistible. Bianca*, 31, shared, “My fiancé sometimes texts me pictures of him holding cute animals, because he knows that's how to really kill me.” Christina*, 28, divulged, “the hottest photo my boyfriend has ever sent me was of him reading a book I had leant him on the sofa, shirtless.” Or as Sara*, a 42-year-old mother responded, “The sexiest photo would be a pile of folded laundry.” Swoon!
Of course that doesn't mean that a good ol' fashioned porno won't get the ladies going. It's just that, well, most gals find the typical mega-thrusty, zoomed-in-on-body-parts (read: created for men) porn to be the opposite of sexy. The research shows that women respond (and respond they do!) to female-oriented porn that is story-focused and uses camera shots that are zoomed out to show the couple's full bodies.
So, gentlemen, the lesson here seems to be whether you want to make DIY porn for your special lady or not, you have to keep it in your pants until someone else is there to unbutton them for you. You get extra brownie points if you can snag an adorable kitten, rock a well-tailored pair of pants, enjoy fine literature or do some chores to put your main squeeze in the mood for love.
*names have been changed
No comments:
Post a Comment