Observe: You are Better Than Your Wife

Written by Neal Black

 “Don’t just pretend to love others. Really love them. Hate what is wrong. Hold tightly to what is good.” (Romans 12:9, NLT)

It’s true, you are better than your wife… in one particular area. Overall, as a man, are better at observation than she is. (For more information see Secrets of Happily Married Men by Scott Haltzman) Now before you go trotting off to locate her in the house and read that line to her, let’s talk about using this special talent to blow her mind!

You’re better at observation; your wife likes to be observed by you. This is good but it’s not just a matter of watching her wiggle (although perfectly good use of your amazing observation abilities!) There is more. By observation you can learn some great intel that will change your relationship.

Romans 12:9 says, “Don’t pretend to love others. Really love them.” So, this week watch your wife till you see her respond to something in a very positive way. Maybe someone complimented her cooking, her hair or maybe it was someone emptying the dishwasher, or buying her a small gift or giving her a hug. You may observe one of your kids playing a game with her that brought lots of smiles and fun interaction.

Now break it down. Why did she like that? Was it someone giving her affirming words, quality time, serving her, physical touch or a gift? (You’ve probably heard of The Five Love Languages.) Once observed and identified, you now have a path to blow her mind. Experiment and observe some more by trying a few small actions.

If she enjoyed a small gift, discover her favorite chocolate and stop by the store to pick it up and place it where she will definitely spot it. Then watch and learn. You might be on to a new world of great, relationship-building experiences all because of your gift of observation. Repeat this action in another area and observe. Develop your talent by doing this once each week for a month and see what it does for your marriage.

God, I want to really truly love my wife. No pretending. Show me how I can love her even better today than I did yesterday. Amen

Question: As you observed, what was the craziest or zaniest thing you saw?


Need help figuring out your love languages? Read this.

Introduction to Love Languages http://powertochange.com/studies/introduction-to-love-languages/

Neal Black

Neal and June are frequent speakers at marriage and parenting events in Canada and Internationally. They love to clearly communicate God’s game-plan for relationships with humour, energy and lots of stories! In addition to speaking, June handles video development for FamilyLife in all areas with content for events and the website. June loves spending time with family and friends – especially if it involves specialty coffees and playing games. Most of all, she loves spending time together with their two daughters and son-in-law.

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