Stop Having Sex? I Did It -- For A Year

Audrey Bellis

Owner, The Bella Bambino

I gave up sex and dating. I gave it up just like I would give up chocolate for Lent. It was a very deliberate and conscious choice.

At the time, I had just turned 24, and was fresh off the heels of a broken engagement and sending out the "I'm sorry, I'm no longer getting married so here is your gift back" announcements. I was grieving, and I was lost.

I didn't realize I was on a downward spiral, I thought I was just rebounding. Everyone wanted to take me out for a drink, introduce me to their single friends, set me up and party my woes away. While these might have been well-meaning acts of support, they were not productive ways of coping for me. My behaviors led me to a dysfunctional rebound relationship, empty sex, drunken sex, quite a bit of guilty self-loathing and a vicious up and down cycle of convincing myself I was fine and the next day, not being able to get out of bed.

Finding the Proper Place for Sexual Fire

Aaron McCarter
aaronmccarter.com

This verse applies in so many 

ways: "Can a man carry fire 

next to his chest and his 

clothes not be burned?"

Proverbs holds a view of romance, marriage, and sex that was counter-cultural back then, and it’s counter-cultural now. In Proverbs, the highest possible value is placed on faithfulness and friendship in marriage. I’m not entirely sure those are the leading ideas in culture at large today.

The Danger Of Sexual Temptation
Keep in mind that Proverbs was written as a manual for boys, so most of the advice is directed toward men. Don’t let that throw you off though, because even though men were the audience, this stuff is universally applicable.

Ruth: Romance and Redemption

Ruth meets Boaz: Ruth 2

In Israel, the barley harvest began in the spring. The community in Bethlehem observed God’s law concerning harvesting: “When you reap the harvest of your land, do not reap to the very edges of your field or gather the gleanings of your harvest…. Leave them for the poor and the alien” (Leviticus 19:9-10).

"And Ruth the Moabitess said to Naomi, ‘Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor’" (Ruth 2:2). Illustration above by Dan Andreason; below by James Tissot

Ruth was both poor and an alien. She had few prospects in Judah, as Naomi had warned her. However, she was able to provide for Naomi and herself by working hard gleaning the grain left by the harvesters (Ruth 2:2).

There is an almost idyllic quality to the Bethlehem community described in Ruth, which — especially when one considers it existed during the turbulent period of the judges — testifies powerfully to the difference a few people living God’s way can make. Bethlehem would later become famous, first as the “town of David” and later as the birthplace of the Messiah (Luke 2:4-7).

“As it turned out, [Ruth] found herself working in a field belonging to Boaz, who was from the clan of Elimelech” (Ruth 2:3). Boaz was a “man of standing [Hebrew: ‘ish gibbor chail, implying Boaz was physically impressive and had noble character]” (verse 1).

Boaz asked his foreman who the stranger gleaning in the field was. The foreman replied that she was the young woman who had accompanied Naomi back from Moab. Boaz then told Ruth to continue gleaning in his field, and helped her far beyond the demands of the law. He even ordered his harvesters to make Ruth especially welcome, enabling her to gather extra barley.

Ruth then asked Boaz, “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me — a foreigner?” (verse 10). Ruth’s expression about finding favor in Boaz’s eyes, used by her on three occasions (verses 2, 10, 13), was a culturally appropriate way of showing respect. Ruth thus displayed the type of attitude the apostle Paul later taught Christians to have, when he said, “In humility consider others better than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3).

Why So Many Women Yearn to Be Wives

Despite the fact that it's the twenty-first century and women can earn their own money, go to a sperm bank to have a child and lead a satisfying social life without a man, the role of wife remains compelling.

Young women are more self-assured than ever, not necessarily in search of a boyfriend and comfortable focusing on their own goals. They know that sex can be a sport and men can be adjunct, perhaps fungible. Yet what I've found is that at a certain point for these women, usually by their mid to late-twenties, being engaged and getting married becomes important.

The Scarlet Manifesto: The Rise of the Adulterous Woman

Back when I was in college, there were rules for the female students. We had to wear skirts to meals. Curfew was strict, broken under threat of expulsion -- or worse. Naturally, boys were not allowed into our rooms. These maxims were designed to "protect" us women -- we who were so easily taken advantage of, so at risk of being romantically duped -- not to mention reinforce the idea that we were expected to act in a certain way.

Which was fine. In those days, many girls, and their parents, thought of college as a means to a husband. (So many of my contemporaries who achieved that end are now divorced, some more than once.) Now, although finding a mate at college is still common -- and there are certainly Ivy League graduates who decide to make their lives as mothers and homemakers -- it's no longer what secondary education is about. Away at college, young people live in dorms in which male and female students share common areas, bathrooms, and even, at times, sleeping rooms. Sex is not necessarily part of the equation. And when it is? Well, we are, after all, talking about adults. But the bigger shift is one of perception: If there is any sort of expectation of "propriety," it is imposed on the guys as much as on the girls.

4 Sizzling Movies to Turn up the Spice

Ask your man about his idea of a hot movie to get you in the mood, and it's likely you'll get a one-word answer: porn. The notion makes many of us ladies cringe our noses, but why is that? It probably has something to do with the way we're wired. When it comes to steamy flicks to get us in the mood, having an in-depth story line definitely helps, anything to give that emotional connection. Then again, if you're looking for a film that gets both of you in the mood, you don't want anything borderline sappy chick-flick.

Prevent Infidelity

Six sure-fire steps.

by Frances Cohen Praver, Ph.D. in Love Doc

Did you know that 55-65 percent of men cheat and 45-55 percent of women cheat? It may seem it’s about sex, but in reality sex is better at home. Why then do spouses cheat? The main reason is a lack of emotional connectedness that arises because of negative interactions. So if you want to protect your relationship here are some tools.

Before I go into the problems and preventive measures, here is a brief overview of the newest, most exciting scientific findings that underlie my work.

The Chemical Symphony of Attraction

Attraction results from the unique information gathered by all our senses.

Did you ever wonder what attracts you to one sort of person over another? What causes that feeling of alluring familiarity with someone you have just met...someone to whom you are inexorably drawn? Why can someone have everything you think you want, yet leave you feeling flat? 

10 Questions to Ask Before Getting Married

How to know you're ready to tie the knot.

by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.

When you start thinking that he/she may be the one, make sure you ask these ten questions before you tie the knot.

#1: Do We Care about Each Other as Good Friends Do?

Sex and Aging

By Chris Woolston, M.S., and Paige Bierma, M.A.

Nothing is more irritating to author Connie Goldman than the stereotypes out there about older people and sex -- especially the one about seniors not having sex. "People see an older couple that has just gotten married or who are holding hands, and they say, 'Oh, how cute,' " says Goldman, a former public radio producer. "It's belittling."

At age 76, Goldman spends a great deal of her time trying to counter those stereotypes. "There is this idea that all old people are alike, but my experience in interviewing hundreds of seniors is that each relationship is unique and different," says Goldman, whose recent book, Late-Life Love: Romance and New Relationships in Later Years, features interviews with 22 couples about their relationships.

Call It the New Junk Mail

You'd think that a guy who tosses footballs for a living would know how to make a pass. But when Brett Favre allegedly texted a shot of his Johnson to an unsuspecting Jets employee, he exposed himself as yet another grown man who's as clueless in the world of technology as in the world of seduction. Sloane Crosley explains what a woman actually wants from a man when it comes to her sext life

BY SLOANE CROSLEY

                 Penis. Penis! PENIS!

That's how the game is played, right? Whoever can shout it the loudest without caving to embarrassment wins. Oh, but who needs a larynx when you have a cell phone? More to the point, when you have Brett Favre's cell phone. To Favre's credit, it's not as if the man invented naughty-picture messaging two years ago when he reportedly sent then 24-year-old Playboy model and Jets game-day hostess Jenn Sterger shots of his junk. He may have been the longest in the tooth to do this, but let us not forget the Cleveland Indians' aptly named Grady Sizemore or the Portland Trail Blazers' Greg Oden and his formidable anatomy, which he clearly rented from Equine 'n' Things. Fame aside, the question is—okay, so there are a lot of questions—but the first one is: How can men be so clueless? What, exactly, do they think is going to happen?

'Sexting' May Go Hand-in-Hand With Unprotected Sex Among Teens

Study found association with other forms of sexual risk-taking among high school students

By Maureen Salamon
HealthDay Reporter

(HealthDay News) -- Teens who "sext" sexually explicit texts or images are probably taking other sexual risks as well, with new research indicating these adolescents are seven times more likely to be sexually active and significantly more apt to be having unprotected sex.

Analyzing self-reported behaviors of more than 1,800 Los Angeles students aged 12 to 18 (most were between 14 and 17), researchers found that 15 percent with cell phones acknowledged sexting and 54 percent knew someone who had sent a sext. Rarely was sexting the only sexually risky behavior involved.

"It's surprising in some ways that sexting isn't an alternative to risky sexual behaviors, it's part of the [same] landscape," said study author Eric Rice, an assistant professor in the School of Social Work at the University of Southern California. "I don't want to be alarmist, but I do think that parents who suspect their kids are sexting should be aware of the probability their kids are involved in other sexual behavior as well. They probably should worry insofar as it's likely their teens are sexually active and not using birth control."

The Case for Letting Your Partner’s Eye Wander

By MEREDITH MELNICK |

Just ask Eve. There’s nothing so desirable as the one thing you’re not allowed to have. Which is why a new study suggests that if your partner’s got a wandering eye, you might be better off letting him (or her) enjoy it. 

Research on romance has consistently shown that men and women who don’t notice attractive strangers tend to be more satisfied in their own relationships and are more likely to stay with their partners long term. Of course, that blindness has to come naturally. When a person is forced to divert his attention from that cute bartender — by, say, a jealous partner’s opprobrium — it could result in a sort of “backlash” effect, which may end up reducing his level of relationship commitment.

That’s the finding of a new study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, which tests the “forbidden fruit” hypothesis in a series of experiments on college students who were involved in romantic relationships. Write the researchers:

The School of Hard Knocks

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

How good are you at learning those important lessons we all get from the school of hard knocks that we call life? I ask that question because discovering what works for you and against you is a critical part of gaining wisdom. And, since nobody can escape this inevitable aspect of life, I know that you have all had your own personal experiences with finding things out the hard way. However, as I always say, the only thing worse than making a mistake is making a mistake and not learning anything from it. And learning from our mistakes is the focus of my message today.

Learning is an interesting, yet complicated endeavor for us humans. It’s also idiosyncratic because people tend to learn things in different ways and, as a result, react differently to various forms of teaching. Years ago I used to teach learning theory to college students. In academia, your ability to learn and then answer questions about what you’ve learned is the key to progressing and getting good grades. One thing that I learned as a teacher was that the method used for recalling information often dictated how well certain students performed on tests.

Thirty Ways to Love Your Lover

A list of ideas on how to honor your wife.
by Dennis Rainey

Meet Don. Don is a basketball "nut." He's the kind of sports buff who can talk nonstop about his favorite basketball teams with anybody who'll listen. One evening, Don's wife took a seat next to him on the couch. She placed her arms around his neck and asked him point-blank: "Do you love me more than basketball?"

Puzzled, Don considered her question for a long minute before answering. He finally said, "College or NBA?" While most of us men would never make a blunder of that magnitude, we often miss the opportunity to affirm our wives. Marriage is not a spectator sport. Nor is it a place for verbal jabs or cynical put-downs. Those male digs might work in the locker room with the boys, but they're out of bounds with our wives.

What do Don's wife, your wife, and my wife need? Affirmation. Lots of it. Soft, tender, thoughtful, unexpected, meaningful, heartfelt affirmation delivered with no sexual demands attached. That's difficult for a man, I know. A man usually sets goals and generally acts only when he is after something. When it comes to romance, he's tempted to give affirmation only because he hopes to "get sex" in return.

The Five Romantic Needs of a Woman

A great lover must be committed to satisfying his wife’s unique needs.
by Dennis Rainey

I’m sure it comes as no shock, but men and women think of romance differently.

When asked to describe the purpose of romance, a woman will use words such as friendship, relationship, endearment, and tenderness. Given the same question, a man will answer with one of the shortest words in the English language—sex. For him, physical oneness and affirmation of his manhood equal romance.

Before You Touch Her Body

For romance to deepen, here is a truth that should be emblazoned on the heart of every husband.

Growing up, I hated school and studying. Well, I hated most studying. But I loved two local sports teams: the University of Maryland Terps—specifically, the basketball team—and my beloved Washington Redskins. Somehow I acquired an impressive body of knowledge about these teams, even as I continued to get lousy grades in school.

While class work was mostly drudgery, learning about the Terps and Skins was effortless joy. I loved to watch them, think about them, read about them, talk about them, and listen to games on the radio. To absorb everything I possibly could about these guys—to study them—was rich food for my schoolboy's soul.

Why was that kind of learning so easy for me when formal education was so hard? What made the difference?

Passion.

No secret there. What we love, we want to learn about. And what we love to study, we come to love even more. That's just the way God has wired us. I loved the Terps and Skins; so learning about them and growing in my zeal for them was a totally natural process.

I still enjoy following those teams, but my strongest passions now lie elsewhere.

My Mate Is Not My Enemy

Viewing your spouse as a gift from God is a life-changing perspective.
by James Ford

I have a confession to make.

I act like a spoiled baby when I'm sick. I whine and moan. I check my temperature every 30 minutes. I park myself in front of the television and expect my wife, Merry, to wait on me hand and foot. Never mind what plans she has for the evening—when I'm sick, her job is to take care of me.

But what happens when the roles are reversed, and she's stuck in bed with nausea, or vertigo, or a sinus infection?

I act like a spoiled baby. I whine and pout. I glare at her. How dare she get sick? Doesn't she know what plans I have? Doesn't she realize the pressure she's placing on me?

At some point during the evening, God convicts me of my selfishness, and I realize that I need to make a choice: Am I going to see Merry as my enemy? Or will I recognize again that God has given her to me as a gift … and stop moaning just because that gift has a fever and can't cook dinner?

You may not realize it, but you make the same choice on a regular basis. The choice confronts you when you argue … or when your spouse doesn't respond to your romantic overtures … or when you must decide who puts the kids to bed at night … or when you want to bake a batch of cookies and your spouse makes you feel guilty about your weight. Is my mate my enemy? Or a gift from God?

3 Ways to Make Him Fall for You

By Rori Raye

When you’re falling in love with a man, it’s natural to want to prove what a great catch you are by being sweeter, funnier and smarter in hopes that he’ll fall in love with you, too. Focusing on what a man wants and ingratiating yourself in this way may feel like the natural thing to do, but it’s the worst way to try to make a man feel romantic about you.

He may feel appreciative when you do things like make plans, offer advice, run errands or give gifts. But sometimes this behavior overwhelms him, makes him withdraw, or see you as just a good friend.

Here are some tips to inspire his romantic side instead:

Tip#1: Don’t give a man more than he gives you.

Inspiring a man to fall for you is all about you being able to receive love. A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you than he gives. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts, and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you. Don’t pay for dates, either. The moment you pay for a date you turn into a “friend” in his mind.

Tip #2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he hasn’t yet committed.

Being exclusive and sexually monogamous with a man without a “forever” commitment from him puts you in a tough place emotionally. You become completely invested in him because he has all your time and attention. There’s no way you can stop wondering about where the relationship is going.

But the more you wonder about it, the more you push a man away. Rather than talking about the relationship or threatening him with ultimatums, you can continue to keep your options open by dating other men. This way, you keep your class, your power, your boundaries, and he has to work to get you!

Tip #3: Don’t plan dates.

You want to plan the date because you’re uncomfortable with him possibly being clueless. However, you’ll never know what a man is capable of until you let him do what he does, even if that’s nothing.

The amazing thing is that once you get comfortable with your own boundaries and feelings, you can just let a man be who he is and then determine whether or not you want to be with him. This attitude shifts your vibe so dramatically that a man will jump hurdles to be with you. A woman who can respect a man enough to not try to “pick up the slack” for him is the woman he falls in love with.

http://www.mydailymoment.com/diet_and_fitness/mindabody/3_ways_to_make_him_fall_for_you. 

5 ways you can stay fit as a couple

By Patricia Hizon | Yahoo! SHE

It takes two to keep fit and healthy.  If you’re a health buff, imagine being married to a junk food-eating, non-exercising, potbelly-scratching couch potato.  Not pretty! 


It is important for couples to work together, like they do in other aspects of their relationship, to achieve a healthier lifestyle.


Here are simple and easy tips.


1. Watch each other’s diet.


It’s really not that easy to go on any kind of diet if the person you’re constantly with is munching on the very same food you’re trying to avoid.  This sometimes leads to tension in the relationship. 


Couples should mutually agree on the terms of the diet—whether it’s to cut down on carbs or sodium, use organic ingredients, or go vegetarian.


Agreement is key to commitment.  That means that you have to manage your food intake together as a couple and check on one another.


The best way to get this started is to consult a nutritionist.  You and your partner might have different dietary needs and goals, but the reality is you share the same pantry and kitchen.

Read: Do vitamin supplements do more harm to the elderly?

2. Go to bed earlier.


This is a great excuse to get a head start on snuggling up. That might mean turning off the laptop, the TV, getting the kids out of the room and adjusting your evening routines so you hit the sack earlier.


When you improve your sleeping habits, you are allowing your body to recover and priming it to take on the demands of the day. 


Plus, studies have shown that people who sleep less than six hours a night undergo hormone changes that lead to an increase in hunger.

Read: 10 ways to break bad habits

3. Make gym dates a regular thing.

Using cardio machines side by side can help motivate and encourage the other to reach his or her individual goals.


On weights, you or your partner can praise each other as you flex in front of the mirror.  Ladies, squeeze his biceps and show some admiration.  A regular pat on the back (or the lower extremities) can put your partner in a giddy mood.


Use opportunities like wiping the sweat beads off the side of your partner’s face to keep the flames of romance alive.  At least you’ll be burning more than just calories!


Go on gym dates two to three times a week.

Read: The best time to stretch

4. Enjoy the outdoors.


Look for activities you and your partner would enjoy.  A brisk walk or a run around the neighborhood, a bike ride on a trail both of you can conquer, or a weekend fun run.


Or, try a little basketball, volleyball and even football at the local park. You don’t need to be great, but you need to be determined.


There are so many activities you and your partner can take up to make your bond strong...and your bones and muscles even stronger.

Read: 5 healthy reasons to get walking

5. Dance like no one’s looking.


It doesn’t matter if you have two left feet. What matters is that you’re willing to spice up your workout with a partner who won’t laugh (that much) at you for your not being blessed with rhythm and grace.


Dancing is a sure-fire way to add sizzle to your relationship while allowing those unwanted fats to fizzle.


There are many dance classes and dance workouts being offered in malls, hotels and neighborhood studios. You can also hit the many dance clubs in the city.


Staying fit and healthy not only allows you to enjoy life more fully, it also puts more excitement in your relationship.

Remember, it takes two to tango.  So drop the chips, get off the couch and vow to get through the challenge together, in fitness and in health.

Read: Street dance for fitness

Patricia Hizon is an accomplished sportscaster, mother of two, wife of a basketball player turned golf addict, free lance producer and writer, owner of a travel agency, marketing and events consultant, and founder of the "Everyday Is Your Birthday Foundation". Get to know more about her on her blog 
www.patriciahizon.com.

http://ph.she.yahoo.com/5-ways-you-can-stay-fit-as-a-couple.html;_ylt=ArEv_azmVf4OD.pyiC8YkHiIeeR_